Disclaimer: My name is not Stephenie Meyer. I do however, own myself. My best friend owns Benny.

Author's Note: I know self-inserting is a BIG no-no, but I couldn't resist. I got the inspiration for this while letting my best friend's stupid dog, Benny, in from the snow. Just so you know his intelligence ranges from spatula to evil genius. I thought I'd warn you: this will get extremely odd and strange. Bear with me, Lennon Drop. PS. Sammy-eyes has to do with Supernatural. PPS. This is also something just to get my Muse jumpstarted.

Here begins our tail.

A scream came from the throne room. "CHELSEA!"

I left my desk and scurried into the throne room. "Yes, Lord Volturi?" I asked Aro.

"What is this small black dog doing here?" I looked at the smallish labradoodle sitting on the floor in front of Aro giving him Sammy-eyes.

I shuffled my feet. "Well… His name is Benny. He belongs to one of my friends and she's on vacation, so I have to take care of him."

Aro raised an eyebrow. "And you agreed to it without first consulting me?"

I stared at the feet that I was now shuffling again. "I didn't think it do much harm."

"Oh, you didn't think it do much harm, did you? Well it will do much harm. Get r-r-ri-" Benny was now hitting Aro with the full power of his too-cute-to-be-evil eyes. I knew better than to fall for that one, but Aro was much more susceptible. "Chelsea?"

"Yes, my lord?"

He smiled like a little girl skipping through a field of flowers. "This dog is the cutest thing I have ever seen! Keep him, by all means. Just make sure he doesn't get into too much trouble."

"That'll be like trying to stop a vampire from sucking blood," I mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"What does this dog like for treats?"

"Raw pasta."

"Is that all?"

"Yes, he eats it like its steak. He was never a normal dog, my lord."

"Ahh, I see. Carry on, Chelsea."

"Thank you, my lord. Come along, Benny."

Benny gave Aro one more cutest-dog-on-this-planet-or-any-other look and walked after me. I sighed. "It looks like you've taken another poor soul into your plan for world domination, eh, Benny?"

Benny winked at me and curled up under my desk.

A Few Weeks Later...

"CHELSEA!"

I rushed into the throne room where Benny was sitting in front of Caius. "Yes, my lord?"

"I know my brother has said that this dog is not to be harmed," he paused to give Benny a malicious glare. "But he must be gotten rid of! He does nothing all day but stare at me. It is giving me the... how you say 'creeps'."

I raised an eyebrow at Benny. "Come, Benny, it's time for your treats."

Benny got up and bounced like a clown on a pogo stick on a trampoline.

Caius glared at Benny again. "That is the most I have seen that dog move all day!"

"He only moves when food is mentioned, my lord."

"What a horribly useless dog he is, eh?"

"Yes, my lord, and to think that my friend's family got him because they needed a guard dog."

"I have a feeling that the requirement was not fulfilled?"

"Yes, my lord."

Benny jumped up on my leg and started barking. "If you will excuse me, my lord, I must feed him his pasta."

"Very well; but keep him out of my sight or your friend will not have a dog at all."

"Yes, my lord."

I walked out of the room with Benny and gave him a few pieces of pasta. "Benny you're working your way to getting eaten," he gave me a dull look. "I'm serious; they'll drink every drop of blood in your furry little body if you don't behave!" He gave me another dull look and I groaned. "What am I going to tell KayLynn when her dog get's eaten by vampires?"

I toyed around with the usual excuses. Hit by a car, probable. Ran away to Bora Bora with a girl dog, not likely (Benny was antisocial). I was thinking if dogs could commit suicide when I heard a soft voice. "Chelsea, is that the dog that we're not supposed to eat?"

I looked up into the red eyes of Marcus Volturi and blushed. "Yes, my lord."

He reached down a patted Benny on the head. "Hello, boy, how are you today?" Benny wagged his tail. "I suppose that means today is a good day, hmm?" Benny wagged harder and started to lean into Marcus' scratching.

"I think he likes it, my lord."

Marcus looked up. "I suppose he does," with that, Marcus Volturi, Italian lord and really cute guy, walked away.

I started after him and Benny put his paw on my knee and I looked down into his big brown eyes. "Shut up, I do not." He looked harder. "OK, maybe I do. But if you tell anyone, I'll be the one draining every drop of blood from your furry little body, mmk?" He nodded. "Good, now let's take you back to KayLynn..."

The End.

Author's Note: As to explaining: I like Marcus. Benny is very much antisocial (but only with other dogs, he's a people person). He leans into your hand when you're scratching and hit the exact right spot. He barks when he wants things. Yes, he does eat pasta like its gourmets food. Next I will be inflicting my best friend's dog on Lord Voldemort. Watch for that, it'll be coming soon.