Here we go, the meat and potatoes!


Steal My Heart,

Stab My Soul

"Alright Orange-Fox, have we got copy?"

"Rodger, Dango-Five, I have visual, over- sshkerrr!"

"Naruto you don't make the damn sound, that's what a Bluetooth is for!"

"But I miss those old walkie-talkies! They sounded cool, over…….sshkerrrt!"

Anko sighed from her place on the roof top armed with a Russian sniper rifle and a day's supply of dango and pocky. "What a dumb-butt…Anyways, you do see Itachi from your place at the glass correct?"

"Rodger that, Dango, I have one hundred percent visibility. The bastard is sitting there drinking some kind of margarita."

"Funny that he's drinking that here in Japan… Red-Fox move with the next step. Hey Icha-Man keep him focused alright."

"Okay, Dango-Babe."

It was getting tricky now, Anko thought as she watched the two shadows traverse the side of the building's high wall. They needed visual confirmation on their next move before she proceeded with the shot.

Naruto and Kakashi could see Kisame through the wide windows walking down the corridor towards Itachi. With the stealth of ninjas the two opened up the window and slipped inside. Temari had long ago disabled all security alarms, and Neji had confirmed the blueprints of the monstrous building, giving them more information about all the shadowy areas than Itachi could himself.

"I hope they're doing alright…" Anko said and lowered her head to watch the screen attached to her wristband. She shook out a pocky from the box strapped to her thigh as if it were a cigarette and held the chocolate stick between her teeth.

Time to monitor the others' progress…

Itachi snarled as a knock sounded on the door of his immense condo. "Kisame," he called.

Another knock on the door had him frowning. "Kisame!" he shouted, getting angry. Another banging on the door got him pissed.

"Lazy fuck!" Itachi snarled and stalked over to the door himself. "This had better be─"

"Hello there."

Itachi first noticed the clothing of the women, sparse and inviting. They were attractive as hell, exotically foreign, and grinning at him.

"Hi there s-sugar, who were you yelling at?" asked the short blonde haired woman with a smile. Her eyes were sultry and her accent deliciously western. Oh yeah, he loved western films…

The brown haired woman sauntered over, smirking before she erupted into a sensuous flurry of Russian that warmed his blood immensely. "Come in ladies." He said quietly as the brunette ran her hand over his.

"Be glad to." The blonde said and her eyes immediately narrowed as she passed him to survey the room. Perfect setup, like they'd expected.

"So honey, do you have anything to drink?"

"Of course." Itachi said and headed over to the kitchen. "Make yourselves comfortable."

"Vill do." Stated the brunette with a heavy accent as she sat down, pulling the blonde cowgirl with her.

"So you've got the items we need?" Shizune hissed as Hinata frowned beneath her obnoxious ten-gallon hat.


"Good job not stuttering by the way, I'm so proud of you!" Shizune whispered and Hinata smiled genuinely.

"Naruto has…helped me get rid of the stutter problem. I only stutter when I'm really nervous."

Shizune nearly snorted in shock at the slight innuendo that Hinata implied. "Damn girl, you sure are getting more open!"

Before either of them could continue, Itachi had returned with three drinks. He set theirs on the glass table before the couch and he took a sip of his own. Before he could question them on their business, Shizune crept across the leather seats to lean over his chest and rub his shoulders.

"Ooh, vhy you are so tense?" the beautiful Russian woman pouted, her hands drifting lower before coming back up teasingly.

"I think it is you causing me to be so…tense." Itachi growled low and watched the woman's face flush with what he thought was flattery.

"Oh, you dirty boy!" Hinata sang as she leaned over his legs, plastering herself over him as if she was going to get a spanking. "You're so wild!"

As the woman's hands moved in unison towards his crotch, Hinata's hand moved stealthily over the whiskey sitting on the arm of the chair. Her fingers brushed his wrist as Shizune leaned up high to bite his earlobe.

"Oh baby, ve're going to give you a one helluva ride!"

"That's what I'm talking about ladies." Itachi hissed and tried to move in for a kiss before the Russian dame shook her head slyly.

"It is custom in Russia for da man to finish his drink before doing things with his voman."

"I wouldn't want to disappoint my ladies." Itachi said and swiftly downed his liquor.

The two women pulled him up and moved, just out of arms reach, towards his bedroom. Why did they know just where to go? Hm? Well he had called his favorite hooker company as always. They knew his preferences and plenty about his home.

Still why were they laughing so much and─ damn, look at that! They were hugging! Crazy wenches maybe the pimps sent him a surprise tonight!

But they're so far out of reach. Why did are they walking away now? Are they getting something? No, they're going to the door!

Geez, so tired…Who's that? Sasuke! Oh damn he's alive! And he's with that whore with the fake pink hair. Holy shit those bitches must have had one crazy drug for him!

"Time for a nap…" Itachi murmered before tumbling to the floor while promptly banging his head on the sofa as he went.


"Wooo! Damn that's awesome, Deidara! Do a burnout! Burnout!"

Kakashi sat in the back seat of the new Mitsubishi model sports car that had recently graced both Japan and Itachi Uchiha's private collection with the passed out Kisame Hoshigaki safely seat belted in. Kakashi's knuckles shown stark white as his fingers gripped the handle for dear life.

God, trust Sakura to pair up Naruto and Deidara in the front seat of a fucking car with the soul purpose of crashing it! Not to mention adding himself as fucking team leader! God why did he volunteer for a spot in the damn mission anyway!?

"Hot damn it we're almost there!" Deidara howled and looked over his shoulder to yell something to Kakashi. "Hey what do you say to some wings at Hooters later?"


"Oh damn, good thing Naruto grabbed the wheel before we hit that pole. Eyes on the prize, Kakashi!"

Before the white-haired man could die his own little personal death, he pulled on the helmet he'd brought along, just in case. "Alright we're almost to the crash site. You see the van right?"

"Booyah, baby!" Deidara barked as the petal hit the floor.

"Dattebayo! You know that's not even a real word, Kakashi? But apparently it's a cool phrase in a popular manga here in Japa─

"God damnit, I will END YOU!"

"No need to yell, padre, we're almost ready toooo….BAM!" Deidara no sooner said the word before the car met a strange architectural artifact of Itachi's corporate building. The strange shaped statue sent the car swirling into the air before landing on its tires, but effectively jarring the passengers and busting the car up.


"In other news, Japanese business tycoons Itachi Uchiha and Kisame Hoshigaki were found intoxicated and asleep in their vehicle which they had crashed after a heavy night of drinking and suspected drug use.

At approximately 1:20 am on a Sunday the two were found in the car with many items incriminating both themselves and their entire corporation involved with many crimes that had taken place over the past ten months, including the heist which took a rare sleeping toxin from another Japanese company- Yamanaka Inc- one month ago…Police also tentatively release the finding of one other item found in the car…a sex toy."

"Ah! There it is I told you they would put that note in! Yes!" Deidara howled as Shizune rolled her eyes. "Pay up Naruto!"

"Ah!" The blonde practically threw a tantrum whilst his fiancé sat by his side with a smile.

"Come on Naruto-kun! Don't be a spoilsport!"

The entire team was seated in the entertainment room of their headquarters watching the international news on television with a certain pride in their hearts. They'd gotten their revenge.

Sakura smiled to herself before she got up to refill her glass of wine in the kitchen. She swung open the door and beelined for the wine bottle. She expertly popped the cork of the fine Italian wine and barely jolted as Sasuke's familiar hands rounded her hips and waist. "Mm. Finally we're able to have a minute to ourselves." She said and laid her head back on his chest.

"I like your friends and all, but they are so loud."

"That's mostly Deidara, Naruto and Anko." She countered and turned with her glass of red. "Sip?"

He did, his eyes on hers, as he nearly gagged. "Shit, I can't drink that."

Sakura moaned playfully. "Mon dieu! Then I can never, ever stay with you. You'll have to find another woman to make amazing, loving, eye-crossing love to!"

Sasuke became slightly serious before pulling her closer. "Sakura, don't you think it's time."

"Hm?" she asked, her sea-foam eyes wide and curious. "What time?"

Wordlessly, Sasuke hit a knee and looked up at her, his eyes serious and full of all his love. "Sakura…" he began before his eye began to twitch.

"Don't worry about them, Sasuke." She said offhandedly, "Ignore them for now."

Sure enough Anko, Temari, Hinata, and Shizune were peaking from behind the swinging door, intruding on the moment.

"Alright," he muttered. "Sakura Haruno, you stole my heart, and I know I'll never get it back. So marry me and end my suffering."

Sakura began to tear up, and she laughed nervously. "Sasuke…why are you so perfect for me?"

He smirked then and stood up before pulling her close. "I can't answer that, but maybe I am just perfect?"

"Oh ha, ha."

They kissed fiercely then, and the oohs and awes from the corner did nothing to ruin the moment for them. Well…maybe just a little.

"Would you get the hell out of here!?"

"Sasuke," the rosette interrupted as she pulled the Uchiha's face back towards her own. "I will marry you."

In a flash, Sasuke had plucked her off her feet to race them both up the stairs for some highly overdue love making, ignoring the arguments and laughter downstairs.