Authors note: What happens when a group of the oldest girl scouts in an isolated island camp are on a sugar high and trying to make up a skit? The results aren't pretty. This skit was actually preformed in front of a live audience, although not exactly in this form. The disclaimer will be at the end of the story. Please do not be offended by the many deaths of Harry, it is all for a few laughs. The only person actually affected in any negative way is me, Nikara. I got reprimanded by getting too much dirt on my clothes. I played Harry. I think I had to practice dying a few too many time. All flames will be converted to energy to use so that my mom doesn't get mad about our large electric bill. Enjoy the story!
The End of Harry Potter
I came home from school exhausted from another
day as a freshman. I still do not
understand how teachers can justify giving 4 quizzes in one day. Too tired to do any homework, and thankful that my siblings are off with friends, I turn on the TV, grab the remote, and sink into my plush green sofa. My cat jumps onto my lap, and I sigh happily. Slowly I turn my attention to what is on the screen
"Welcome to The Weakest Link! Our
next competitor is Mr. Harry Potter. Harry, this question should be
an easy one for you. What is the name of the express train that takes
you and your fellow wizards to Hogwarts?"
The camera does a close up on Harry's scrunched up face. He seems to be muttering
something, but the lavalier doesn't pick it up. Given the fact that authoress' abilities include lip reading, I could understand that he was muttering over and over "I think I can, I think I can,..." His face lit up in recognition.
"The little engine that could!"
I omitted a groan and the scarred the cat off of my lap.
"That is incorrect, I suppose a fall from your broom stick knocked some information from your
brain. You ARE the weakest link. Good Bye."
I changed the channel in hope of finding something a little less depressing. All I could find was commercials. As I scanned through the channels, one of the background looked familiar, and I stopped to watch...
"Hello, I am Gandalf the White, here
to show you my new institution. As you can see
behind me, I have taken over Hogwarts, and turned it into a more normal place. If you have any friends or family who are mentally unstable, you can call 1-800- GREY-TOWER, and send them here. If you call now, you will get two wonderful straight jackets - FREE! The come in white, and, well, white. We have had some very famous guests here, including Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger (more commonly known as Hermi-one). We even have a special senior citizen- Dumbledore! He has a brand new room with three foot deep padded walls. Don't forget to call and get our free gift!" In the distance, behind Gandalf, you can see a figure with messy black hair crawling on the ground.
"Help me! Help me!" Potter emitted.
Gandalf turned around and sprayed sparks at Harry.
"Back you fiend, back!"
That was just weird. This is not a
good day for TV watching. Lets try Comedy Network, I could use a good
laugh right about now.
"Whose Line is it Anyway?"
Drew Carrey appeared on the screen
"For our next game, we will need two famous characters. Lets get some suggestions from the audience."
"Harry Potter, Harry Potter!" Screamed half of the audience.
"Indiana Jones, Indiana Jones!" State the other side.
"Okay then, Indiana Jones and Harry Potter it is. Lets bring them out." Then Carrey added in a stage whisper- "Lets add a bit of excitement, my pet Boa Constrictor, Betty.
I cringed. Indiana Jones, Harry Potter, and a snake. Not a good combination.
in and began introducing himself. "Hello, I'm Harry Potter.
What's your name?"
"I'm Indiana Jon... Wait a second, what's that sound?" Indy turned around.
"Ahh, It's a snake, why does it always have to be snakes!"
Indy pulled out his whip, and snapped it back before bringing it forward to hit the snake.
The snap back resulted in Harry's falling to the floor in pain, clutching his head.
"I have a scar now!" he wailed.
These programs are just getting worse and
worse. Maybe one of those sitcoms has
The screen was filled with three
gorgeous valley girls.
"We're Charlie's Angels- Girl Scout Style!" The three girls were in there trademark pose, guns outstretched.
Suddenly, the evil voices that Digimon fans love to hate echoed through the studio-Nimoy and Bucholtz.
We interrupt this program to inform the girls that guns are not appropriate for Girl Scout
usage. Nope-not even BB guns in supervised ranges. Use these instead.
and arrow sets appeared on the screen. The "angels"
collectively dropped their guns and questioningly picked up the
"Charlie's Angles- Girl Scout Style!"
Suddenly, every ones favorite scarred hero appeared on the screen with his broom (upside
"Voldemort's Coming, Voldemort's Coming!"
"Friend or Foe?" questioned the scouts.
Harry appeared confused. Thinking they hadn't gotten the point, he repeated his message.
An ominous black figure appeared on the screen.
"Wait. Harry, I am your father!" The ever so surprising statement issued from Voldemorts lips.
Obviously coming to a decision, the angels shouted "FOE!", and let loose three arrows, right into Harry's chest. The girls were surprised. There weapons weren't ever supposed to actually shoot something. The frightened scouts backed away slowly, then shouted- "Leader!"
With chaos spreading across the scene, a
confused looking Hermione wandered around.
"Harry... Has anyone seen Harry?" One relieved figure with tell tale cinnamon bun hair came rushing towards Hermione.
"You're Hermione, right?" Hermione nodded.
"Kay then, Hermi-one, Hermi-one, you are my only hope! I'm failing Geometry."
Hermione took the book and tried to understand proofs and other nonsense. She would
remain there forever.
I flipped off the TV
and went out to grab a soda. Doing homework started to sound a lot
Wow! I actually finished a story.
I think that is a record for me. Thanks for reading.
Please, Please, Please, Please review!
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter etc., "The Weakest Link", Gandalf, "Whose Line is it Anyway", Drew Carrey, Indiana Jones, Betty the Boa Constrictor, Charlie's Angels, Digimon, Girl Scouts, Star Wars, or the cat, or the TV, or the Soda, or even the plot! As I said before, my troop made it up. I own nothing, so don't sue me!
Second Author's Note: Wow, four years later and this story still amuses me. This version is re-formatted and spell-checked, which makes it far easier to read. I doubt anyone will actually read it again, but that's okay. At least now it is saved for later years (and later Girl Scout Reunions!).