I figure that if there is one day, just one day, that I can post whatever the hell I want and still get away with it...that day would have to be my birthday. Happy birthday to me (my seventeenth birthday as a matter of fact), and here is a gift for you (even though its usually done the other way around...)

Warning: this is complete crack, it is only to be taken semi seriously.

"Hey, hey."

Ignore him.

"Hey, Jerkbender."

Don't let him get to you.


Block him out.


Do. Not. Listen.

"Jerkbender! I know you can hear me!"

Control yourself.


Oh, screw it.


"Uhhh…never mind, I already forgot." Sokka shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

My neck twitched.

"You idiot!"

"Wow, calm down Zuko." Aang said.

"No! I will not calm down! I'm tired of this! Of you!" I pointed to Sokka. "Of all of you!" I pointed at every single of them.

Katara glared at me, "Zuko, you really need to calm do-"

I cut her off. "No! I'm especially tired of you! I can't stand you anymore! You constantly take advantage of the fact that I've changed by being so mean to me! Will you get over you stupid grudges and just be mature?"

"And you!" I pointed at Aang. "What is wrong with you? You know how much you frustrate me? You couldn't concentrate on anything to save your life! Your ADD is so bad that I'm surprised that you ever learned to bend earth and water!"

Oh dear Agni, I was on a roll.

"And don't even get me started on Sokka." I glared at him. "If you call me jerk one more time…I'm going to take that sword your so proud of and shove it up your-"

"Are you done yet?" Toph asked.

My chest heaved in anger. Was I really? I didn't really have anything bad to say about Toph, she's like the sister I wish I had. I thought for a moment, trying to remember if I had forgotten anything. "I think so…"

"Good" Katara said and then her calm expression turned into a glare. "You are the most…I hate that I even…Urgh!" she made a gesture of anger with hands, indicating a desire to express something inexpressible.

Her head twitched up and she glared at me once again. "And I am not immature!" She brought a wave of water out of nowhere and sent it straight at me.

It hit me hard on the chest and sent me flying back into a tree. My back hit the trunk hard, and my head followed soon after; a jolt of agony was sent through my whole body, eliciting a cry of pain from my lips. I slid limply to the ground and collapsed in a heap, unable to move because of the pain.

My vision turned hazy and I saw everyone run over to my side as Katara stood still looking at her hands. My eyes started to close and blackness took over my vision.


"Oh…my…" I stared at Zuko, lying limply on the ground. "Katara! What did you do?!"

"I…I-I didn't mean to!" She continued staring at her hands as if they were possessed. "It was an accident! I was just so angry that…"

I ignored Katara and ran straight for Aang who was checking to make sure Zuko was still alive. "Aang, is he ok?"

"I think so; he has a pulse…so…" Aang told me and looked frantically between Katara and Zuko's unconscious form.

Katara approached me. "Sokka, you don't think that I meant to do this, do you?"

I didn't answer her, I looked at Aang instead. Everyone in this camp knows how much Katara hates Zuko; she had been nothing but mean to him ever since he first joined us.

Katara shuffled uncomfortably from foot to foot. "Umm…maybe I could, I don't know…heal him?"

I scoffed at her. "I don't think it's possible to bring an unconscious person back, its not like he broke anything…"

"Wait, wait…" Toph said and we all looked at her. "He's moving, I think he's waking up!"

We all looked at him and saw that he was indeed shifting.

"Ahhh…" Zuko moaned as he opened his eyes slowly.

"Are you ok, Zuko?" Katara asked almost apologetically.

Zuko looked up at the faces around him and scrunched his eyes shut. A second later his eyes snapped open again, and he frowned. "My head hurts…"

I sighed in relief; at least he can think coherently, it's good to see that he won't have any permanent brain damage. I looked up at Katara and saw that she was showing the same signs of relief that I was. Good. Maybe this incident will change her back to her normal self.

I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard a sniffle. I turned around and faced Zuko, and my mouth opened in shock at what I saw.

His expression was one of emotional hurt. A tear leaked out of his good eye and I couldn't help but stare at it in fascination. I wasn't aware that Zuko was capable of emotions other than anger, I would have to treasure this moment in my memory forever. The tear continued on its path down his face and slowed to a halt on his chin, and that was when I saw it. The quiver. His lips were quivering, and I continued to stare at in astonishment as Zuko bit his lip and stifled a sob.

I pulled my eyes away from him and stared at Katara, who was looking at him with an expression mixed with astonishment and slight disgust.

"W-w…why would you do that?" he asked in a small pathetic voice.

My head snapped back up to him and what I saw made my scramble behind Aang in fear.

He was fully crying now. His arm was wiping at his eye which was now open wide staring at Katara. "Why c-couldn't we have j-just been friends?" he asked her.

I looked back and forth between Katara and Zuko. "Katara?" I finally asked her. "What did you do to him?" This was not Zuko, definitely not Zuko.

I looked at Aang, who was still staring at Zuko with a flabbergasted look on his face, and sighed. I knew what I must do, I have to get Zuko back to himself again, I had to snap him out of this-this whatever it is. The only decision though, was how?

I got an idea. "Hey, Zuko…you know your sister? Yeah, well she said that you couldn't bend your way out of a box of ice."

He looked at me, lips quivering again. "Why would she say something like that? It's so hurtful!" He started crying again.

I stood up quickly and grabbed Katara and Aang, pulling them away from Zuko. I left Toph there to keep an eye on him (though I suppose technically she can't really keep an eye on him since she's blind), but she sure seemed to be enjoying herself over there, so I didn't feel guilty at all about leaving her out of the loop.

"Ok." I said as we slowed to a halt about twenty feet from them. "Katara, whatever you did, you need to go over there and fix it. I don't like this Zuko."

"How is this my fault? And I say that we just leave him like this, I like him better this way." She crossed her arms.

"Well…I don't." Aang added quietly.

"And I don't either, Mr. sensitive needs to go. So now go and fix him!" I grabbed my sister by the shoulders, spun her around, and shoved her off towards where Toph and Zuko were at.

She stopped, turned around to glare at me for a second, and then continued to where they were.

I turned back to Aang. "This is horrible; I never thought I would ever miss his personality…"

"You know…he's actually not that bad. Once you get to know him, he can actually be really cool." He said and smiled in Zuko's direction.

"Yeah right, and so is a rabid skunk bear…" I muttered sarcastically.

"No really. And he's really good with swords!"

My ears perked up. "Swords?" It would be great to finally have someone to duel with; I was in need of a little bit of practice. "Well…maybe I could-"

"NO! For the love of all that is sacred! I will NOT be your friend!"

Aang and I turned simultaneously toward Katara only to find her screaming her head off at Zuko while Toph stood next to her laughing at them both.

"B-but why not?" Zuko asked while cowering in a behind a giggling Toph.

"Why not? WHY NOT!? Are you kidding me?! This is the stupidest question in the world! I won't even dignify that with a response!" She yelled at him and stalked away.

I raised my eyebrows and walked over to Zuko. "Zuko, are you alright?"

"I feel fine actually." He stretched his back and stood up.

"Really?" I asked him again. "Because you don't seen fine."

"Nothing hurts, if that's what you're asking."

"Ok…" I offered my hand to him. "Here, get up."

He looked at me, smiled widely, and took my hand.

"Get your swords, your going to help me train." I informed him as I pulled him up.

"Really? You want to train with me?" he asked excitedly.

"Yeah." I confirmed and went over to my area to dig out my sword.

"Oh goody!" He cheered and ran over to his room to get his sword.

He was back a minute later and started skipping- yes, I said skipping- off toward our training grounds. I stared incredulously after him. I shook my head and looked at Katara and Aang; they were equally as befuddled as I was.

I rolled my eyes, and headed after him.


We stood across from each other, shoulders tense, waiting for each other to make the first move. About a minute went by without movement from either of us, so I got impatient and charged at him. I raised my sword high over my head and got ready to strike, just as I brought the blade down on him, he quickly stepped out of the way. My sword clanged down to the ground as I stood still, surprised at his quick movements.

He looked at me with a weird expression on his face. "You know, that could have hurt…"

"I know." I said with raised eyebrows. "But you moved, so it didn't."

"Playing with swords isn't a very safe thing to do." he said, staring at both of his swords as if they were about to explode. "Why did I ever learn to use these things?"

"We're not 'playing' with the swords, we're training with them." I told him.

"I don't want to play anymore, I could get hurt!" he dropped his swords and crossed his arms stubbornly.

My jaw dropped. Zuko, of all people, is saying he doesn't want to fight just because he 'might get hurt'. Wow, first he starts crying about how he wants to be friends with the one whom dislikes him the most out of all of us, and then he's afraid of a little pain? Something is definitely wrong with him, something's definitely not right. Maybe when Katara hit him in the head, it knocked the manly out of him. That sounds logical, right? Right? I mentally slapped myself; it's not possible to knock a personality trait out of a person. Right? Right?! Um…I'm going to stop having conversations with myself in my mind now…

"Are you kidding me?" I asked him.

He shook his head like a little kid. "I want to go back to camp."

"I don't want to though! I finally found someone who can wield a sword correctly, and I want to take full advantage of you!"

He stomped his foot on the ground. "No."

I stomped mine too. "We're staying here!"







"But I want to go!!" he yelled at me and sat down suddenly.

"We're staying here and that is final!" I crossed my arms to show that my word was law.

"What?" Zuko asked dangerously, a little bit of his old self seemed to have come back for a moment.

"I said-"

"We are going back now!" Zuko yelled through clenched teeth as smoke rose from his clenched fists.

The look in his eyes made me not want to disobey him, if I did, then I might end up missing a limb. "O-ok, lets go…"

He jumped up and smiled. The expression looked alien on his face. "Yeah! Let's go!"

Zuko jumped up, ran over to me, a linked his arm through mine. "C'mon!" he started skipping away, practically dragging me the whole way.


We emerged into the camp to find Katara, Toph, and Aang deep in hushed conversation. When they spotted Zuko dragging me in, the immediately broke apart and approached us.

"Hey Sokka, Zuko, how are things going?" they asked casually, all the while surrounding me.

"Um, well if you really want to know…I-" I was yanked away from Zuko and dragged away with them.

They got back into that same huddle, this time including me in it.

"Sokka, we think we know how to get Zuko back to normal." Aang told me.

"Really?" I asked hopefully.

"Yeah, but it might be a little risky." Toph added with a grin.

"I don't care." I informed them. "Just go and do it."

Katara smiled evilly. "Ok."

She broke away from the group and approached Zuko.

"Zuko…" she addressed him.

"Yes?" he asked.

"I think I want to be your friend now…" she smiled at him.

"Really? Do you mean it?" He asked hopefully.

She held out her arms in a hug. "Come here and give me a hug!"

He smiled wide. "Ok!"

He closed the distance between them in a few skips. But just before he could reach him, she drew some water out of a barrel and sent him flying back with it.

He hit the tree hard again and fell limply to the ground.

Katara brushed her hands off on her skirt and smiled. "All done!"

I stared at everyone's smiling faces on open mouth shock. "Why did you do that again? He could have brain damage now!" It felt odd, being the new voice of reason, but I embraced this new role. "I know you said it might be a little risky, but think about him! Do you think he would want you guys to do this?"

Toph looked at me strangely. "Since when did you care about what he wants?"

I scrunched my eyebrows together, damn that woman, ruining my self-righteous moment like that. "That's not the point. I just don't want to be the one who has to spoon feed him just because he's paralyzed!"

"Oh shut up Sokka." Katara said to me. "Anyway, he's waking up."

We all ran over to Zuko and gathered around him like he was a giant freak show.

His eyes opened slowly and he blinked a few times.

"Zuko, are you alright?" Aang asked worriedly.

He looked at Aang with a blank expression ob his face.

"Zuko?" he asked again.

Again, nothing.

"Do you see what you've done?" I yelled at them. "Now he can't even talk!"

"Shut up Sokka, I'm sure he's just still a little out of it…" Toph told me.

He closed his eyes again, and they suddenly snapped open, causing us all to jump.

He rubbed the back of his head and grumbled something unintelligible to himself. He stood up and looked all of us one by one, his face betraying nothing.

Finally, he opened his mouth to speak. "Yo was up my G's?!" He suddenly grabbed my hand, slid my palm across his, and them pounded my fist with his. He did the same for Aang.

I looked at him, mouth open in confusion, and finally broke the strange silence that had descended on us. "Didn't I tell you what would happen? Look, now he's retarded!"

Lol, can you imagine a gangster Zuko? ...OMG! I CANT STOP LAUGHING NOW!

He he, my last one-shot was so serious, this is a nice change, eh?

YAY! Now that I'm 17, I can see rated R movies!

p.s.- My new favorite word is befuddled...and flabbergasted...

p.p.s- If you read my last oneshot (the good one) I mentioned that I would start reading Pride and Prejudice, and let me tell you, that is one of the best books that I have ever read. It took me a while to get used to/comprehend what they were saying, but now that I finally understand everything, I haven't been able to put the book down. And if it is possible, I think I'm in love with Mr. Darcy...