Walkin' the Beat
For Emiggax, because she brings out the Kanda + Allen humor in me.
This will not make any sense to you unless I describe it first.
So, in this fic, I've boosted everyone's ages three years (i.e. Kanda is 21, Allen is 18, HOORAY), to make things easier for me.
All right, that's all. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Not mine.
ONE: That Crazy Cop
ONE: That Crazy Cop
"Hey there, Officer Kanda! Feelin' a little lucky today?"
Yuu Kanda glared at the vendor in the street. "Do you want to get arrested, crackpot?" he snarled. The vendor cowered and shut his mouth, bending down to hide under his stall. Kanda sneered and kept walking, twirling his lethal baton with his fingers.
Soon, he saw children playing in the middle of the street.
"I hate children…" he hissed, slowly stalking up to them.
One boy looked up. "Hey guys, it's Officer Kanda!" he shouted. "Let's get out of here!"
All the kids screamed in agreement and ran away to the other side of the street. Kanda's eye twitched and he gave chase, swinging his baton about.
"Goddammit!" he growled. "Get back here so I can read you your rights!" All the kids had evacuated to the other side of the street by this point, and the long-haired police officer stopped immediately, watching a semi-truck speed down the road where the kids were just playing. "Oh for God's sake…"
"Timmy!" a hysterical woman cried as she ran out across the street. "Where are you Timmy?! Please don't tell me you got run over!" She broke down on the ground, sobbing and kissing the concrete. "I never got to tell you that daddy was never coming back, because I'm a cheating whore!"
"Uh, mom?" the boy from before said cautiously. "I'm right here."
"Oh, Timmy!" the lady bawled, grabbing her son and hugging him tightly. "I thought you had died!"
"No, we saw that crazy officer Kanda and ran away!" Timmy explained. "I guess he was trying to warn us about that semi instead of trying to arrest us like always!"
"Wow, that officer is the nicest cop ever!"
"The HELL I am!" Kanda roared. "I was trying to get those kids in jail for violating the rule of 'No playing in the streets'!"
"D'awww…he even teaches life lessons!"
"Hey! Are you listening to me over here?! I fucking HATE kids!"
"Man, dig that craaaazy cop!"
And everyone laughed, making Kanda clench his baton and wield it threateningly.
"You're all lucky that I can't arrest all of you!" he hissed, and he stalked away.
"Wait!" one little girl called. All the prior children crowded about in front of Kanda, making the Japanese cop step back in horror. "We just wanted to say we love you, Officer Kanda!"
"You're the best cop ever!" one boy piped up.
Kanda scowled. "You're damn right I'm the best cop ever, and I don't need some snot-nosed brat to tell me. Now, outta my way!"
"But…we love you!" And all the children started hugging the poor man, making him get angrier than usual.
"Get offa me!" he snarled, kicking his legs out from underneath the children's arms. "I said I hate children!"
"Isn't that so cute?" some women cooed. "He's trying to not show any of his overwhelming love for children!"
"I don't HAVE any love for children, goddammit!" Kanda screeched, kicking the last child off his legs and running away for his cruiser. The children shared secret high-fives.
Once he reached his dull police car, he revved it up immediately and took off towards the one place he always got a kick out of terrorizing.
The Millennium Train Station.
Kicking open the door, Kanda stepped out and straightened his police uniform, an evil smirk settling on his face.
Sauntering about the train station, he took great pleasure in the frightened looks everyone gave him, and all was right in the world.
And then he saw a shock of white hair in his peripheral vision, standing at the entrance.
"Hel-lo…" he purred. "New meat…"
Stalking up to the white-haired person, fingering his handcuffs, Kanda fixed his face into its normal scowl.
And then the person fell over.
Everybody watched the body carefully, as if hoping it would get right back up and dust off its clothing.
And then a woman screamed.
And everyone started panicking.
"Oh my FRICKIN' God he's dead!" a teenaged girl screamed on her pink cellphone.
The cellphone was on speaker. "For real?! Is he still alive?!"
Throughout the chaos and commotion, Kanda stepped up to the body.
"Hey!" he yelled, trying to get everyone's attention. "HEY!"
He pulled out his gun and fired a shot in the air.
"Thank you." The Japanese cop said calmly. "Now, I can tell you if he's dead!"
"He's lyin'!" someone yelled in the crowd, making everyone prepare to panic.
"I'm not fucking lying!" Kanda roared. "It's okay, I'm a police officer!" He bend down on one knee and grabbed the (seemingly) young man's pale hand. It was very limp. He dropped it back to the ground, where it fell. Limply.
"Okay, he's dead."
"No I'm not!"
The entire congregation gasped at the white-haired man, who stood up and brushed off his clothes in irritation.
"Just because someone falls down for no reason and doesn't breathe nor show any signs of a pulse doesn't mean they're dead!" he snapped.
Kanda snorted. "Oh, and so I was supposed to think 'he's so alive and healthy that I guess he must be ALIVE'?" he retorted. The Japanese cop pulled out his handcuffs. "You're going downtown, asshole."
"What?" the white-haired man demanded as Kanda snapped the cuffs on his wrists. "Why?!"
"For disobeying an officer and false allusions." Kanda replied. "Now start walking."
The white-haired man looked up from scratching a 1 on the stone wall. "That's me," he said. The barred door opened.
"You're free to go," the police officer said in a thick Australian accent.
"But I've only been here three minutes!"
"More than enough time for your offense." The guard said. "Now, get outta here before Kanda gets back on the prowl."
He didn't need to tell Allen twice.
Next chapter will feature Lavi, that totally suspicious guy that no one can remember why he's so suspicious, and Allen, the innocent college student, along with Kanda, the cop who does his job a little too well.