Why the fuck did I right this I have no clue. I should be getting to work on that Final story shit, but I am in a bad mood AND I WILL WRITE THIS ONESHOT AND YOU WILL FUCKING LIKE IT. AND NINTENDO OWNS SMASH BROS.


My name is Doc. Doctor Mario, M.D.

Lots of you might know me from the Smash Bros. Tournaments. Makes sense.

I mean, it's not that hard. Some omnipresent hand with a load of money starts a fighting league, with the gimmick of Nintendo's stars being the competitors. Sounds like good natured fun, right?

You don't know the half of it.

Roy is a recovering crack addict. Peach has a secret affair with Bowser under Mario's nose (why do you think she's kidnapped all the time?), DeDeDe is drunk all the time, and the only reason Yoshi has kept his nice-guy facade is for the money involed with it.

Yeah, it's life, and its not pretty.


The only reason why I'm still here is that I'm a physican. I mean, I was good enough for Melee but two games aren't gonna cut it. That doesn't mean I still don't fight every once in a while, but I usually work as the medic for the matches. Yeah, we're not invincible. Have I told you about the time Young Link fought with a broken arm? Boy got guts. Shame though, his life was snuffed in a qualifying fight against his successor, Toon Link. That little problem cost the old chief medic his job and that's why I'm still in the hot seat.

I want to get out of it if I could. I mean, I've made friends, won a major championship over the season, and made some extra cash but I don't think I can live this life any longer. Too much stress. The game is tough. One day you could be at the top of the world and the next having a permanent dirt nap and being replaced. Just ask Mewtwo.

So I guess I'm happy I just work as a doctor. Unless it's a big tournament or a point I want to make with another smasher that got on my nerves, I don't fight regularly. I still get paid and I have the perk of "accidently" slipping sleeping pills in Marth's allergy medicine every once in a while.

So that's my life. My life that currently was being occupied with standing on the sidelines nervously, as a serious match was brewing. Tough ranking match, Wolf versus Captain Falcon. Cap'n still had his infamous punch, but he'd let himself go. Didn't fight much. I understood he was looking to get back in the middle of things. Wolf on the other hand was a wildcard. I haven't attended most of his fights, but I have attended to his opponents.

Right now on a nice battle in Pokemon Stadium 2 (the simulation, anyway. The real thing is a white platform that changes forms to look like the arena), Captain Falcon was holding his own and definitely putting on the hurt. Wolf had a beam sword but wasn't able to capitalize on it.

The match was nearing it's end and the crowd was riled up. In the private boxes I knew the league leader, Fox, was watching this match and studying up on his possible enemies. I realized I was searching around for the pills I used in melee, and that's when I knew this match was serious business.

Wolf, frustrated, tossed the beam sword at Falcon. Falcon responded by throwing a nearby Deku nut. An small explosion occured, and the Smash Ball seemed to materialized out of the woodworks.

The crowd gasped, and I tensed. If you asked me from a competitive standpoint, Final Smashes are rather game breaking, and from a professional standpoint... They made for hour-long operations to repair the unlucky target.

Falcon and Wolf jumped at it, but Wolf caught Falcon in the face and the Captain sailed back to the ground. In the same motion, Wolf grabbed the Smash Ball and broke it, glowing yellow. I instinctively took a step back.

"This match is over," I heard Wolf growl, and what appeared to be a landmaster (a part of me went, "ANOTHER LANDMASTER?") appeared. Wolf jumped in the cockpit, and I saw Captain Falcon looking around panicked for a shield, but could only find a Mr. Saturn. I saw the Landmaster fire it's laser, and Captain Falcon was sent flying off the side of the arena-simulation, erupting in a sea of debris, smoke, and flame, while the ground flickered. The match was over and the simulation was resetting.

I started out to while Captain lay before the crowd even started cheering. He groaned in pain and I gaped at what was a broken leg. I swear, Melee had standards, but this was a bloodbath. They still shocked me, those injuries. I saw bone poking out and I cursed.

"You've wrecked your legs but you got off easy." I said flatly, attempting to get him in a sitting position. He gasped and stared at his injury.

"What-" He began, but I was already calling for a stretcher to be sent out.

"I've seen this sort of injury before, it's serious and at best you're gone for six weeks or more." I interrupted. "You need to get that at least mended up now."

I guess Master Hand likes the fact I give my patient the straight up diagnosis. That's the way I like to give it to them. The doctors who give it mushy gushy to people annoy me. I know maybe a terminal illness is one thing but being dramatic over a bruise is disgusting.

The other EMTs were already there, and I tried to move him onto the stretcher. "Lay down," I instructed him. He moved his other leg, gingerly.

"I think I hurt this one too..." He trailed off, knowing that he had a problem or he might be out of the league altogether. I nodded grimly, and turned to one of the other medics.

"Get him to County, mend him up and we'll take it from here. Get transport ASAP." I told him. The medic, a short, nervous Koopa named Dennis nodded and along with the others led him out of the arena.

Meanwhile Wolf had left the arena and the festivities had died down. Glad that the last match of the night was over, I hopped down from the platform, and began to walk away. Unfortunately for me, the next set of match was in three days, and I knew there were some dangerous combinations possible, depending on who was ready to fight, or still alive by then.

And that's the way it is. We can't always believe it's going to be like what's on the outside.

It's a slice of life, and I'll go for seconds.