I was lying on the bed in Edward's room when Emmett crept into the door. Looking up form the book I had been reading, I cocked an eyebrow at him. "Can I help you?"
"Alice wants you." Emmett said with exaggerated innocence.
"She's the one who sent me in here, but nice try. What are you up to?"
"It's April Fool's Day, Bella!" Let me do this, please! This is the first year he won't rip my arms off and beat me over the head with them." He gave me the puppy eyes.
"You know the puppy-with-fangs look doesn't work on me." I told him.
"No, but begging does. Please, Bella. PLLLEEEEEEEAAAASSSSSSSSEEEEEEE..." He trailed off like a four year old until I got tired of it.
"Fine, but I'll agree if he wants to kill you if you deserve it, so be nice." I warned, closing my book. "I guess I'll go see what Esme's doing."
Foolish as I am, I left Emmett alone in Edward's bedroom.
"EMMETT!" Edward screamed the next morning, causing me to wake up with a jolt.
"What's wrong?" I asked drowsily, not yet quite awake.
"I'm going to kill him." Edward growled.
"Does he deserve it?" I asked, rubbing my eyes.
"Yes." Edward said.
"What did he do?" I asked He didn't say anything. "Edward." I warned.
"He stole all my clothing."
"So?" I still had yet to look at him, instead rubbing the sleep from my eyes. "Wear the ones you have on."
"I can't. I was in the shower while you slept."
"So just put on the dirty clothes." I said as I looked up. Instantly, I wished I hadn't. The man was too gorgeous for his own good. He had a single towel wrapped around his slender waist, and water glistened as it worked its way down his perfect chest, down his abs, and beneath the towel. I gulped back saliva in my instantly dry throat as my heart beat a furious tattoo.
"He stole those too." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.
I got up and moved to the dresser. "Surely he missed something. I mean, Emmett's really not that bright." I began to pull open the drawer.
"Bella, no!" Edward lunged for me with one hand firmly gripping his towel.
I finished opening the drawer and searched the inside. What I saw laying there and the implications of what it meant made my heart beat faster in my chest and my stomach to drop into my knees. It was a pink, barely-there piece of lace with no back. It was a pink, lace thong. One I had bought for after our wedding night and had stashed deep in my underwear drawer, where Emmett had obviously been routing around. I held it up with one finger, looked at it for a moment, then swallowed.
"You have my permission to kill him." I said through clenched teeth.
"Thanks, love." He said and was gone. The towel floated to the floor like flotsam and I delighted in the mental image it presented for a moment, until the sound of two boulders colliding rang through the house. There was another monsterous thud, presumably with Emmett hitting the floor, before Emmett's booming laughter filled the house. Tied to the thong was a note reading, "April Fools, Edward" with a picture of my underwear drawer. I clenched my fists and went down to kill him myself.