Disclaimer: I do not, nor ever will, own Sonic the Hedgehog or any related characters.
Shadow the Hedgehog watched the ongoing scene in distaste and disapproval. His upper lip was quirked upwards a fraction of an inch. His fiery red eyes were narrowed slightly, making it almost unnoticeable and his fingers drummed on the table sitting before him in a steady rhythm.
There she was, the ultimate life form's ally: Rouge the Bat. On a date. With another guy.
...Not that he cared or anything.
He was just...a little annoyed. But why should he be? In fact, he shouldn't even be here at the moment.
The loud and resounding ding of the doorbell rang through the empty halls and rooms of Club Rouge. The famous night club was closed today, giving the owner a much needed time off to enjoy herself.
Shadow raised his bloody red eyes towards the direction of the door, cocking the large, silver handgun he had been painstakingly cleaning and wiping. There were two possibilities to who it could be: Either Rouge's annoying fan club or the blue hedgehog.
Either way, he needed the firearm.
"Shadow, could you get that please?" he heard his closest female friend call, sticking her head out of her bathroom door for a second to make sure he heard her.
With his grip on the handle of the gun increasing, the ultimate life form casually strolled towards the door, letting the one or ones waiting outside wait a little while longer while he raised his trusty gun to shoulder-level.
With a grip on the handle and the flex of an arm, the door was ripped open, Shadow aiming the gun directly at whoever was foolish enough to stand there.
A cocoa-furred, male bat nearly jumped out of his blue jeans and sleeveless black shirt, bright blue eyes widening, "Whoa there, buddy! I'm innocent!"
Shadow paused. He wasn't Sonic, nor was he any of Rouge's obsessive worshipers. So, acting the way he would in any situation, he kept the loaded and locked gun pointed at the newcomer's face.
"That depends solely on your purpose here."
The blue-eyed bat grinned widely, vaguely reminding the dark hedgehog of Sonic, "Well, I'm here to take --" he cut himself off, his eyes widening slightly, "Wait a minute, aren't you Shadow the Hedgehog?"
Not really seeing any harm in doing so, the midnight colored hedgehog nodded, lowering the weapon pointed at the guest. So, he was still as famous as ever? Even if he almost joined Black Doom to take over the planet and eradicate mankind? Shadow mentally snorted. No one was perfect, it was just a little mix up.
"Dude, you totally rock!" the unnamed male continued before extending his hand, "My name's Brian."
The ultimate life form's defenses and antisocial nature were up again in a heartbeat, but he kept himself from raising the weapon at the bat again. Flattered as he was that he "rocked", he still didn't know what this character was here for.
"What do you want?" Shadow asked, leaning on the door frame, his eyes narrowing yet again, ignoring the bat's attempt at a hand shake.
A beautiful white bat decided to interrupt the little meeting between the two males at the time, jumping out of the door and hugging Shadow from behind, rubbing the top of his head, "Don't mind him Brian, he's just a big old teddy bear!"
A couple of years ago, if someone had jumped the ultimate life form and self-proclaimed ultimate bad-ass from the back, rubbed the top of his head like he was some kind of child, and called him a teddy bear, that person surely would have ended up hanging off the side of a skyscraper with a fist-full of Chaos Spears shoved down their throat.
But, time tended to change people. And the fact that it was Rouge who did this to him made it somewhat acceptable, although he still didn't like it, especially in front of other people.
With a swat of his hand, Shadow slithered out of the huntress' grip, shifting to the other side of the door, his finger twitching on the trigger of the gun. Being called a teddy bear always made him sort of...twitchy.
"So," Brian said with a smile, eying Rouge up and down like an artist would his finished masterpiece, "Shall we go, my lovely lady?"
Shadow's lower jaw nearly hit the floor.
'Lovely lady? Who the hell does this guy think he is? I should Chaos Blast this idiot into the next life!' His eyes traveled Rouge, 'Come on! Say the word and I'll have him choking on his own tongue!'
But, shocking the ultimate life form even more, Rouge smiled, extending her hand, which Brian graciously accepted, pulling the treasure huntress into his grasp.
This time Shadow's jaw did hit the floor. What the hell was Rouge thinking, going into that stranger's arms like that? She must have been under the influence of some sort of mind-controlling drug! The ultimate life form released the safety switch of his gun.
Rouge, noticing Shadow's obviously shocked look, sighed, "Shadow, did you forget my date? I told you yesterday that I was going out with a guy named Brian. Do you ever listen?"
Proving the bat's claims to be true, Shadow completely toned her out, his eyes, and now his gun, focused solely upon this "Brian" character.
Rouge sighed again, rolled her eyes, and swatted the gun to the side, inadvertently causing the ultimate life form to pull the trigger. A loud bang shot through the air, followed by the sound of splintering glass and wood. Turning around with a shudder, Shadow noticed that he had shot through the picture frame of a photo containing him and Rouge.
And of course, the bullet went straight through were Shadow's face used to be.
"You'll replace that," Rouge called out.
The ultimate life form turned around, about to say something, but then noticed that the huntress was already getting into Brian's car: a crimson ford mustang. The engine of the car roared to life before the vehicle pulled out of the driveway to the club, racing down the street.
All the while, Shadow stood in the doorway motionless, his eyes still wide with shock and his mouth still agape.
'Really, how could this day get any worse?' he thought grimly.
"Hey Shads, what's happening?" a loud and annoying voice called.
The ultimate life form blinked, 'Yes God, I hate you too.'
Much to the dismay of the midnight colored hedgehog, Sonic, in all his blue glory came jogging up to him, a bright and annoying smile on his face.
The azure hero stopped beside the dark anti-hero, slapping him on the back with a devious grin, "What's got you so down, bro? Not getting enough of the good stuff from Rougey, huh?"
Shadow's finger twitched on the trigger of his gun again.
"Soooooo," Sonic drawled the single word out, etching Shadow's nerves again,"Rougey is on a date with another guy, huh? I really don't see the problem."
The blue hedgehog leaned back in his chair, located in Rouge's living room. Both him and Shadow were in Club Rouge – although the ultimate life form never recalled inviting his rival in – half-heartily watching television.
"Of course you don't see the point," Shadow snapped, "You're an idiot."
Sonic feigned a hurt look, "Aw, is someone a little grouchy?"
"Can it," the ultimate life form shot back, "Before I can you."
The blue hedgehog put his hands up, "No need to get violent, Shadow. So, you're worried about Rougey being on a date with another guy...why?"
"Because," the crimson-striped hedgehog hissed, lazily pointing his gun towards the TV screen which read: Hilary '08, and pretending to pull the trigger, "How would you feel if some guy went on a date with Amy?"
Sonic shrugged, "I wouldn't care. I mean, it's not like I like--" he cut himself off, his lips curving into a devilish grin, "You like her, don't ya?"
Shadow blinked, his face uncharacteristically reddening slightly, "Of course I don't. She's my partner, my ally."
The hero lowered his eyelids, that smirk still on his face, "You mean an ally on the mattress?"
'I can't believe this shit!' Shadow cursed in his mind, feeling another thorn spike him in the rear, 'Why did I ever listen to that moron?'
His eyelids lowered as he tossed the blue hedgehog hunched next to him a nasty look. But he couldn't suppress a grin when he noticed Sonic's big black eye again. He would never use "ally" and "mattress" in the same sentence in front of him again.
In all honesty though, it was not an ultimate life form-thing to do, hiding in a bunch of thorn bushes and spying on Brian and Rouge on their date. The two love-birds had decided to go on a picnic in the park and Sonic had suggested to follow them.
"Ow!" Sonic yelped, pulling a thorn out of his forehead.
"Shut up, you idiot!" Shadow hissed, slapping a hand over his friend's mouth.
Making sure that neither Brian or Rouge overheard anything, he removed his hand.
"Hey...Shadow," Sonic whispered.
"What?" the black hedgehog snapped, irritated by Sonic and by the thorns littering his legs and back.
"...Can you pull this thorn outta my butt?"
Rouge looked up, startled by the sound of a loud smack followed by an agonized wail of pain. Waiting a few moments, no other sound presented itself, the huntress decided to focus on her date again.
"So, what were you saying?"
Sonic, now with two big black eyes, grinned devilishly, "Don't worry about a thing Shad-man, this is gonna work for sure! Gum in the hair always makes the girl call the date off!"
The ultimate life form resisted the child-like urge to roll his eyes. Alas, here he was again with that idiotic blue hedgehog spying on Rouge and her date. But this time, the love-birds were in a dark movie theater, watching some weird movie called: "Jackass 2".
Even though it was pitch-dark in the theater, both Sonic and Shadow could clearly see the outlines of a female and male bat against the screen. The two seemed way too close to each other for Shadow's comfort.
Next to him, Sonic pulled the piece of gum that he had been chewing out of his mouth, his eyes scanning until he found Rouge. Closing one eye, the azure hero flicked the pink piece of chewing pleasure at the bat.
It was very unfortunate that Sonic has horrible aim.
Halfway on its collision course with Rouge, the piece of gum seemed to grow a mind of its own and steered to the left, smacking into the back of someone else's head.
There was a pause before the figure that had been hit stood to its full – seven foot and two inches to be exact – height. It was only then that Sonic noticed the figure he had accidentally hit was a large, muscular, black bull.
He blinked, "...Aw, dammit."
Oh, how Shadow laughed. But the movie playing on the screen in front of him had absolutely nothing to do with his heart-felt humor. It was the first time the ultimate life form could remember actually tearing up in the eyes from laughing so much.
"Shut up, Shadow! It's not funny!" Sonic cried pathetically.
The blue hedgehog had literally been driven through his seat by the sheer man-handling power of the bull, his buttocks touching the sticky, disgusting ground of the movie theater. His legs were sticking up vertically in the air on account of the position he was in and his arms were also trapped within the torn hole in the chair.
To Shadow however, the best part by far was that the bull had bought a large pack of gum, chewed each piece individually to get as much saliva on them as he could, and stuck them all on Sonic's forehead, making a message that read:
"I am not gay! Do I look like I shop at Aeropostale?" Sonic cried out to make sure everyone in the movie theater knew, not that anyone cared though.
Noticing that both Rouge and Brian had left the movie early, Shadow stood up, his mouth releasing more chuckles, "All right. Looks like they've left."
He was in such a good mood.
Tossing his soda onto the ground of the theater, the ultimate life form walked out of the exit, leaving Sonic twisting and screaming in his make-shift prison.
"Shadow! You asshole, don't leave me here!"
It was the last part of their date. Rouge and Brian had decided to go to a fancy restaurant conveniently placed within the Station Square Shopping Mall. They had utterly failed to ruin the two bat's date together, and Shadow was beginning to lose hope.
Honestly, how could she go out with another guy? After everything they've been through together, how could she pick another—wait. It's not like he cared. He didn't care at all. He was just being a little protective of his female friend. His very hot, seductive, smart, funny, hot, talented, quick-witted, reliable, hot female friend.
There was nothing strange about that.
Rouge was his best friend, to an extent. Being a female, she could never really grasp the title of "BFF" with the ultimate life form. She was the closest person to him, that was stone-set. But, as for the best friend thing, he would say it would have to go to...
Shadow eyed the annoying blue hedgehog sitting next to him, blissfully slurping his milkshake.
He face-palmed, 'I can't believe that I'm admitting it to myself. This blue sack of dumbass is actually my best friend. Oh, how low I've sunk.'
He remembered the good old days in which he tried to either destroy the planet with a super-powered space canon or take it over and rule with an iron fist alongside his genetic father, Black Doom. Why didn't he just stay evil and bad to the bone? Besides, chicks really seemed to dig him when he was a cold and ruthless asshole.
That was it. He had gone completely soft. Two years ago, he would've bitch-slapped Brian, strolled over to Rouge, and demanded that she became his baby's mama. Hanging out with the cream-puff Sonic squad had turned him into a complete wuss.
Oh well. Life goes on.
But not for Sonic.
"Would you cut that out?" Shadow snapped, his garnet-red eyes glaring at the innocent green ones of Sonic.
Innocent his ass. Feigned innocence was more like it.
Sonic removed his lips from the straw that connected him to his own personal Heaven, raising a brow, "What's the matter, Shads? You still upset over Rougey? Look, I know our last two tries had as much success as Britney Spears at the VMA's, but don't be so down! I've got an idiot-proof plan this time!"
"We needed an idiot-proof plan the last two times, you moron," the ultimate life form responded venomously.
Sonic grinned, "Yeah, I forgot that you were working with me. I usually just go with water-proof plans."
"I'm really sorry, Rouge. I enjoyed our date and all, but I just don't think you're the one for me. I hope we can still be friends." There was a quiver in his voice.
Rouge sighed into her phone, rubbing her temple, "Yeah, that would be great, Brian. I'll talk to you later, m'kay? Bye."
She hung up. Well, more so slammed the phone onto its stand, nearly cracking its plastic skeleton. There was an eerie silence in the living room situated above Club Rouge. The huntress was livid, absolutely uber-pissed. Why did this always happen to her dates? They would have a romantic evening, he would bid her goodbye, she would not jingle her keys but give him a wink, and then he'd call and tell her it was over.
And the icing on the cake was that today was Station Square's annual Spring Festival. She had planned on going with Brian but the male bat had told her off.
"Why? she yelled, throwing her arms into the air, "Why does every guy I go out with reject me the second time?"
Shadow and Sonic, who were both sitting in the same living room on the couch, exchanged glances.
"Can you two tell me why?" Rouge asked, taking a seat next to Shadow, "Give me an insight on the male mind or something! Why do guys always reject me?"
She was desperate and they knew it...
Brian smiled, watching the lovely and voluptuous Rouge stroll through her door, turn around, blow him a kiss, and softly close the entrance to her house.
The date couldn't have gone any better. First, they had a picnic in Station Square Park, only being interrupted by a weird girly scream, then they went to the movies, the only interruption being that of squeaky cries as a buff black bull pummeled the hell outta someone, and then they had a dinner at one of Station Square's most fancy restaurants, slurping sounds the only thing discomforting them slightly.
Nearly perfect. And with the opposite gender, that was as close as you could come.
Dotting his pinkie and pointing finger with a soft sheen of spit from his mouth and straightening out his eyebrows by pushing his damp fingers against them, the male bat turned around, popping his collar. He had just scored the hottest and most awesome chick on the planet. Nothing could ruin his day now!
Or so he thought.
Every single street light illuminating the road and sidewalk in front of Club Rouge suddenly sizzled and died, leaving Brian standing in the eerie darkness of twilight. It was quiet. Too quiet, if he wanted to be cliche about it.
Shrugging and shaking the thought off with an explanation of power failure, the male bat took a step away from Club Rouge when two simultaneous blasts of air rattled his senses. Blinking at the sudden realization that he was no longer alone, Brian's mouth went slightly agape.
A cold sweat ran down his back at the sight of two demonic-looking hedgehogs standing not five feet from him. The surrounding darkness made them seem completely sinister, as if they had jumped out of the nearest sewer hole that went straight down to hell.
The hedgehog on the left, his body covered in an extreme shade of blue, although it could have been because of the lack of light, narrowed his venomous green eyes at the male.
"Had a good time?"
Brian gulped, taking a step back. The voice was dripping with venom.
The hedgehog on the right, who was covered in night-black fur with blood red stripes running down his arms, legs, and quills, narrowed his ruby-red eyes as well, mimicking his companion.
"You fancy the wrong woman, Brian. Why don't you go find yourself someone else?" the hedgehog sneered, spitting the bat's name out like a bad piece of meat.
'How does this freak know my name?' Brian thought wildly, when he suddenly came to a realization, his mouth forming his thoughts, "Wait a second, aren't you Shadow? The one I saw before my date with Rouge?"
Apparently, using the words "Date" and "Rouge" in the same sentence in front of the black hedgehog was a dire mistake. The moment those words left Brian's lips, a crimson aura surrounded the red-stripped hedgehog, the air filling with murderous intent.
Brian slowly took a step back when he saw the black hedgehog's eyes beginning to take on a hellish red glow, "Wrong answer."
Moments later, a pain-filled scream tore through the air.
But would they give her the answer she wanted?
"Those guys are all just idiots," Sonic waved off, "Besides, I'm sure someone else can take you to the festival today."
Rouge buried her face in her hands, sighing loudly and over-dramatically, "Who? Omega? That stupid echidna? Tell me one person on this planet that could take me to the festival today!"
"He will," the blue hedgehog replied simply, jutting a thumb towards the black hedgehog next to him.
The huntress paused, a light pink shade powdering her tan cheeks. But just as fast as the blush came, it went away as Rouge violently shook her head.
"Sonic, that's a stupid idea. First of all, it's not like Shadow would even want to--"
Rouge blinked, "Excuse me?"
Shadow smirked, rising from his seat on the couch, "Don't make me so something as childish as repeating myself, Rouge. I said let's go."
Repeating her previous action, the white bat blinked again, her mouth hanging open and moving awkwardly like a fish out of water.
Sonic wiggled his eyebrows, nudging Shadow with his elbow, "Don't party too hard, Shad-meister. We wouldn't want your ally to end up having to sleep on your mattress from all the alcohol."
There they were again. The two words Shadow swore Sonic would never speak in front of him again in the same sentence. But, surprisingly, instead of choking the life out of the blue devil, the ultimate life form simply smirked, closed his eyes, took Rouge by the arm, and lead her out of Club Rouge.
Sonic groaned, leaving his beautiful double-decker Chili Dog Supreme with extra chili sitting on the counter of his apartment, going to answer the door which had been getting knocked on quit rapidly. Honestly, couldn't he be left alone for five minutes to enjoy that delicious beauty?
Ripping the door open, the hero wasted no time speaking his mind to whoever was standing there, "Look buddy, I ain't got time for this. You see the Chili masterpiece behind me? It has my name on it so can you get the hell outta--"
"My darling Sonic, is that anyway to greet your date?"
Oh God, no.
Next thing he knew, he was tackled by a sakura-pink blur of fur, dragged out of his apartment and away from his one and only true love: his grand masterpiece of a Chili Dog that he was positive he could never make that particularly delicious way again.
Shadow broke off his heated make-out session with Rouge, looking up with a dark smirk slowly curling its way onto his lips.
"Shadow," Rouge whispered between ragged and heavy breaths, "What's wrong?"
He looked back down at his beauty.
"I think Sonic is going to need some therapy after tonight."
Before the white and out-of-breath bat could even begin to contemplate what the ultimate life form was talking about, his lips crashed onto her bruised ones again.
She decided that she could care less about Shadow's strange words.
Author's Note- Whoo! That was a little long. Well, I just can't resist Sonic and Shadow doing stupid stuff together, it has so much potential! Remember to leave a review and tell me what you guys thought! (Remember to check out "In the End" if you have time!)
...Yes, I do hate Hilary Clinton