Why Does Losing Have To Be So Hard

When I saw the look on Ducky's face, I knew. Her plane was supposed to come in at ten so I drove to her house and waited. I couldn't believe that she hadn't told me.

I saw her car pull up on the driveway. Now that I knew, I could see the tiredness in her body, the way that John, her driver, helped her out of the car. I allowed her fifteen minutes inside before I got out of my car and jogged up to the door. I was about to raise my hand and knock when the door swung open. I found myself face to face with her housekeeper, Noami.

"She's in the office," Noami said. I gave her a half smile and walked into the house and down the hallway. I found her sitting in one of the chairs in front of the fireplace. She had a glass of bourbon in one hand and she was staring senselessly into the dancing flames.

"Jen," I said quietly. She didn't look at me, but she motioned for me to sit next to her. I walked over and sat down next to her. A single tear slid down her cheek.

"I'm dying, Jethro," she said quietly, brushing away the tear that had escaped.

"Jen, why didn't you tell me?" I said, taking her hand in my own.

"I didn't want you to worry," was her reply.

"Jen, I can't lose you," I said.

"Jethro, there's nothing I can do. I have a brain tumor; the doctor says it's only a matter of time. I sent in my resignation, I don't want to live my final days in an office," she said.

"Jen," I started to say, but she placed her hand on my cheek, stopping me.

"Stay with me until I'm gone," she said, tears slipping down her face freely now.

I stayed with her, spending everyday with her. I held her when she died and her final words were 'I love you'. At the funeral Abby stuck to me like glue; knowing that I needed comfort. Tony and Ziva seemed to draw a comfort off of each other's presence and I knew that rule number twelve was out the window.

In the days following her death, I didn't do anything, I didn't eat, and I didn't sleep. It was like a piece of me had disappeared. I had felt this way when Shannon and Kelly had died. I eventually got back into my normal routine, but every year in the anniversary of her death, I went and placed orchids on her grave. I would sit there for hours and when I went to leave, my last words were 'I love you'.

A/N: So, last night's episode was bugging me and I just found out that I have to leave college because I'm on crutches because of my knee and since I go to a culinary school, I can't do my labs, so, home I go, so I'm just generally depressed and I felt like writing this. It's my version of NCIS's impending character doom.