Two Against the World, Baby
"He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not" Dean Winchester sat cross legged on the floor of his and Sam's motel room, a bunch of daisy sat on the floor before him, one in his hand "he loves me" Dean pulled a pretty white petal from its stem then dropped it to the ground "He loves me not" he pulled another one off then repeated the process "he loves me!" Dean dropped the destroyed flower to the ground then reached for the second when he saw two booted feet, two feet that belonged to his baby brother "Oh where did you come from?" he asked looking up at Sam "and how long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough to hear you say he loves me, he loves me not."
"Well see" Dean quickly rose to his feet and kicked the petals away "I think you heard me wrong" he scratched behind his neck as he did so often when he was nervous or busted. "I said she loves me" Dean supplied "that's what I said."
"No I definitely heard he" Sam replied "But hey its cool" he held up his hand "I mean if you're… you choose to be-"
"I'm not gay!" he spat "I said SHE!"
Sam smirked "No you said he!"
"Damn it Sam!" Dean shouted "You know what, just forget you saw anything, ok!"
"Fine" Sam grunted, "I saw nothing."
"Right" Dean breathed a sigh of relief then set to work on cleaning up the mess. He scooped the flowers up into his arms then departed from the room, he walked outside and tossed the flowers and the petals into the gardein. But he kept the one he had destroyed in his hand, he stared down at it, he stared so hard at that his eyes hurt. "He loves me not!" Dean threw the stem to the ground then stormed back inside.
Sam sighed loudly then flopped down onto his bed, why did Dean always lie to him? He had clearly said he, he heard it, more then once too. Did Dean love someone else? Did he love a guy? Maybe he loved Sam? No he didn't love Sam, well not more then brotherly love. Though Sam wished he loved him more, he wished that he loved him like a lover would. But that would never be, he and Dean were just brothers and that's how it would stay. Heck that's how it should be, they were brothers and what Sam wanted was wrong and Dean would think so too.
"So you find us a hunt?"
Sam looked up to see Dean standing before him; he hadn't even heard him come in "No."
"Couldn't find one" Sam sighed.
"What do you mean?" Dean's eyes narrowed "There are always jobs out there Sam, so go find us one!"
"Find one yourself Dean!" Sam shouted, "I'm going for a walk" he stood up then stormed out of the motel room.
"Fuck!" Dean kicked his duffle, which had been laying on the ground, into the nearby table. He sunk onto the bed and buried his head in his hands. He was so stupid. Why couldn't he just tell Sam how he felt? Why could he just say 'Sam I love you more then a brother'. That sounded so simple, yet it was complicated. "Dean you're a fool" he said to him "You'll never have the guts to tell him how you really feel" Dean felt tears sting his eyes and for once he let them fall. He lay down on the bed and sobbed, something he would never do but it hurt too much to keep it in any longer.
Sam zipped up his jacket then tucked his hands into his pockets; it was freezing outside. He may have looked calm from the outside but Sam's mind was racing, he wanted, he needed to know who Dean's lover was. Who could this mystery man be? Where did he meet him and when? He had so many unanswered questions and he knew Dean wouldn't answer them. His heart was breaking, shattering into millions of pieces, his soul was crushed and he felt like he was dying.
He felt tears sting his eyes, he wiped at them angrily; he would not cry. He would stay strong, because falling apart would do him no good, it wouldn't get him Dean. He envied the guy that Dean loved; he was the luckiest man in the world, but he didn't know Dean the way Sam did. He couldn't love Dean the way he did. No one could ever love him as much as Sam did, that was for sure.
Sam shut his eyes and took a deep breath; he wondered what he looked like? Was he tall like Sam? Did he have short or long hair, what colour eyes did he have? Did he know what Dean's favourite movie was? Did he know what his favourite ice cream was? Did he know that Dean liked to watch Oprah even though he'd never admit it?
Sam would bet his life on it that this guy knew nothing about Dean. He wouldn't know his favourite song or his favourite food or favourite colour; no one knew Dean like Sam did. They complemented each other; they knew each other inside out they were prefect together but by some strange turn of fate they had ended up brothers when they should have been lovers.
Sam shut his eyes and held back a sob, his heart ached painfully and tears threatened to spill. He blinked away the tears, he wanted them to go, he wasn't going to cry; he wasn't! He stopped and took a deep breath; he didn't even know where he was. He took a long look at his surroundings, he was walking along a footpath that was near a busy street, a pub and a few other shops stood on the other side of the road.
"I need a drink" he stepped out onto the asphalt and headed across the road, he was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he hadn't bothered to check for cars and that was a big mistake. A black car came out of nowhere; Sam didn't even have time to blink. He felt his body smash into the bonnet and he was hulled over the car. He landed on the hard road, black dots danced before his eyes then everything went dark.
Dean had spent the afternoon sulking, he hadn't heard from Sam since he left a few hours ago. He loved Sam, he loved him so much it hurt, it hurt like hell. He felt his heart breaking. Dean Winchester never cried and he never sulked, that was what Dean called 'a chick thing' yet here was doing it. Sulking. Crying. Heart broken. He wanted to have Sam lay down beside him, to have him sleep next to him. He wanted to wake up beside him, to feel the warmth radiate from his body. He wished Sam would lay down beside him, he wished he'd kiss him, hold him and never let go, never, ever let go.
He looked down at his phone that was held in his sweaty hand, he was wanting, wishing, that Sammy would call. He wanted to hear his voice, hear him say he loved him and that was coming back. But it never came, the room was silent, the only sound was Dean's sobbing. "He loves me not," Dean sobbed, "He freakin hates me" Dean tossed his phone across the room, a surge of angry running through him "I gave him everything!" he shouted "I did everything for him! And he hates me! Why doesn't he love me?" Dean caved. He broke.
Dean rose to his feet and kicked Sam's bed; he picked up the lamp and smashed it. He raised his fist and hit the wall as a hard as he could, his knuckles ached painfully but he kept hitting the wall, over and over again. He didn't stop until his hand throbbed with pain, blood seeped through his broken skin and some had even stained the wall. "Fuck!"
Dean's legs started to shake; he dropped to the floor, landing on his knees. The pain shot up through his back, but he didn't care he was completely numb. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing, but he felt like he was suffocating. He couldn't' get enough air into his lungs, he would die, he was going to die.
Suddenly the sound of Dean's phone pulled him back to reality. He quickly ran to his phone, which was lying on the floor next to Sam's bed. He reached the phone and placed it to ear, his hand shaking "Sammy!"
"Sir, are you related to Samuel Winchester" came a calm but unfamiliar voice.
Dean's heart started to race "Who is this? Where is Sam?" he felt panic swell up within him.
"Sir I'm a paramedic" the man replied "right now Sam is on his way to the hospital, now I need to know if you are of any relation."
Hospital Dean's heart skipped a beat Oh God, what's happened?
Dean shook his head, now was not the time to lose it, he had to tell the paramedic who he was. "Dean" he said choking on a sob, "Dean Winchester, I'm his brother."
"OK sir" he replied, "your brother is being taken to San Francisco Memorial Hospital."
"I'll be right there!"
Dean raced through the corridor of San Francisco Memorial Hospital; his heart felt like it was about to burst out of his chest. He came to a sudden halt in front of a desk where an elderly woman was. She was so deep in conversation that she didn't even notice Dean standing there, when she finally looked up she gave a sweet smile and said she won't be a moment. Dean however didn't have a moment to spare.
"Hey lady" he slapped his hand down on the desk "I don't have a moment, I need to know where my brother is, NOW!"
She seemed taken aback by his outburst "Sir if you could just hold on a sec-"
"-No! I need to know where my brother is!" he shouted "please."
She looked up at him through her gold-rimmed glasses and gave a curt nod, "What's his name love?"
"Sam Winchester" Dean breathed.
She typed something in on the keyboard then looked back up at Dean "he is in Doctor McNaven's care" she said with a sweet smile "I'll page him and have him meet you here."
"Why can't you just tell me where Sam is?"
"I'm sorry" she apologized "Doctor McNaven will be with you shortly."
Dean sighed with frustration then walked off, he slumped down into one of the hard chairs, knowing that this was going to be a long night. He felt tears sting his eyes, he felt so guilty. Sam had left because he was mad at Dean, if Dean hadn't been such a jerk Sam would have stayed and he wouldn't be here right now. He had stuffed up, he had stuffed up big time, but that's what he did best. He had always stuffed up; every time Sam or his father had been hurt it was his fault. It was always his fault.
Dean's shoulders slumped "What have I done?" he buried his head in his hands and tried to block out the world around him. The hospital was filled with noise and he just wanted some peace and quiet. But that wasn't happening anytime soon.
Dean's head shot up, he turned to face a man with thick black hair "Yeah?"
"I'm Dr McNaven" he replied, "I'd like you to come with me."
"Just tell me how my brother is" he spat "I just want to know if he is ok."
The Doctor sighed, "Please sir just come with me."
Dean glared at the Doctor. He obeyed and rose to his feet. The Doctor gave him a small smile then led him out of the waiting room, they stopped in a quiet part of the hospital "You're brother was bought in half an hour ago-"
"-I know that" Dean spat "just tell me what happened to him!"
"Your brother was hit by a car" he said simply "he has severe bruising, a broken arm and a bad concussion" the doctor listed off Sam's injuries "But he is in a stable condition."
"Can I see him?"
"Room 114 on the second floor" he replied, "I'll be in later to check up on him" he gave Dean a soft smile then walked off.
Dean turned around and headed to the left, he hit the button then waited. The light lit up and the door slid open, Dean stepped inside then hit the button to go to the second floor. The doors slid shut and Dean broke. He felt fear swell within him but worse was the guilt, the pure guilt. This was all his fault; Sam was hurt because of him.
The doors slid open and Dean raced out of the lift, he ran, he ran until he reached room 114. He opened the door and slipped inside, his heart fell. Sam lay unmoving on the bed; bruises and cuts littered his body. He had an oxygen mask placed over his nose, and his left arm was in a cast. Dean stumbled over to the bed; tears ran unchecked down his cheeks. He collapsed onto the chair that was beside Sam's bed.
"I'm so sorry Sammy" Dean sobbed, "This is my fault," Dean placed his hand on Sam's "Please just wake up Sammy" he pressed a soft kiss to Sam's forehead "I love you" he started to stroke Sam's hair, smoothing it down in places. "So much." Dean shut his eyes and let the tears fall, how could he have let this happen. His eyes slowly opened and he looked down at Sam, bruises and cuts covered his face "I'm gonna make everything better" he lifted up the oxygen mask and pressed a soft kiss to Sam's lips.
Sam's eyes slowly opened, he blinked in confusion "Dean?" his vision started to clear and he could now make out Dean, he had tears running down his cheek "Dean" he said a bit louder this time.
Dean looked down at Sam; a smile graced his face "Oh thank God!" he embraced Sam in a hug, burying his head in his hair.
"Dean" Sam wrapped his arm around Dean "I'm sorry."
"For what" Dean pulled back and looked puzzled at Sam.
"For being a jerk," he said softly.
"No Sammy" Dean said firmly "You have no need to apologies ok baby, I was the one who attacked like a jerk."
Sam smiled up at Dean, how he loved Dean's eyes. They were so beautiful just like Dean, God how he loved Dean. He just waned to kiss him, to hold him and never ever let go. "I have to tell you something" the words left Sam's mouth before he could stop them.
"What is it" Dean asked, stroking Sam's hair.
"I love you," he said and he was going to finish it, no more lying.
"I love ya too kiddo."
"No Dean, you don't get it" Sam sounded so tired and weak even to himself "I'm in love with you." the cat was out of the bag and there was no going back now.
Dean was speechless, did Sam just say what he thought he said, no way. He was hearing things, no way Sam was in love with him they were just brothers, that's all.
"Dean if you hate me I understand and if you think I'm crazy then it's ok, but I am in love with you."
"I love you too," Dean blurted out but once he did he felt a strange feeling wash over him "I've been in love with you as long as I can remember Sam."
Sam smiled up at Dean, tears shone in his eyes. Dean smiled back down at Sam, he pressed another kiss to Sam's head then rose to his feet, he squeezed in beside Sam and snuggled close to him. He was face to face with Sam; everything he had ever wanted was coming true. He reached for the mask and slowly pulled it off, his lips hovering over Sam's. Sam made the move. He lightly brushed his lips against Dean's then the kiss grow deeper. Suddenly Sam pulled back and coughed loudly, Dean quickly placed the mask back over his mouth and caressed his face.
"Just breathe" he said calmly "breathe baby."
Sam's breathing returned to normal and the colour returned to his face, he placed his hand on Dean's face and caressed his cheek.
"Just take it easy babe" Dean kissed Sam's forehead again "Just sleep."
Sam's eyes slid shut and his lolled to the side; soon he was lulled to sleep by Dean's caresses and soothing words. Dean stared down at Sam as he continued to stroke his hair; he looked so peaceful when he slept, even though he was covered with bruises. Dean's eyes slowly closed, he was exhausted yet so happy, so compete. Everything he ever wanted was coming true and he knew everything would be ok from here on.
The following weekend Sam was discharged from hospital, he still had numerous bruises over his body and a few cuts but otherwise he was doing well. He and Dean were doing well. In the last week he and Dean had cuddled more then they had in their life, they would also share quick kisses when no one was around.
Now that Sam was back at the motel things were a little more stable, he and Dean could kiss when they wanted and cuddle when they wanted. And cuddle was what they did… a lot. Sam lay with his head on Dean's chest as Dean ran his fingers through Sam's hair. This had become a habit, they would lie together, Dean would caress Sam's hair and they would share kisses.
Sam loved these moments, they were bliss. But Sam had a question he wanted to ask Dean, he had been meaning do ask it for ages but never got around to it, now was the time. "Hey Dean?"
Sam sat up so he could turn to face Dean "Can I ask you something?"
"The other week… when you were pulling the petals from the flowers and saying 'he loves me, he loves me not' you were asking it if I loved you?"
"Yeah… I was" Dean confessed, "It was right too" he planted a kiss to Sam's lips.
"See well I thought…" Sam looked away "That you loved someone else, that you loved another man."
"Sam" Dean placed Sam's chin in the crook of his fingers then turned his head so he would look at him "I could never love another" his lips brushed against Sam's and he could feel the pure love Dean had for him "its you and me against the world, baby."
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