Final Fantasy VII

Unwanted Ride

By LuckyLadybug

Notes: The characters from the games are not mine, but the Rakeshes, Dalton, and the story are! It is complete and utter silliness and randomness, and was totally inspired by the 31 Days prompt A kangaroo communiqué. I decided to go for the nonsense and took it literally. Thanks to Kaze for the plot help!


Fighting with Azazel Rakesh in a helicopter flying low over the Australian outback was not high on Zack's list of favorite things to do. It did have a fairly generous rank on his list of what he wanted to never do, he decided as he dodged a punch from Azazel's prosthetic hand. The metal appendage slammed into the wall instead, leaving a good-sized and daunting dent.

"Ooh," Zack winced, placing a subconscious hand to his cheek.

Azazel sneered at him. "That will be you next time," he said, whirling to fully face the former SOLDIER. He flexed the fake fingers, straightening them after having punched the wall. The helicopter shifted, clipping the trees.

Zack swayed but soon had his balance. "Oh yeah?" he retorted, smirking back at the villain. "I think you're forgetting who you're dealing with here!" With that he lunged, delivering a harsh blow to the other's jaw. Azazel staggered back, crashing against the back of the empty pilot's seat.

The helicopter, out of control despite the auto pilot, dipped even lower and tipped.

Perhaps it was fate. Or just extraordinarily bad luck. But Zack toppled out through the open doorway with a yelp.

It was not that far to the ground. But he did not impact. Instead he crashed onto the back of . . . something. In bewilderment he stared down at the reddish fur and pointed ears. One of them flicked. Then the thing began to stand up. Zack could only wrap his arms around the furry neck and his legs around the waist in shock and horror. Not knowing what this was, how would he know it would be safe to get down? It might lunge to attack.

"And me without my sword," he bemoaned.

Then his eyes could only widen in shock. At its full height, the creature seemed to be taller than Seph. And it was definitely spooked. Suddenly it bolted. But instead of running, it was . . . bouncing? The wilderness flew past as it continued its frantic flight. And Zack was clutching at it for dear life.

"HELP!" he screamed. "Stop this thing, I wanna get off!"

He could have sworn he heard Azazel laughing at him. Or maybe that was Gunju.

Desperately gripping the fur with one hand, he dug into his pocket for his phone with the other hand. It was not easy to dial while being bounced up and down, but somehow he managed. Listening to it ring was agonizing.

"SEPH!" he yelled as soon as the phone was answered. "Where are you?!"

Sephiroth held the phone away from his ear, wincing. "I'm trying to find where Dalton went," he said, when it was safe to return the phone to his ear. "What's wrong?"

"I'm boinging up and down on this weird thing!"

"A thing," Sephiroth repeated.

"Yeah!" Zack exclaimed. "I could try to get off, but there's no telling what it might do to me if I do!"

"Then it's alive?" Sephiroth asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Of course it's alive!" Zack retorted. "It must be something that's only on Earth and not Gaia! I tumbled out of the helicopter and fell on it!"

Sephiroth grunted. "Alright. Keep bouncing. I'll be right there." And with that he hung up.

Undoubtedly that was the strangest phone call he had ever received. And it was only fitting that a strange sight should meet his eyes when he arrived at the location, which was by now a good distance from the currently downed helicopter.

Zack had either dared to jump or had fallen off. Now he was sprawled on the ground, staring in horror at his would-be assailant as it bounced up and down in front of him.

Sephiroth could not help but smirk. Zack was gawking at a red kangaroo.