Primal, written 08-04-08

Hints of 5x3 slash

To Gojyo, Sanzo does not seem Buddhist, or even particularly human. He's primal, something ancient and ruthless and conquering, that destroys whatever is in its path out of a savage selfishness. Nature is not kind, or merciful. Nature takes what it wants, regardless of what bars its path, and in a way, that is also what Sanzo does.

Sanzo is hedonism, all earthy, physical pleasure and the satiation of desire. He does not deny himself, whether it is wine or sex. Incense and cigarette smoke seem as one to him, each as holy as the other. Just like nature, he seeks his own gratification before all else, even if he has to fight for it. He will have what he wants, as ferociously indomitable as a typhoon. Yet even as Sanzo finds his own amusements, it strikes Gojyo that he almost seems to be worshipping some old god, completing the primeval mantra. Some deity of lust and need and wild stern cruelty, with virtue on the altar, almost entirely untameable. On some days, it seems that only Kanzeon Bosatsu could ever command him.

Sanzo can be beautiful as the desert, lovely in a bleak, hard way, yet forbidding as stone. Hair like molten gold, and eyes the purple of lavender, with pale legs that seem to reach on forever under that tangled robe, but Gojyo does not dare to imagine that this is in any way a fragile body.

Yet like nature, in all its mocking capriciousness, Sanzo occasionally shows those flashes of sunshine that make Gojyo want to kneel, that inspire Hakkai and Goku to follow him, because like all holy men, he can be absolutely magnetic. It's as if he exerts a gravity as powerful as the sun, drawing all around him in mute helplessness. And for just a moment, Gojyo can understand what calls those monks on, because once one penetrates the mist of cigarette smoke, the casual brutality, the hedonism, the monstrous temper…it's like looking as some primal saint, harsh and demanding and utterly mesmerising.