Three blocks from Nigma's apartment, the Joker strolled down an alleyway, whistling cheerfully to himself while Harley slouched behind, dragging the suitcase wearily along the pavement. All in all, he'd had a rather splendid couple of days. Lots of fun to be had. Ah, his pals, they were a jolly lot!
Or were they?
He frowned, suddenly perturbed. Actually, none of them had seemed to have much to say in the way of laughter.
Sure, they were supposed to get upset, that's what made him laugh. But then after they got upset, they were supposed to see the funny side and have a laugh themselves! Why didn't any of them GET IT! It was all in good fun! God, what a drab, droll and serious lot! It defied belief, really! However did they pass the days, always so somber, without a smile to light their gloom!
He began to feel really very annoyed with all of them. Stupid, insufferable fools! Ingratitude, that's what it was! He was doing his UTMOST to crack a few smiles and they all remained clueless. How dare they! Didn't they know how lucky they were! They were as bad as the Bat! No, worse! The Bat was supposed to take things seriously, that was his purpose. But these losers - UGH.
He was working himself further and further into a rage and barely noticed when Harley suddenly threw the suitcase down on the pavement and began to stride off in the other direction. He turned to ask her where the justice was, him having to share ranks with all these cretins, and saw her storming off down the street.
"Hey! Where the hell are you going?" He demanded.
She turned around without pausing in her stride, shouting back at him furiously, "I'm going to find a hotel! I'm going to stay there, have a shower, get a decent night's sleep, and then go home!"
Joker gaped at her indignantly. "What about me?"
Harley had turned back around, continuing her flounce. "Try Club Med!" She threw back over her shoulder.
What? Harley? Having a joke at his expense? He ran after her and grabbed her by one arm.
"Hey there, little girl," he snarled, "don't you get cheeky with me."
She poked her tongue out at him and he made a grab for it, but she ducked out of his way and stood there glaring at him, her fists clenched.
"You got all our friends cranky at us, destroyed half their things, and got me into all sorts of trouble! I'm sticky and sweaty and I smell and you just keep guzzling down that fear toxin so you don't need to sleep, without a thought for ME and how tired I might be! You're as helpless as a little boy without me to keep you together and you don't even show any appreciation! Well, listen to this buster, I'm not gonna take it anymore! I'm gonna find a place to hole up and what you do is your business! But you can leave me outta it!" She finished the last words in a shriek, stomped her foot and whirled away from him again.
He stared after her with a slack jaw before darting to catch her up, yanking her hard by one liliripes. "This is my fault?" He demanded. "You're the one who had the bright idea of getting the place fumigated so we couldn't stay there! It was you who made the suggestion to go and stay with our 'friends' - and that's another thing - they're YOUR friends, not MY friends. You KNEW that they would just seek to stifle my creative spirit, that their negative environments would bore and depress me! I was just trying to lighten the atmosphere, and do I get any thanks? No! Well, Harley-girl, you can toddle off and find your dirty dingy little hotel room and ride the vibrating bed!" He spat and Harley shrieked in outrage. "I meanwhile am going to the Iceberg Lounge to party on with Raven and a bottle of Cristal. I've had enough of dizzy blondes to last me a lifetime! What do you think of that, huh?"
Harley bristled furiously, shaking her shoulders back and forth in her best expression of outrage before yelling back: "Do what you like! See if I care! She's a natural blonde anyway ya big bozo!"
"Ungrateful wench!" He spat back.
Joker had by now wrapped his hands around Harley's throat who gagged then laid a well aimed kick between Joker's legs. Joker's eyes bulged and he yelped in pain and then leapt backwards releasing her. She jumped onto him, knocking him to the ground, but he threw up his body weight and rolled her over beneath him. She started to strangle him while he rained blows down on her head, both of them snarling and growling at each other with crazed expressions.
Suddenly a beeping sound came from the suitcase, discarded a few feet away and they both paused and stared at it. Any beeping sound that came from a suitcase of theirs was a cause for alarm.
But after a second Harley relaxed and her expression lit up. "Yay!" she cried.
"Yay?" Joker repeated and looked puzzlingly at her.
"Time's up! We can go home! Oh yay! Yay!" And she wrapped her arms around Joker's neck and kissed him soundly. "The Exterminator has finished! We can go to our home and sleep in our own bed and shower in our own shower!"
Joker bounded to his feet, punching both arms up the sky. "Huzzah!" he crowed then gallantly held out a hand and helped his girl to her feet then scooped her up and twirled her around while she squealed in delight.
Arms looped about the other's waist, they sauntered down the alleyway, Joker stooping to retrieve the suitcase as they passed.
"Better find ourselves some wheels," he said cheerily and his moll made a noise of agreement, leaning into him and nuzzling at his coat. He glanced down at her with a grin, before dropping a hand to squeeze her bottom.
"Say Harl, you packed the whoopee cushion right on top, right?"
Enormous thanks go out to my fabulous beta, Gladrial, who really helped and supported me a lot through this fic. Hopefully it's helped me shake out my funny bone a little!
Hope you all enjoyed that! It was fun to write!