by Famira Damaris
Disclaimer: Feh, don't own Gundam. Wish I did...I'd be able to
glomp onto Bernie, Bright, Loran and Camille! *huggles a group of plushees*
Author's Notes: Fifth installation of this little odd series. Anywaays.... Shounen-ai, shojo-ai and other stuff running amuck. This is really just random stupidity, so...er...yeah. Kinda changed/cut some parts (for example, Mirai is in a scene Frau is supposed to be in, and I glossed over the scene with Frau and her mom dying – mostly because I forgot about it. xX;). *The shot part makes sense if you saw a little article in Newtype with Yoshikazu Yasuhiko about a "fan-service" picture. It was so hilarious. XD
Amuro starts whining, unplanned panty shots*, Kai's entrance, and the Joes meet their demise…
And to the tribute part, to the writer that
inspired me: thanks.
Italics for emphasis and sound-effects
It's Called a Bad Title
So chaos was breaking out and stuff on this particular Colony. Zakus were running around and blowing up stuff while the residents were finally bowled over by their immense surprise, which ran something like this:
"Damn, I could really go for some coffee, honey."
"Coffee? Black or what?"
"..Uh…let's see…how about something new? Something with a zap. Something like…well, like those rather dangerous looking giant robots walking outside." It was around this time that the speaker would finally realize that there was something very wrong with the picture, and, torn between being astonished and angry, would break into a panic, which resulted in either running into a wall or trying to burrow his nose into a newspaper and hope that if he couldn't see the Zakus, they would go away.
Which, of course, they didn't. But it's really beside the point what the majority of the colony was doing at the moment.
At this time, Amuro Ray and Frau Bo had beaten a "dignified" retreat (actually, Amuro had crashed his dinky car into a parked truck and they'd been forced to walk) to the nearest shelter (a local wine cellar) and were now busy getting very tipsy and happy on their newfound stash. Of course, this was screwing up the pacing of the anime horribly, but the two teenagers were too drunk to notice at the moment. Amuro giggled as he finished his second bottle.
"Y'know…" he slurred incoherently. "I keep getting' this feelin' that shomeone's….shomeone's…"
…Not pleased with you geniuses screwing up my story?
"Yeah, shomethin' like that," Amuro agreed with a nod, grinning from ear-to-ear. After a pause, he politely offered the narrator some wine. The said narrator kindly refused. Frau cackled for no apparent reason and began trying to climb up the wall, for some reason believing that she was Spider-man. It was a pretty sad sight, although the male part of the audience certainly wasn't complaining – they were getting all sorts of interesting panty shots after all. Which, as it was, had no bearing whatsoever on the story. In fact, it was rather distracting.
First off, I don't like my characters getting drunk. Bad example for the children and all that crap – Frau! Jesus, I hope no kids just saw that….Secondly, I just made this promise to Bright that I'd get you from here to him. Since you're taking your damn sweet time, Amuro, I'm going to have to interfere with this whole arc of the story.
"You're gonna –"
Damn straight. The godly powers the narrator came to play and Amuro and Frau suddenly found themselves sitting in a shelter (a real one this time), both nursing a considerable hang-over as punishment. Amuro hissed, holding his head. His first reaction was to angst: but that meant he'd have to do it in a corner and be quiet about it. That only left the whining. And whine he did.
"This can't be fai –" He broke off. Damn. No one was listening to him. In fact, it was far too loud to be heard. And no one was going to deny his right to Whine. You couldn't even bitch properly if there wasn't any one able to hear you. Fortunately, the script had a solution.
Here. Read these lines.
Amuro turned to the page of the current scene and read stiffly, "'I Got To Go, Frau. Dad's Gotta Do Something About This.'" Glancing about for a man fitting the description in the script, Amuro added, still reading off the paper. "'We'll All Die If We Stay Here.'"
…That sucked. Horribly. -_-;* Just…just go.
Our "hero" pranced out of the shelter and ran off down the road, looking for someone to bitch at. By the same string of coincidences that had been bringing our story together up to this point, he was running a straight line toward his father – who had suddenly found himself standing next to the Top Secret Robot and wondering what happened to his discounted coffee he'd been drinking. Bright, at this very moment, was breathing a sigh of relief, glad he'd gotten rid of the old coot.
So while people were running into walls and Amuro was looking for a victim, other characters were joining in. Because the Pegasus-class-Trojan-Horse -Known-As-White-Base-That-Is-Made-of-Metal-and-Not-Wood had docked, some people got the "brilliant" idea to let all the angry Side 7 citizens pile onboard. Appearing out of the masses was Mirai Yashima and Sayla Mass. Sayla had "mysterious" origins. Mirai herself was surprisingly normal. They were helping the irate civilians onboard.
At the moment, though, they were busy sharing meaningful looks.
Before they got any further, several other characters joined in. Ryu made his appearance, swaggering and looking impressive and all. Shooting disappointed glances that held all sorts of suggestive subtext at one another, Mirai and Sayla did the Stuff They Were Supposed to Do. Sayla was wondering if she'd be there for an obligatory panty shot. Mirai was wondering if Sayla would treat her to dinner. In walked Kai Shidan.
Now Kai was just a plain Nice Guy. He helped elderly women across the street, housed the homeless, even picked up litter. But for some unexplained reason, everyone seemed to avoid him. Maybe it was because he just looked shady. Or maybe there was something on his face that he wasn't aware of. He really wished someone would tell him – all he wanted to do was help people. Beaming in a way he thought friendly, he waved:
"Hi, I'm Ka –"
Before he knew it, Sayla, for no reason whatsoever, had slapped him.
"You're so selfish!" She glared. And glared again if he didn't catch it the first time.
Kai cowered. He had caught it the first time. "I-I was only saying hi." ;_;
"Don't make faces at me!" Sayla's eyes narrowed dangerously.
Kai tried again. "I wasn't –"
"Don't even bothering arguing," Ryu clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Sayla, why don't you and Mirai go out and look for survivors?"
Mirai nodded. Sayla winked at Mirai. Kai wondered what he'd done to deserve this unwarranted abuse. Mirai caught the wink and returned it with a secret little smile that everyone pretty much saw. Ryu nodded sagely, as if he had planned the whole thing. Kai, starting to perceive all the yuri undertones, wondered if he should be suffering a nosebleed or not.
He wasn't the only one. e_e
By this time, Amuro had stumbled upon the Top Secret Giant Robot. By another freakish stroke of luck, the manual came into his possession – but it wasn't filled with pretty pictures, so he ignored it. He had more important things to be doing – stomping up to his father, he proceeded to unleash the full-potential of his Whine. Bitching first, giant ass-kicking robots later.
Tem Ray blinked, clueless, at his son. "Where's my coffee?"
" – and I've got a hang-over the size of Luna II, all because –"
"But I paid fifty cents for it…I got a discount."
Amuro started to tear at the eyes. Why wasn't his father listening to him? Amuro was so unloved, it wasn't fair. None of this was fair, why was he even in the story if no one cared? His father was rambling about weather now, still trying to locate his lost Styrofoam cup of coffee. At that very moment, Amuro suddenly suffered a change from angsty to just plain irritated. Enough with the coffee! And who the hell cared about the weather? There had to be a way to shut Tem up.
His eyes, drifting about, landed on the Top Secret Giant Robot. Wait a minute - he did have the manual…and it wouldn't take long for him to figure out the controls to dropkick the old man out of sight…
Arriving at this precise and inappropriate moment, the trio of Zakus trampled in. Joe 02 was the first to make his entrance, nearly tripping again – this time over a parked bus – with the commander and Joe 01 following. Disgruntled, they stomped right past the Top Secret Robot as Tem and Amuro ogled.
"Where the hell is it?" Joe 01 whined.
Joe 02 was in a panic now, looking frantically about for anyone resembling a mime armed with explosive mechanical pencils.
Amuro sucked in an offended breath – the whole conversation had been broadcast, completely audible to the outside, and he'd heard Joe 01. His eyes were clouding over with red (in angst-shades of course). No one. That is, no one, out-whines Amuro. A rival needed to be seen to and disposed of.
Forgetting about dropkicking Tem, Amuro hoped into the Top Secret Giant Robot known now as Gundam. Cue the action sequences. Surprisingly, Amuro kicked ass pretty quickly: mostly because his pride had been insulted. The Joes, of course, met their doom while the audience wore a blood-thirsty grin the whole time.
Whoosh, went Gundam
Ow, said the commander's Zaku and promptly blew up.
Sucks to be him, said the remaining Zaku, finally noticing the beam saber slicing through it. Aw, damn. Sucks to be me, it went and blew up too.
Joe 02's fears of explosions proved to be right. Tem Ray, during the fighting, fell into a Plot-hole and stayed there, still quite befuddled with the whole deal. It didn't improve his situation due to the fact he finally remembered he left his coffee with that Bright kid. Mirai and Sayla vanished off, only to reappear on White Base/Trojan Horse/Wooden Horse/Thing with matching smug expressions. Kai hid in his room, afraid that if he came out he'd get slapped again. Ryu wondered if there were planes to fly around in. And Amuro, picking up Frau with Gundam, finally got to whine to someone.
Basically, the story was finally getting somewhere.
Game Over or Continue?
Damn, I haven't updated in forever. Kinda short and crappy "chapter". ^^; Sorry for ignoring this so long. I got so distracted with other things (and I finally got into oekakis, so if you want to see some of my Gundam ones, e-mail me). I wanna do "Tributes" for other series, dammit! XD Anyway, feedback is appreciated – sucks? Decent? That sort of thing. ^^; As a plug – if you've seen Turn A Gundam, check out my one-shot Sochie Heim fic By a Moon's Light. I know a lot of things got changed for It's a Tribute – mostly because I didn't feel like watching the episodes again and decided to try to do this from memory. ^^;
Comments, suggestions, flames, feel free to e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org or AIM me at S Duo Maxwell 02. Anyway, thanks for reading this completely random and bizarre "twist" of Mobile Suit Gundam.
- Famira Damaris