Hi everyone! It's me again!
I got the idea for this oneshot after my best friend sent me the most hilarious chain letter in my email. So, here it is!
Pairings are as follows: Ike/Peach, Link/Samus, Snake/Samus, Pit/Peach, Marth/Zelda, Mario/Peach, Link/Peach, Capt. Falcon/Samus, Pit/Samus, and Link/Zelda (Yeah, you read it right! I'm giving in and doing a Zelink!)
Hope you like!
P.S. Smash Manor, Star, and Darkholm and the fic are MINE!!
Women Always Win When It Comes To Marraige
By Midnight Crystal Sage
Understanding Women: Ike x Peach
Ike was sitting with Snake in the living room of Smash Manor as they conversed about their wives.
"You know something, Snake?" the swordsman asked.
"No, what?" the spy asked gruffly.
"Despite the fact that I'm married to Peach, I know that I'm not going to understand women…" he said in a defeated tone.
"Why do you say that?" Snake questioned in the same gruff voice.
"Well…" Ike picked through his thoughts, "…For example: I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it on your leg, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider…"
Creation: Link x Samus
"You know, Link, you're really pissing me off right now!" Samus snapped at her husband.
"Why? Because I spilt a little bit of soda on your Power Suit?!" Link asked in his defense.
"Yes! You ruined my brand new Suit! Do you know how much that thing cost me?!"
He scoffed and retorted, "Do I look like I give a rat's furry rear-end?"
She answered back, "I don't care if you give a pig's rear end; you're just really irritating today…"
The Hylian pretty much had heard enough, "Oh, for the love of God, I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time!"
The bounty huntress glared daggers at him, "Then, allow me to explain: God made me beautiful so that you would be attracted to me. God made me stupid so that I would be attracted to you." Having had the last say on the issue, Samus calmly walked out of the bedroom, leaving Link in a state of mixed shock and anger.
Cigarettes and Tampons: Snake x Samus
Snake walked into the pharmacy and wandered up and down the aisles for a few minutes.
Zelda, who was working there, saw the wayward mercenary and walked up to him, "Hello, Snake. Is there something you're looking for?"
Snake answered, "Oh, hi, Zelda. Actually, I'm looking for a box of tampons for Samus."
"Okay. Follow me," Zelda led him two aisles over to the feminine hygiene aisle, then went back to her register.
Snake placed a huge bag of cotton balls and a big ball of string on the counter. A confused Zelda raised an eyebrow, "Uh, Snake, I thought you were looking for tampons for Samus?"
The spy simply answered, "Yeeeah… You see, it's like this: Yesterday, I sent Samus to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rollpapers… 'cause it's soooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll up my own cigarettes, she'll have to roll up her own tampons."
All Zelda could do was blink as she rung up the items, 'Samus is going to castrate him ten times over…'
Words: Pit x Peach
Early one morning, Pit was reading an article in the newspaper as Peach brewed some coffee in the kitchen.
"Interesting… According to this article, women use 30,000 words a day while men only use 15,000…" he read out aloud.
"Hmm…" Peach poured herself a cup of the fresh-brewed Joe and leaned against the counter, "The reason has to be because we women always have to repeat everything to you men…"
Pit lowered the paper and looked at his wife, "What'd you say, honey?"
The princess cast him an annoyed sideways glance, "…Nevermind."
Woman's Revenge: Marth x Zelda
"Hey, Zelda," Pit said as the princess came up to the check-out register.
"Hello, Pit." She placed a box of cereal, a bottle of hot sauce, and a jar of milk on the counter.
The angel rung up the three items and gave her the total, "6.32. Cash, check, or charge?"
"I think I'll charge it today…"
As Zelda fumbled for her wallet, the angelic cashier noticed a remote control to a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your T.V. remote with you?" he asked curiously.
"No," she simply replied, pulling out her pink wallet and sifting through it, "but Marth refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally." She produced her purple MasterCard and handed it to a now horrified Pit, "Here you go."
Woman's Perfect Breakfast: Mario x Peach
Peach was having the perfect morning. She was sitting at her table with her gourmet Peach Tea.
Her son, Darkholm, was on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter, Star, was on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriends, Link, Ike, and Pit, were on the cover of PlayGirl.
And her husband, Mario, was on the back of the milk carton.
Marriage Seminar: Link x Peach
While attending a Marriage Seminar that was dealing with communication, Link and his wife, Peach, listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He then addressed Link: "Sir, can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Link leaned over, gently nudged Peach's arm, and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?"
The instructor sweatdropped and slapped a hand to his forehead in shame as Peach crossed her arms and glared at Link.
Wife vs. Husband: Capt. Falcon x Samus
Capt. Falcon and Samus drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word to each other.
An earlier discussion had inevitably led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard full of mules, goats, and pigs, Falcon sarcastically asked, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," Samus replied, "In-laws."
Who Does What?: Pit x Samus
Pit and Samus were having a disagreement about who should brew the coffee each morning.
Samus said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
But Pit argued, "You're in charge of cooking around here. You should do it because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
The bounty huntress glared at him, "No, you should do it, and besides, it's in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
The angel scoffed as he crossed his arms, "I don't believe that. You'll have to show me proof."
Samus simply shrugged, "Okay." So, she fetched the Bible, opened the New Testament, and showed Pit at the top of several pages that it indeed said…
The Silent Treatment: Link x Zelda
Link and Zelda were having some problems at home, and they were giving each other The Silent Treatment.
Suddenly, Link realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him up at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper: 'Please wake me up at 5:00 AM.' He left it where he knew she would find it.
:The next morning:
Link woke up only to discover that it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why Zelda hadn't woken him up when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
It said: 'It's 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
-Men are not equipped for those kinds of contests.
-God may have created man before woman, but there are always rough drafts before the masterpieces.
-No matter how hard men try, women always win.
Unfortunately, I can totally relate to Words. XD
You know what to do now! Thanks!
-Midnight Crystal Sage