P R O L O G U E:
As it was her habit, Tokimi had taken the time to check upon the Masaki household. Her undying curiosity about these inhabitants, which her sisters Washu and Tsunami had chosen to dwell with, and her fascination with the naiesant powers of the young Tenchi, had caused her to pause in her plans. Plans known only to HER.
As she watched, a fascinating turn of events had presented themselves to her...
A Carrot Patch, A Clean House & A Burglar", Pt. 1
"Tenchi Muyo!" Fan Fiction
Written By Elwin "Blaine" Coldiron
'Tenchi Muyo!' and characters were created by Hiroki Hayashi and Masaki Kajishima and are the property of AIC and Geneon Entertainment. I do not own the series, nor the characters. I just write the fiction. The burglar is my creation.
NOTE: This fic is based on the OVA continuity, sometime after episode 13. Any resemblance to the upcoming third OVA is purely coincidental.
"Need any help, Ryo-Ohki?" Tenchi Masaki asked.
Ryo-Ohki shook her head and answered, "Meow!" She was in her "little girl" form as she tended the quite sizeable carrot patch that she was weeding.
Tenchi responded, "That's nice. Let me know if you change your mind." Tenchi then walked off to then the rest of the vegetable garden, which were mostly carrots.
Ryo-Ohki paused to try to wipe sweat off her furry brow (she thought that she really needed a hat for this kind of work), and marveled at her handiwork. It was several months ago, when the rest of the family garden was being planted, that Tenchi suggested that Ryo-Ohki might like to cultivate a small garden of her own. Ryo-Ohki jumped on that thought, figuratively, and literally. They found a small, unused parcel of land, with plenty of sun and good drainage.
The only drawback to this parcel of land was that there was a rather large stump where an old tree used to stand. Removing this stump would have to involved getting some equipment that they couldn't afford at that moment, thanks to the huge sake bill Ryoko Hakubi had racked up, and they didn't want to bother Washu Hakubi. So the land where the stump resided wasn't used for planting. Tenchi did have to clear out the ground of weeds and rocks, and he did prepared the ground for planting with compost and peat moss. But the planting, watering, and care were all Ryo-Ohki's. And pretty soon, it will time to harvest the carrots.
It took her just a little restraint to keep her from literally diving in and devouring her handiwork too soon. No, she had to wait. But just the thought of those juicy carrots that she had worked to make possible was enough to make Ryo-Ohki's mouth water.
What distracted her thoughts was Tenchi suddenly exclaiming, "Oh-oh! I'd better get to the shrine."
Ryo-Ohki then asked "Mrow?"
Tenchi then answered, "Oh, you didn't know? I promised Grandpa that I'd watch the shrine while he's visiting some friends in Osaka. Dad has to stay in Tokyo overnight working on a huge project, so I gotta keep an eye on the shrine until Grandpa gets back."
Satisfied with the answer, Ryo-Ohki meowed and nodded her agreement.
Suddenly, Tenchi felt the grip of small, invisible fingers at his chest. Although he knew what was causing it, it still gave him quite a start. "RYOKO!? WILL YOU CUT THAT OUT!? I GOT IMPORTANT STUFF TO DO RIGHT NOW!!"
Just then, Ryoko appeared, clutching Tenchi around his chest. "Aw Tenchi," she purred, "I just wondered if you'd come have a bath with me. I could really use the company."
Tenchi then turned around to face Ryoko. What he saw shocked him. Ryoko looked somewhat exhausted. Her clothes looked dirty, her cyan colored hair was frazzled, and her hands were chapped and wrinkled. Even more odd, Ryoko smelled like bleach and detergent (she usually smelled like old sake). "Ryoko," Tenchi ventured, "are you alright? You looked as if you just cleaned a house or something?"
She answered, "Well, believe it or not, Tenchi, I did clean the entire house today. So I thought that you might join me for a bath after you are through with your chores."
Tenchi just stood there, his mouth gaping and his eyes bugged out in amazement. Ryoko...CLEANING!? To have her doing ANY housework chores was in itself a miracle! When he recovered enough to speak, Tenchi exclaimed, "CLEANING!? We're just lucky we have you doing ANYTHING around the house!!" He then eyed her suspiciously and asked, "You didn't bump into any of Washu's experiments or something and get your brains scrambled?"
Ryoko looked shocked and said, "Huh? What do I look like? Mihoshi? Besides, I just wanted to show you I can be a better choice for you than Ayeka." She also thought to herself, 'Yeah, and maybe give that snotty princess a conniption from the shock.'
Tenchi then moved in the direction of the house and said, "Well, I'll believe it when I see it. I gotta go home to change anyway. Don't go getting any ideas, Ryoko. I'm going to the shrine, that's all!"
Ryoko just groaned her disappointment, floated over to Tenchi and whined, "Oh, what's it going to take for you to except the fact that we meant for each other?"
Tenchi answered quite sarcastically, "A lot!!"
After Tenchi was out of earshot, Ryoko muttered, "Okay Tenchi, so I'll do a lot." She then turned to Ryo-Ohki and looked at her carrot patch. "Heeeeey!" she began, "looks like harvest time will be coming very soon, Ryo-Ohki. You did a good job."
To which Ryo-Ohki nodded and answered, "Meow, meow!"
"Any chance that I might sample some of those carrots?" Ryoko asked.
The cabbit girl just gave her a dirty look, as if to say, 'Why? You didn't do anything to help me?'
Ryoko looked chagrined at this. Floating off to the onsen, she grumbled, "Hope you find a carrot with a big, woody pith."
Ryo-Ohki paid little attention to her mistress' grousing and proceeded to pick up the garden tools and to get the hose to water the carrots. Normally, when Ryo-Ohki did garden work, Sasami would find some time from her house chores to help her out. But on this day, she accompanied Ayeka and Mihoshi to the village to do some grocery shopping.
Tenchi was surprised. Considering how lazy Ryoko was, he was expecting a half-completed job when it came to the housework. But when he came in to change out of his sweaty clothes, he found a shiny and clean house. He even checked under the rugs to see if Ryoko had swept the dirt under them. There wasn't any.
'Boy,' Tenchi thought, 'Ryoko did go out of her way to do this. Maybe I was a little hard on her today.' He did have an afterthought to check on Washu in her lab, but he quickly dismissed that thought in the event that she might find an excuse to get that 'last sample' she wanted from Tenchi. So he quickly went to his room, changed into his clean clothes, and headed to the shrine, making sure that the door was locked because he knew Ryo-Ohki had a key.
What he DIDN'T know at the time was, as he was ascending the long steps to the shrine, a pair of strange eyes were watching his every move.
Earlier that morning, a rather shabby individual had driven his dump of a car passed the gate that entered the Masaki home (which was diligently guarded by Azaka and Kamidake), and parked on the far end of the property under a clump of bushes. There, this individual crept inside the bushes and waited until he knew that the house was empty. He heard that an architect lived at this house and reasoned that this guy may have a lot of expensive stuff and cash lying around. Of course, this guy didn't know that, as well as the architect, his son and his father-in-law, five extremely powerful extraterrestrial women also lived at this place, and the money flow wasn't very consistent (Much of the money went to repairing the house after Ryoko and Ayeka's fights).
He avoided the dock that led to the house directly and took the long way along the shore of the lake, to the back door. He did stop and looked at the onsen floating in the air, which gave him pause to question what kind of people lived here. Dismissing the sight as a hallucination from the previous night's drinking binge and shrugging his shoulders, he proceeded to the back door. However, the door looked too solid to jimmy open. Being a typical burglar, he didn't like to work at anything that would delay his getting in quickly and getting his work done in the same manner. And he didn't like working out in the open, but the front door looked the easiest to get open. So he carefully maneuvered himself to the front door and pitifully tried to blend in with the porch.
At that moment, Ryo-Ohki was walking down the path from the garden that led to the back shed when she saw something moving from the back door to the front. Quickly and quietly, she set down the tools away from the footpath and transformed into her animal form, which offered better speed and stealth, and scampered to the edge of the front porch to get a better view. It was there that she saw the burglar get out a tire iron to try to pry open the front door. Ryo-Ohki then moved herself under the steps of the deck, closed her eyes and concentrated.
Somehow, Ryoko felt that it doesn't get any better that this. She was lying in the warm pool in the onsen, sake bottle immersed in a floating cradle to heat it gently. Yes sir, after a hard day cleaning the house, a nice soak in the bath was the just the thing. And somehow, all that hard work made this indulgence even better. Sharing this bath with Tenchi would've made it even more. 'I guess that a bath does fell better when you earn it.' Ryoko thought to herself. 'Hope this doesn't turn into a habit. I might just enjoy it.' After indulging in half the bottle of sake, she closed her eyes and relaxed in the warmth of the water.
Suddenly, Ryoko's eyes snapped open and she stood up as though she heard something. "Oh great," she grumbled, "that's all this place needs, unwanted company!"
The burglar was having a tougher time opening the door than he thought. The door looked flimsy enough, but unknown to him, a month earlier the door was damaged in one of those 'legendary' battles for Tenchi's affection. In repairing the door, Washu had used much stronger materials in the door and the frame, and now that foresight was complicating the scoundrel's efforts. It would've been much easier to break a window and enter, but he remembered the last time he did that.
It was in Tokyo two months ago which he found a modest, yet pricy-looking apartment, in which did break the window. He thought that the place was empty. It turned out not only it wasn't, but it was the home of a police officer who made a rare visit home for lunch. He barely got away from that one.
"Damn!" the cad grumbled, "How the hell am I going to get this open?"
"Why not break the lock?" a female voice piped up from behind him.
"Tried that, but the lock's too... WHAAAAA!?" The burglar spun around, tire iron in hand waiting to brain the source of that voice. However, he didn't see anything but an open dock. A drop of sweat appeared on the back of the crook's head. "I gotta stop drinking that cheap sake," the burglar muttered to himself, "I'm beginning to hear things!" He then turned back to his work.
"Oh, I think the cheap version's okay." It was that same voice. "Depends on where you get it."
Now the burglar was starting to sweat. Where was that voice coming from? "Who said that?" he demanded.
"Up here, dummy!" came the voice.
Doubting his sanity, the burglar looked up -- and up. And what he saw almost made him drop his tire iron. Floating in the air was possible the most beautiful girl he ever saw. Long, spiky cyan hair, golden cat's eyes, ears that seemed too big for its owner, and curves that just wouldn't quit. She was dressed in what appeared to be a red and black leotard. He would've had a chance to ask her out if he didn't noticed that she was floating. He also saw that those golden eyes looked very angry.
"If there is one thing I can't stand," Ryoko finally began, "is some amateur like you trying to break into my home. Look buddy, I'll give you a chance. Either you pack up that toy and go back the way you came and keep quiet about it or stay and I'll gladly rip you a new one. Your choice, stupid."
Showing the great universal truth that petty criminals have no brains whatsoever, the burglar grabbed the tire iron, gripped it like he was Ichiro Suzuki coming to bat and said, "COME AND MAKE ME, SISTER!" What he didn't expect was this sinister grin that came over Ryoko's face when he made his challenge.
"Oooooo, think you're a tough guy, eh?" she purred as a ball of energy formed in her hand, "okay…EAT THIS!" She wound up and threw the ball at the burglar. She was hoping to mentally curve the ball of energy into the lake at the last moment, mostly to scare the creep out of his wits. What she didn't expect that this goofball had wildly swung at the ball and hit it away from him.
From her vantage point, Ryo-Ohki had watch all this action and watched as the errant energy ball sped in the direction near the hills. What she saw caused her to cringe inwardly. The energy ball sped off, impacted and detonated in the general direction of... HER CARROT GARDEN!! Her eyes teared up at the thought of all that hard work... all those carrots... BLASTED TO BITS! It was almost too much for her to bear.
Tenchi was sweeping the grounds of the temple while this was going on. There wasn't that much ground clutter around, so cleaning up wasn't that hard. He was getting ready to clean up the shrine office when he heard the explosion near the gardens. Considering what has happened in his life this past year, he raced towards the gardens, Tenchi-ken in hand, to investigate the explosion.
Ryoko saw this and her gut churned inwardly. "Damn," she cursed under her breath, "Ryo-Ohki's going to be really mad with me now!" She then charged her energy sword and sped towards the burglar, screaming her battle cry. The burglar swung to parry the attack, only to get his tire iron sliced in two, the wrench half of the tire iron spinning upwards into the air.
"HAH!" Ryoko crowed in triumph, "Now what are you gonna..."
The sliced half of tire iron had dropped squarely on her head. Ryoko immediately fell onto the dockway, everything spinning and difficult to focus. Part of this difficulty was the fact that she had consumed a half bottle of sake. She was also drooling quite a bit. This was the perfect opportunity for the burglar to get away. He thought he could push her off the dock and into the lake, then make for the front gate. Then he made another dumb decision. Maybe he could get away with just one little kiss and then...
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" the burglar was screaming in pain as something was apparently biting his hand. He then saw that a brown and furry... rabbit thing... who had its teeth firmly clenched on the outside of his left hand.
Ryo-Ohki was mad. This intruder had, in a single instant, ruined months of hard work with that clumsy swing of a tire iron and now she was going to make him pay for his actions. The burglar, for his part, was dancing a lively jig that was meant to remove the critter from his hand. He then had the bright idea to use the remaining end of his tire iron to knock the varmint off him, which he accomplished with great effect.
Ryo-Ohki made a couple bounces off the deck as a well-placed klunk with the tool had caused her to release her grip. She sat there dazed as the now-angry sneak thief looked on.
"THIS'LL TEACH YOU TO TAKE A PIECE OUTTA ME, YOU LITTLE FURBALL!!" the burglar growled as he lifted a foot above Ryo-Ohki, which he was going to stomp on her for biting him.
It was at that moment that Ryoko, still groggy from her hit in the head, saw what was transpiring. Too unsteady to fire off a beam, she did the next best thing in such a situation... she mentally screamed, 'RYO-OHKI!! CHANGE NOW!!'
The next thing the burglar knew, the furry varmint that he was going to squash to death had exploded into... something... and knocked him backwards off the dock and into the lake. He had somehow dragged himself out of the water and to the shore next to the house. He was busy coughing and trying to get the water out of his lungs when he heard a sound: "MRRROOOOOWWWWW!" He turned in the direction of the sound, and what he saw made him empty out his bladder. A giant ship of some sort was hovering in the air in front of the dock. And this craft was making sounds.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" This was definitely worse that that cop's place.
TO BE CONTINUED…
AUTHOR'S NOTE – "The Carrot Patch Saga" has a special meaning for me, mostly because it was the very first fanfiction series I had ever written (summer of 2001). Previously, it was posted on the Tenchi Muyo! Fan Fiction Archive, but since the site is currently down (until the owner can find a new webhost), I decided to go over my treasured series, and with a bit of editing, repost it on . So bear with me as I look over some of my entries. I'll get them posted soon.
Elwin B. Coldiron
FDNY/NYPD-THE REAL HEROES