Blondes, Brunettes, Redheads
Shohoku High School
Basketball Team Locker Room
"My life is so unfair. I could just die right now, and she wouldn't care."
"Hey, that rhymes! Unfair, care, geddit?"
"Shut up, Ryochin. You don't understand the pain this genius has to feel, how much suffering…"
"Don't be daft. So Haruko didn't come today. She's busy. Simple."
"Easy for you. Ayako has to be here all the time."
"Girl trouble, boys?"
"None of your business, Micchy. You don't understand the pain this genius has to fee–"
"You're repeating yourself, 'ahou."
"Butt out, kitsune! What do you know, you're probably gay. All you do is sleep and play basketball when you have a whole brigade of girls dying to date you."
"I'm not gay. Do'ahou."
"Really, Rukawa? 'Cause I kinda figured you were."
"I agree with Mitsui."
Rukawa Kaede glared at his team-mates as they peered at him curiously.
"I'm not gay," Rukawa repeated vehemently.
Mitsui Hisashi snorted a little, then had the decency to look mildly contrite.
"Sorry, sorry … But Sakuragi has a point. You have a hundred and one fangirls screaming your name, disrupting practice, and you don't even look at them. Some of them are pretty hot, too."
"Not to mention his lily-white skin, his kitsune girly face, his skinny body…"
"Do'ahou. I have muscles. Bigger than yours, too."
"It's Sendoh, right?"
Rukawa blinked at Miyagi Ryota. "Um, what?"
"It's Sendoh you're secretly having an affair with. That's why you like playing with him so much!"
"I'm not gay!" Rukawa almost screamed with frustration.
Three pairs of eyes blinked.
"Prove it." "Prove it." "Prove it."
Three voices raised in a chorus.
"How?" Rukawa snapped.
"What type of girl do you like?"
Blink. Blink. Blink. "I don't know."
"See, that's why we think you're g–"
"Say it one more time, and you're dead."
"I like brunettes. Pretty and nice ones. Like Aya-chan," Miyagi interjected dreamily.
"Me, too. But more like Haruko-san. So sweet and kind." Sakuragi had loopy heart eyes.
Mitsui grinned. "I'm up for anything. But redheads, aww man … They just have this fire, you know? And they can do amazing things with their mou–"
"Eww, too much info, Micchy!"
"Yeah man, you're such a pervert."
"Not my fault you guys can't get any," Mitsui drawled.
"So, Rukawa, what kind of girl did you say you liked again?"
"He didn't say, Ryochin. That's because the kitsune prefers boys."
"No, I don't."
"Liar. That's why you joined basketball. So you can share a locker room with all the team members – watch us change, bathe–"
"Ugh, sick. What if he rapes us halfway? I vote him out of the loc–"
"I like blondes, okay?! I like brunettes, I like redheads, I like them all! I just haven't found one I really like yet!"
"Oh, wow. That's the most I've heard him speak."
Three heads nodded vigorously.
"Okay, Rukawa, you've proven that you're not gay. We were just teasing you. Chill."
Rukawa huffed and strode out of the locker room, but before the door swung shut, his sharp ears caught the muffled laughter and the whisper.
"Err, Akagi … I don't think we can have practice today."
"Hmm? Why not, Kogure?"
"It seems the entire starting line-up, excluding you, of course, is injured."
"What? Did those stupid gangsters try to make trouble again?"
"Actually, no. From what I gathered, Sakuragi, Rukawa, Mitsui and Miyagi got into an argument and had a huge brawl…"
"Those idiots. What did they fight over this time?"
"Apparently, they were talking about girls. One thing led to another, and Rukawa felt the need to defend his manhood when they assumed he was gay…"
Akagi Takenori cracks his knuckles.
Kogure Kiminobu adjusts his glasses.
"I thought he was, too."
AN: My first humour fic! HAHA. Poor Rukawa. This is really, really crappy, but I needed some light-hearted stuff after all the angsty nonsense I wrote. Don't like it, fine by me. I never was good at writing funny anyway:)