Note: I've just reread The Majestic Dreamers' story "Essentials to Mary Sue" and A-chan5's story "A Mary Sue

Note: I've just reread The Majestic Dreamers' story "Essentials to Mary Sue" and A-chan5's story "A Mary Sue! Run!" and this popped into my head and demanded to be written… I accepted the wish because… well… it amused me… I hope it will amuse you too.

Warning: Yes, consider yourself warned of the following things: one Mary Sue, one gay (?) Gary Sue, OOC-ness, a Mary Sue Academy, several less-than-sane silver-haired males (all four in fact), JENOVA, high heels, nudity, general insanity, and one extreme (and extremely involuntarily) make-over and an insane author… giggles…

Disclamer: FF7 © Square Enix, Wonderland © Carroll Lewis and/or Disney and/or Square Enix all depending on which Wonderland you refer to… the Sue's in this story is copyrighted to no one, The Respectable Mary Sue Academy in Wonderland belongs to me but feel free to use it to educate your Mary Sues (at least I think no one else has used it... not sure though...)

A couple of Mary Sues

The young woman slowly made her way through the warm humid forest. Her long hair was tied up in a ponytail, but a few strands had escaped and now stuck to her heart-shaped sweaty face no matter how often she tried to blow them away. In the still-standing air flew swarms of bugs. She had vainly hoped that they wouldn't be attracted to her so she wouldn't be forced to use the anti-bug-lotion she had received from her teacher before she left the Academy. Her teacher had warned her that jasmine-scented anti-bug-lotion was extremely rare where she was going. And sure enough, the bug-lotions she had found in the small village had an odour of… Well, it wasn't something that she wanted to apply on her tanned golden skin, no matter how well it would protect her.

"I really hope it will be worth all this." She grumbled under her breath as one of her high-heeled shoes got stuck in the undergrowth and throw her slightly off-balance yet again. She straightened herself quickly and sat down her slim back-pack on the ground. It was time for a short break. A sigh escaped rose-coloured lips as she remade her ponytail in a vain attempt to catch the stray strands…

In reality she had no idea if she would find her new weapon here, or if she had made this journey for nothing. But she figured that as she would be the Heroine to the handsome Hero, and therefore needed a kick-ass weapon, she would stumble over a marvellous weapon sooner or later… She had the same line of reasoning when it came to whoever would be her hero and why she would need the weapon in the first place.

She reached into her figure-flattering coat and pulled out a paper from the respectable Mary Sue Academy in Wonderland. After years and years of studying, training, memorizing of illogical Mary Sue-laws and more training, she had finally graduated and had been given the permission to prey… no, be adored… of the male population of this world: Gaea.

She would not fail; after all, had she not been the top student in her class.

Encouraged by her destiny she continued her merry way to an opening with a small lake in the middle.

And there… resting on a stone that was almost submerged in the water… there was her new weapon.

Sighing as he leaned back, he let the water carry him as the last traces of soap dissolved from his long hair and body. Green eyes opened lazily to view the autumn blue sky above. It was quite relaxing to just float around, undisturbed and relaxed for once in a while.

Breathing in, he turned around and submerged. The lake's surface calmed down and only the things by the water-edge were evidence that someone was hidden in its depth.

When he broke the surface to head to his belongings he noticed a girl standing by his sword. She turned to him when she heard the splashes of water that came with him.

"Oh…you scared me." She said with a slight blush. "I didn't realize someone was here…"

"… I am here…"

"Yes, so I see." She giggled. "I'm Arissa Sue Applewing by the way, nice to meet you." She waved her hand in a cute manner.

A sigh and "Turn around so I can get up and get dressed."

She blushed as if she just now realized how he was dressed.

"Oh… umm… sure…sorry." Soft splashes of water and the rustle of clothes was the only sounds that followed. It was the soft thuds of his boots coming closer to pick up the sword behind her back that alerted Arissa that he was done and she turned to check him out.

Long damp hair in a strange grey-ish colour, eyes that were astonishingly green, a young, to-die-for body and the kick-ass sword… Arissa debated with herself whether this was her hero or if she should just take the weapon and continue her search for a love-interest…

'Let's decide when his hair is dry… Beside he makes good practice and can at least give me some information about the situation here…' She thought with a shrug as she asked:

"So… where you going?" and frantically turned her head in order to find the strange man. Finding him under the shades of the forest she broke out in a run in order to catch up with him again. As she asked her question again she noticed that his strange eyes glowed in the shadows under the trees.

He paused for a moment and stared at her. Arissa did her best to charm him when she felt those eyes roaming over her even if the circumstances weren't the best. But apparently she must have succeeded because his lips suddenly turned into a smile and he pointed further ahead.

"... Somewhere in this forest is a small building where my mother is trapped inside a cage. I'm going to rescue her…if she's still alive…"

"What? That's awful. I'll help you rescue her if you want. I'm a very skilled fighter."

"No. I think this is a bit over your head." He entered into a spot where the sunlight had free access to the ground.

Silver… his hair was a metallic silver shade.

Yep, this would be the guy that would have her as the Heroine.

She was a little disappointed in herself as she had missed her chance to bath with him, but she figured that she would most likely have a new opportunity soon enough. And besides, he would probably have freaked out if she had entered the water when she had first met him… even if she did have her bathing suit close at hand.

Well, the decision was made; time to really start charming him.

"Nu-huh, I can use most weapons. If you let me borrow your sword I can show you."

He snorted.

"I'm tempted to let you try, but no one can wield Masamune but I, and I don't want anyone else to touch it."

She giggled. "Sounds a bit like jealousy."

He nodded. "Hmm, maybe."

"Well, tell you what. I come with you and I'll show you just how good I am. Deal?"

"Deal. Just don't come running to me if you can't defend yourself. I tell you, the guys guarding my mother are tough."

Arissa was fairly sure she would have this… this…

"Hey, what's your name by the way?"


"What a beautiful name."


… This Sephiroth eager to protect her at the time they came to the place where his mother was held captive. She was also pretty sure that she could have him giving her the sword as a memory of him when they parted ways. At least that was one of her goals...

Over the following couple of days Arissa managed to do everything she had promised herself to do. She proved she was a skilled fighter when she took down a monster without any weapons or help from Sephy as she had named him. She mentally shouted victory when he one night opened up to her and admitted he had three younger brothers that also searched for their mother and that he had lost contact with them. Her whole chest swell with pride the first time he stood still when she tried to kiss him as well as the time when he actually kissed her back. And she would forever treasure the memory when she had succeeded to slip into the water when he took a bath. That would be something to brag about when she was an old professor housed in the Mary Sue Academy Luxury 'Retirement Home' ('retired' from man-hunts but still working to teach her skills to the new promising Mary Sues that would come after her)… That was of course if she didn't marry this guy by the end of the adventure and live happily ever after with him a year or two.

According to her, the building came in view all too soon.

After spending a whole day under a bush, staring at the building Sephiroth had pointed out, Arissa began to believe the worst. She had yet to detect any movements inside the many broken windows. Some small constructions close by had doors that either stood open or hung loosely off their hinges. A small group of mammals were exploring the area between the buildings and some of them had even entered the huts with open doors to explore what was inside. To her everything just screamed that the buildings had been deserted by humans for a long time. During the dinner-break and after making sure that Sephiroth wasn't nearby, she had consulted her schoolbook from the Academy about what she could expect from this type of situation. The book informed her that the outcome wouldn't be nice… for the mother. With mixed emotions Arissa returned the book into the backpack and continued to inspect the buildings. She was both happy that her adventure wasn't over yet, but also sad that Sephy's Mother would still be suffering. Of course she would have to do her best to help free Jenova. In the best situation she would be the one who opened the cage or loosened the restraints but that would only happened if Sephy wasn't with her when she found the other woman… it was a shame that he could run faster than her.

A soft rustle to her left alerted her that her hero had return from inspecting the area around the buildings.

"I don't like this. It's too calm. No people at all." she whispered as he joined her under the bush.

He nodded.

"Okay, let's try to sneak in, find your mother if she's still here and sneak out." She suggested. "In other way we might find some evidence where she is today…"

"Yes." He extracted himself from the surrounding forest and headed to the building. No alarms rang out as they got closer, no guards started to ask questions. Nothing. Even the small mammals she had seen had made themselves scarce. One or two stood sniffing in the air, trying to decide what to do before they hissed and followed the rest. The fence surrounding the buildings was an easy obstacle to overcome. Arissa walked up to the front door and pushed; it creaked open.

"Hey, it's open!" whether this was a good thing or a bad thing was yet to be decided. But in her experience, people usually locked forsaken buildings. As if he could read her mind, Sephiroth just shrugged and pointed at a rusty, broken padlock that lay on the ground as he stepped by her. "Oh."

A soft hum of several machines greeted them as they entered the spacious corridor and a strange, moist odour assaulted their noses. The floor and walls was covered in scales, dried slime, dirty footprints and dents in various sizes. Dust floated in the air, dust-bunnies reproduced on the floor and were disturbed by their footsteps. Spider-webs hung from the roof. The shadows rippled as if they were under water and together with the flickering lights from the ceiling it was enough to scare away most sane persons. Arissa didn't even want to think about what could have happened in this building to leave it in this state.

"Okay, this is creepy! Let's just find your mother and get out as soon as possible." She exclaimed as they entered a large room. A big glass-tank that stood in the middle of the room emitted a soft green light.

Arissa followed as Sephiroth headed to a rickety staircase of metal-grids that reached to a make-shift second floor at the top of the tank. With a sigh she discovered that high heels were not the best choice to wear on the grid-floor that was also offered at the top of the stair.

She really needed to find a new pair of shoes. These were beginning to look a bit shabby… and they weren't really that useful in this kind of adventure…

She glanced up to see where her companion where. He had stopped beside the large open tank only a few meters away and stood staring down into it, leaning on the small safety fence. As she slowly made her way towards him, he came out from his thoughts and turned to her.

"You're going to have a problem if you need to run in those shoes."

She carefully stepped up beside him and glanced down into the tank.

A… head… floated in the green water… a smiling head…

"In that case I'm going to run barefoot, but as long as I can delay the moment to walk barefoot on these floors…"She didn't finish the sentence. "That's if I can't get you to carry me…?" She turned to him with puppy-eyes and a finger in her mouth. When he smiled she turned back to the tank with a smile. The smile slipped of her face when she heard him walk away, take something and come back again.

The head had belonged to a female…

"Is that…?" She nodded towards the tank.

In his hands was a pair of dusty soft-looking walking-shoes. As he bent down to place the shoes beside her feet he said: "Mother" took hold of her lower legs and suddenly heaved her over the safety-fence and into the tank.

She opened her mouth to scream but as the greenish liquid surrounded her it only came out as a gargle. She closed her mouth and tried to get up, to get out. He stood there, sword in hand, smiling. A quick movement later and a burning sensation made her realize he had cut off her hands. The shock turned to pain and panic as she started to hear a strange voice inside her head…

Hello toy…

She submerged…

Sephiroth tore his eyes away from the tank as a door opened below him. Kadaj stepped into the room. Two pair of similar green eyes met through a grid floor.

"Hi, so you're back now… who was that woman we saw with you?"

Sephiroth turned back to the tank.

"Oh, just a plaything I brought for Mother."

As two more silver-haired young males stepped into the room, a creature broke the surface of the tank and fell down on the floor. It wobbled around for a while before it manage to get its many paws to work properly then it darted towards the nearest open door.

Bring me more of those… she was FUN!

All four males could easily see the mental grin that followed with their mother's laughter.

"So are we staying here for a while?" asked Loz.

"Sure, I couldn't detect any movements inside when I came back with the girl, even when I knew you were inside."

Meanwhile Loz had made his way up to where Sephiroth stood. "Great. Here Mother, here's your food."

Want a new toy.

"Eat your food and we'll bring you a new toy." Loz dumped a bucket of vegetables and raw meet into the tank under the surprised supervision of his oldest 'brother'. "You need to be in good shape when we attempt the reunion next time."

"You… do know she's dead right? She can't really eat…" Sephiroth felt the need to point this out. Loz nodded with a grin as he bent down to pick up the dusty shoes and put them back where they usually stood.

"We heard on the TV that vegetables are healthy and she does like meat…" Kadaj felt he had to join in.

"I don't think carrots can cure death though…" But they watched all the same as the unlucky plants and meat-pieces dissolved into nothing inside the tank.

"Maybe not, but it'll give her something to do. Come on, we have stew in the kitchen." Yazoo replied with a wave of his hand.

"Didn't we decide that Mother wouldn't get any more Sue's? She never eats them…" asked Kadaj as he stared at the wet trail left by the creature.

"She tried to steal Masamune." The two above the tank moved down and joined the pair at the bottom of the stairs.

"Ops." They stood a moment and gazed into the tank before the youngest opened his mouth again. "Even so…she would never have been able to succeed anyway…"

"That's not the problem." Sephiroth turned away from the tank and headed to the small door through which his three brothers had come.

"No…What did you do during that time? I doubt she tried to knick it from your back…?"

"I bathed."

A snicker. "Well what a situation to meet one of them in."

The door slammed shut behind them.

Later the same day a shabby good-looking man with shiny black hair stumbled upon a young man with silver hair sitting on a rock. The stranger made a mental calculation of the younger mans age before he tiptoed up to lean over the youth.

"Hi." He purred in an ear only to almost wince as a set of tear-filled eyes turned to him.

Damn, that hair had tricked him to believe this kid was older…

A gasp escaped the young man…no, boy... and he furiously wiped away his tears and finally set a pair of amazingly green eyes on him again.

"Umm… I didn't notice you…" the boy said.

"Sorry to startle you… Are you lost?" the older male sunk down to the boys level. At the same time he mentally cursed that the kid wasn't older. He'd never seen such a good-looking kid... such a waste...


"Hey, maybe you can help me? I'm searching my long lost twin-sister. Her name was Aerith Gainsborough. Do you… know anything?"

"Oh. Her. Big brother met her just before she disappeared… maybe he can help you…"

Big brother, eh?

"Yes… maybe he can. Can you take me to him? I'm Gary Sue Gainsborough by the way. What's your name?" Gary smiled and held out his hand.

A shake and the kid looked away, ashamed. "Loz. Big brother and I… we argued… I ran away… I forgot to clean the tank…"

"Oh… I'm sure I can help you with that Loz. Come now." Gary put his hand under the kids chin to force him to look at him. "I'll help you. Trust me."

Green eyes found his heavenly blue.

He stood again with a smile and offered the hand again.

The boy smiled… and took the offered hand.

"Okay. Come with me, we live just a short way from here…"

DD: Mmmm… what a feeling to write this… just like therapy… but without the guy asking silly questions…

I dump all the flamers in the tank with Jenova… She loves to get new toys... XD