Rating: G? Seriously, it's short and sweet and everyone can read it
Short summary: Edward POV in 2nd person. One night, while Bella is sleeping, Edward reflects on life before and after her. Currently reading New Moon and thought of this after reading Carlisle and Bella's conversation on her birthday. My first fic for the fandom.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns all characters. Cause she kicks ass like that.
Before her, you had it figured out. You knew where you stood in this life, knew your place in this world. Before her, you knew what, not who you were. Not man. Not even human. But sin and abomination. A predator always fighting the bloodlust for prey. Before her, you knew you were damned.
But now that she's here, now that warmth and lavendar have invaded your senses, you don't feel you know much of anything. Your whole world has been spun the wrong way, your every porcelain belief on the verge of breaking. Now you feel more alive than you ever did as a human boy. In moments of quiet, you wonder if you are weak or strong because of her, if she's the reason the days don't seem as bleak or the nights as long. Now, for the first time since Carlisle's venomous kiss, you feel like prey. Like the spider and the fly, and she's caught you in her web.
But most of all (and perhaps creating a bit of resentment on your part because she's changing your iron-clad ideals) she's slowly making you believe in something else. Making you consider the very idea of a hereafter for your kind. That you are neither God nor Devil, that they do exist, and that one day, maybe, your immortality will be judged like any other man.
It's the only thing that can make sense and baffle you at the same time. It's the only explanation for why Heaven lies in your arms night after night and whimpers your name while she sleeps. Once upon a time, you thought - no, you damn well knew - that there was no salvation for your kind. Now you wonder. Now her love makes you feel like you are worth some kind of forgiveness.
Her hot breath against your throat, the coos of your name on her lips, pull you from your thoughts. You smile, pull the covers around her bare shoulders because she's shivering like a leaf. And like a little child, she relaxes into you once more, those soft pink lips curling upwards at your touch. When you are sure she's fast asleep again, you push dark strands from her face and kiss the warmth of her eyelids, breathing in her scent.
Before her, you minded the sleepless nights and the inability to dream. Now, holding her while she slumbers, you feel like you're dreaming with your eyes open. You don't feel like a monster anymore. For the first time in a long time, you feel like a man.