Time spun and I was running, running so fast I could feel time blurring around me. It didn't blur the sound. I could hear Jacob's snarl behind me, growling with the hatred of a thousand scorned men. I could hear the low groans of my love as his body was ripped piece by piece in the Jacob's cold jaw. I wanted to collapse to the dirt and die, but I couldn't. I couldn't.
I realized at that moment Jacob had lost his humanity. He claimed that he was different from vampires: he had a beating heart. But I know at that moment, more than any other time, it didn't matter. Everything that made Jacob my Jacob, his naïve crush, his thoughtless actions, his long hair, himself; it had all vanished. The wolf inside had sucked up and devoured any traces of him he had left. He wasn't human, he was wolf. His wolf had to die because it killed the boy inside.
"Stop!" I screamed suddenly, turning on my heel, ready to run back, something hitting me as I realized what I had to do for the boy about to die for me. I couldn't save his life but I could do more.
"No!"He yelled, desperate. He turned around, staring at me as if he were afraid I would dive to join the fight and leave him alone. I knew if I did that, he would follow me, and too many people already had to die today. "What are you doing?"
I could see him, close to death already. So I did what I had to do- what I'd always wanted to do but, unable as a human. I mustered all my strength, even as he yelled behind me that we had to run, we had to get away and warn the others. We had to find the pack so they could stop Jacob. We had to do so many things but I only wanted one.
I opened my mind and the thoughts poured like a river into Edward. Even withering on the ground, his head shot up, his eyes met mine, seeing everything I saw as we first fell in love and first met again. Even through chaos and death looming not too far, I could see light and beauty streaming between us deeper than anything Jacob could take away. Our eyes met and they didn't waiver, because we both knew that neither of us could live as long as the other lived. We were trapped in cycle that only death could break. Our relationship was poison- complete and utter poison.
I could see the first day in class when I thought he hated me, creating a curtain of hair when in reality it only taunted the animal inside more. I could see his feelings the night I muttered his name for the first time even in my sleep. I could see him as he protected me from James and later Victoria even though the chances were stacked against him. I could see us laying in the meadow day after day, just relaxing. I could see as he stepped out into the soon in Italy as I slammed against him, his eyes as he realized he wasn't in heaven and I stood in front of him. I could see the first time we showed ourselves to our high school, people staring at me in envy and in awe. I could see when he covered my body with his own, reaching out with his bare hands to stop the van screeching in my path. I could see the adoration shinning in him as he tried to convince me it wasn't all just a dream.
It had to be just a dream.
Like Jacob had commented so long ago, in a different life, he was my moon. He blocked out of the sun, all that was healthy for me and my life. He drove all the rational thoughts out of me, he made me react in ways I never thought I had the ability to. He brought out my worst side and best side all at once in a torment of emotion. We were the picture of two people in love, two people like Cathy and Heathclif or Romeo and Juliet or even Henry and Ann. But did I want to suffer for love? Did I want to walk from hell and back every day? The realization hit me far harder than anything else had ever hit me before.
And so it was time to say goodbye to my moon: I had a sun that could provide far more light. He made it hard to smile and to breathe, but it ended now. I could live. I didn't have to feel alone, I didn't have to walk the days that weren't so easy alone. I didn't have to. I could be free.
"I will always love you," I thought. "I will bring you home." Edward died with a smile on his face. I'll never forget the last look I got of him. Somehow Jacob started a fire that leapt from tree to tree, engulfing everything in its path. Edward looked at me for one last time, smiling, His eyes were never brighter, and he joined the flame. I turned, letting Rexy take my hand. Behind us, Jacob laughed a maniac laugh and I knew he had to be at least partly human. He laughed as if he watched the greatest comedy on earth even as he dug his own grave. He didn't plan on surviving the fire and he too met it head on, laughing and laughing until he couldn't laugh any more. I waited for a rush of pain to come, but I felt nothing. I had mourned Jacob's death a long time ago.
I don't know how long we ran but all of a sudden my family surrounded me, questions filling my ears. "Where's Edward?" It repeated itself. "Where's Edward? Where's Edward?"
I couldn't speak and sunk to me knees, my head whirling. They were going to hate me- they were going to hate me so much. I killed their son and he did nothing but love me with everything he had in him.
Rexy, in low, soothing tones, explained what happened back in the forest. As he spoke I could picture the scene in my mind, like a horror movie on repeat. Like drug user through withdraws, emotions struck me over and over. I wanted Edward, I wanted Edward so bad it hurt. I couldn't have them both and for once my selfish nature couldn't have its way.
Rexy bent next to me as the air fell silent, stroking my hair. "I'm so sorry Bella. I'm so sorry. I wish I could trade places with him- I'm so sorry."
His words, slowly, floated around my muffled head. With a burst of energy I grabbed his shirt. "No! Don't think like that, please. I want you. I need you. He hurt me so bad- you're my sun. Please don't leave me. I need you."
He grabbed me to his body so tightly it felt like our atoms could mold together, making us one. Alice joined the huddle, and then Esme, then their husbands and Emmett and Rose, cautious, stepped in too.
"We don't hate you, Bella," Alice whispered in my head. "I understand. I think Edward is happier this way. He always wanted to die for you."
Time passes, even when it seems all it does is stand still. The pack came and went, all trading hugs, apologizing a million times over but I shushed them, telling them everything happened for the best. We could finally move after being trapped in the past for so long. Time moved even when we chose not to move with it, and it was time to resume. We couldn't lag behind for forever, not when we had something to finally live for.
Rexy and I moved to Alaska, with promises of visiting my family and promises of writing to the pack. We all knew these promises wouldn't be filled, not for while. Seeing them would reopen a wound that had been open and blistered for 85 years. It needed to close and finally I gave it the chance to.
"Rexy," I asked one night as we watched the stars outside. There were so many more of them, it seemed. "Why were you a bad person? I know Edward only killed people that deserved it. Why did you deserve it? You're… you're my hero."
He looked down at me with worried eyes. "Are you sure you're ready to talk about this?"
I nodded, looking him dead in the eyes. "I'm more than ready."
"You know I'm from Texas. It gets really dry there sometimes. To this day, I'm not sure how it started. I was sitting in my house one day and I could smell smoke. I instantly went outside to check the stables next door, making sure the horses were okay. I didn't realize the fire wasn't there- it was inside my house.
"It spread quickly. My entire family- my mom and dad and little brother- they were all inside. I could hear them yelling for help but I was terrified. I couldn't move, because I knew if I tried to save them I would die too. I was the biggest coward in the world. I listened to my family die and didn't do a damn thing about it. I never forgave myself- not that I had much time to sulk in self-pity. It was only a week or two after that I got changed. I was living with my friend when it happened and the entire town considered it a freak accident."
"But you saved me," I whispered, mostly in shock. I couldn't consider Rexy being afraid. It didn't seem like him, not at all.
He smiled sadly. "You saved me from myself, Bella. I guess, when I helped you, and taught you, and everything else- I proved to myself that I could be worthy. And at the same time I fell in love with the most brilliant girl in the world."
I smiled and kissed him softly- the only appropriate response to words like those. We moved on from the past and we moved on with ourselves- we escaped the ruins. Now we could be together- be, and just be. He was my sun and now I could soak in the rays and I was his gravity and he could stand on earth and look at himself with pride. Marriage and schools would come, later, but finally I didn't feel like Cathy, buried in between the two men she loved more than anything. Love didn't have to torture me and I didn't have to haunt the halls, trapped by a curse that I craved yet despised. I was Lucy and Penelope and Elizabeth and I was me. Love didn't trap, it let us grow and became all we wanted to be to the end of the earth and back.
And I could live with that.
Now from his breast into his eyes the ache
Of longing mounted and wept at last,
His dear wife, clear and faithful, in his arms,
Longed for as the sunwarmed earth is longed for by a swimmer
Spent in rough water where his ship went down
Under Poseidon's blows, gale winds and tons of sea.
Few men can keep alive through a big surf
To crawl, clotted with brine, on kindly beaches
In joy, in joy, knowing the abyss behind:
And so she too rejoiced, her gaze upon her husband,
Her white arms round him pressed as though forever."
A/N: Well guys. It's over, and I think I mean that, for everything. Fanfiction used to be a huge part of my writing, and it's simply not anymore. I've moved on, plain and simple. To those people that have been here from day one: I can't believe you've stuck around this long, because my first story wasn't the best writing in the world. Thanks so much because you don't know how much you inspired me to keep writing. You guys, everyone who's read something I wrote, amaze me. If you actually like it... my mind is blown. I love you guys, who I'll never meet or know, so much. Please comment just so I can message you back telling you this. I know it didn't end up how most of you wanted, but I can't bring myself to say sorry. This story wrote itself at a time in my life when I needed this ending. I can't see it any other way. Thank you for reading, and this will, probably be my last fanfic. It's hard to believe: I've been doing this for years, and I thought that I would be sad with this realizaton. Somehow, I'm not. It's a bitter happiness. Comment and tell me what you think about this and what you would do. Tell me what's inside your head, because I would love nothing more but to know.
If post original fiction on other sites, so if you ask, I can give you the links and maybe we can keep in touch that way because I adore each and every one of you. I can't even put it into words. Thank you for making my day so many times. This has been a journey together.
So long, farewell, goodbye, beautiful people.
With all my undying love. -Sare