Disclaimer: I don't own JLU or anything DC oriented. I wish I did though.
Another Typical Night
It was another typical night in Oliver Queen's world: Multi millionaire philanthropist by day and the butt kicking Green Arrow by night. He was also a liberal Democrat who hadn't quite made up his mind on who to vote for and it didn't help that the supposedly faceless man to his right was a conservative Republican who already had a single candidate.
"Enough about politics!" Ollie finally pleaded. "Go do your McCain recruiting somewhere else!"
The Question muttered something undoubtedly witty and sarcastic under his breath, but Ollie chose not to listen to it. The two men sat in silence as they watched a couple of beautiful women beat the snot out of each other.
"Gah!" Black Canary yelped. Her head snapped back, having been unable to avoid the Huntress's dangerous left hook.
"Helena's improved," Ollie observed.
"Pff…of course she has," Vic replied. The Question found himself cringing inwardly as his girlfriend made the mistake of pausing a moment to gloat. Helena Bertinelli instantly found herself face down in the dirt as Dinah Lance threw out another insult.
"Dinah's still better," Green Arrow smirked.
"Hmph," the Question replied. "I beg to differ." This time it was Ollie's turn to cringe as his girlfriend tumbled backward into a trashcan.
"Know it all bastard," Ollie mumbled.
"Self righteous Robin Hood wannabe," the other man replied.
"Right wing Psychotic nutcase."
"At least my party doesn't have two candidates dividing my party's votes," Vic pointed out.
"Oh shut up!"
Ah yes, another typical night.
The two men stopped arguing long enough to shout obligatory words of encouragement to their girlfriends. After a couple 'Go Canary!', the Green Arrow looked over at the other Leaguer.
"I'm starving, you want anything?" Ollie asked. "I think it's my turn to pay."
"Where are you going?"
"I dunno, either McDonalds or that convenience store up the road."
"If you go to McDonalds, get me a Big Mac and a Dr. Pepper," the Question said. Ollie paused to stare at him.
"What?' Vic asked.
"You seriously eat at McDonalds? One of the largest corporate conglomerates on the planet?" Green Arrow asked in shock.
"Yeah, so?" Question asked.
"And you call yourself a conspiracy theorist? If any monopoly is part of a conspiracy, it's McDonalds!'
"Just get me the damned Big Mac."
"And what if I decide not to go to McDonalds?" Ollie asked innocently. He could feel the other man's glare through the faceless mask. Green Arrow didn't bother to hide the smirk on his face.
"You're going to seriously eat food from a convenience store?" Vic Sage asked, surprised. "Do you know how much…?"
"Oh for the love of God!" Ollie shouted, throwing up his hands. Both women paused in mid battle to stare at the two men.
"What is it Arrow?" Canary asked. The Huntress sent him a glare, as if daring him to say something bad about her boyfriend. Green Arrow waved his hands at them.
"Nothing, nothing," Ollie explained. "Just a disagreement. Go back to kicking each other's asses."
"Arrow!" Canary shouted. Ollie grimaced. He was going to pay for that.
"I mean, go back to kicking Huntress's ass!" Ollie corrected. Both women glared at him, but soon returned to pummeling each other.
"Okay, fine…I'll go to McDonalds," Ollie assented. He could have sworn that the other man was smirking beneath his mask. Green Arrow tried not to stomp off towards the fast food restaurant. Vic Sage thought he had won this round, but next time…
The Question was humming to himself when the Green Arrow not so subtly dropped a McDonalds bag into his lap. Vic Sage pressed a finger to his belt to release a small burst of gas. Ollie watched curiously as the Question's black hair changed to red beneath his fedora. Vic Sage reached up and pulled his Pseudoderm mask up enough to leave his mouth free to eat.
"Are you sure that gas is safe to breath in all the time?" Ollie asked with some concern.
"Tot says that it's safe," Vic answered, referring to his old college professor by his nickname. He took a bite out of his hamburger.
"Is he sure though? I mean, people get cancer from these sorts of things…" Ollie continued. The Question sighed and the Green Arrow took that as his cue to shut up.
"Damn witch!" the Huntress shouted. Both men looked up to see both women temporarily tumble out of sight into the next alley.
"Why can't they ever pick nicer places to fight?" Vic asked. Ollie shrugged, more concerned with the lack of ketchup packets in his takeout bag.
"They didn't give me ketchup!" Ollie complained.
"Go cry a river," the Question replied. Ollie glared hotly at him for a second before grabbing the other man's bag.
"Hah! I knew it!" Ollie shouted. He victoriously stole several ketchup packets from Vic before the other man managed to wrestle back his McDonalds bag.
"Bastard," Vic muttered. Ollie gloated as he tore open the ketchup packets.
"This is how the Democrats are going to win the presidency," Ollie smirked.
"By stealing ketchup packets?" Vic asked nonchalantly.
"Oh shut up!" Green Arrow yelled. "Why are you a Republican anyway, I thought you didn't trust the government? Shouldn't you be a Libertarian or something?"
"Libertarians don't win national office," the Question pointed out.
Both men jumped out of the way as Black Canary was thrown in their direction. The blonde scowled to herself, momentarily oblivious to the two males protectively guarding their french fries. She picked up a trash can lid and threw it at the other woman. The Huntress spun back on her right leg to avoid the spinning metal lid.
"You know what's weird?" Ollie asked. "I mean, besides your theory that the Boy scouts are really the new Hitler youth?"
"It's not weird."
There was a pause.
"So what's weird?" Vic finally asked, popping a few french fries into his mouth.
"Of all the guys in the Justice League, we're probably the only ones who actually have a stable relationship." With two unstable people, Ollie added silently. "And Clark doesn't count. The guy's too much of a coward to even tell Lois the truth."
"Lois has probably figured it out," Vic pointed out. "She's probably just waiting for the Boyscout to tell her the truth."
"You know Lois?" Ollie asked, somewhat surprised. Charles Victor Szasz shrugged.
"We went to journalism school together, but she was a couple of years ahead of me."
"Really?" Ollie asked, intrigued. "Does You Know Who know that?"
"Voldemort?" Vic asked innocently.
"That's He Who Must Not Be Named, not You Know Who," Ollie answered dryly. "And no, I don't mean him." Vic shrugged his shoulders in reply, which Green Arrow took to mean that Clark probably didn't know.
"Oh, that reminds me," the Question said. "I'm supposed to go to Metropolis next week for an assignment. Some people from the Daily Planet are supposed to meet me at the train station."
"Does the Boyscout know?" Ollie asked. The other man's smirk was all the reply that Ollie needed.
"How're you managing that?" he asked in wonderment.
"I told Lois in an email that Kent and I have met before, but that we didn't get along. I asked her to try to keep it a secret as long as possible that I was the one from Hub City who was coming."
"Think she'll go along with it?" Ollie asked.
"Please…Lois is a closet sadist," Vic answered. "She wants to see the look on Kent's face as much as I do."
"Make sure you take pictures," Ollie said. "I want to see them."
Black Canary drop kicked the Huntress in the face.
"Hurm…isn't Flash dating that Park woman?" Vic asked.
"Speaking of that, what do you think of her? As one television reporter about another?" Ollie asked seriously. The Question paused thoughtfully.
"Not bad," he assented. "She's still young and inexperienced, but she has potential if she learns how to use it. I've never met her personally, so I don't know about anything beyond that."
"Oh please…" Ollie rolled his eyes. "I know you better than that. I'll bet that you've been digging through her trash ever since Flash started making puppy dog eyes at her."
"Her parents emigrated from Vietnam; she likes banana splits, teddy bears, and Johnny Depp movies. She also subscribes to The Washington Post, The Economist, and Playgirl."
"Playgirl? Seriously?" Green Arrow's mouth quirked up into a grin. He couldn't wait to tell Wally that.
"No. I made that part up."
"Bastard. What other lies have you told me?"
"Pff…as if I'd tell you."
The two men sat silently as they watched the two women pause a moment to catch their breath. During their brief respite, the two women continued to hurl insults at each other.
"Blonde haired bimbo!"
"Okay okay, blonde haired witch!"
"Oh HELL no!"
"You're right though," the Question mused. "Most of the other men don't have a stable relationship. Just look at Stewart, he's a walking soap opera."
"John? What about Bats?" Ollie asked. "Just how many girlfriends has that guy had?"
"Are we counting the floozy of the week?"
"Floozy of the week, don't you mean floozy of the day?" Green Arrow corrected. "And I swear; the man enjoys it, no matter how much he denies it."
"Then we're both in agreement, Wayne is a manwhore."
Ollie snorted. He tried to stop it, but not matter how hard he tried, he was soon laughing his ass off.
"I don't think I've ever heard of him described with that term before," Green Arrow laughed.
"Pfff…we both know it's true," the Question answered, sipping on his soda.
"I know…that's why it's so funny!"
"ARE YOU TWO GOSSIPING AGAIN!?"
Both men looked up to see a certain pair of women glaring at them, hands on their hips.
"Us? Gossip!? Never!" Ollie denied. Both women raised their eyebrows and looked at each other, as if to silently say 'Men…'
"This is your fault, you know," Dinah accused, pointing an accusing finger at Helena. "It's because of your boyfriend's bad influence…"
"Bad influence!? Last time that I checked, your boyfriend was a grown man who was capable of making his own choices!"
"I'm a bad influence," the Question stated stoically.
"Damn you," Ollie joked back. "And here I'd thought that I was the bad influence."
"Yeah, but sometimes Ollie doesn't make very good choices," Black Canary countered back. Ollie gaped at her.
"Ouch," the Question smirked.
"Hey! I heard that!" Ollie shouted in outrage.
"Sorry Arrow," Dinah answered sweetly, batting her eyes at him. Ollie glared at her. As if that was going to work…
Although, she did look pretty hot doing that…
"Focus Queen," Vic said, waving his hand in front of Ollie's eyes. Green Arrow shook his head and silently damned himself. Was he really that simple minded when it came to the opposite sex?
He decided not to answer that, especially in regards to Dinah.
"What the hell is John thinking?" Ollie finally said. "He obviously still loves Shayera and Mari knows it. He's just hurting them both."
"Well," the Question paused. "Polygamy is legal is certain parts of the world…"
"Isn't John a Baptist?" Ollie asked.
"Doesn't mean he can't convert."
"Some how I don't see Shayera and Vixen agreeing to it, even if he did convert to a religion that endorsed polygamy."
"They would if hell froze over and Batman took up cross stitching as a hobby," the Question replied.
"And when Flash goes on a hunger strike…" Ollie added.
"Or when J'onn gives up Oreos.."
"And when Britney Spears becomes President…"
"Oh, so that's who the Democrats are really going to nominate?"
"Shut up!" Ollie threatened, waving his empty styrofoam cup at the other man.
"Will Paris Hilton be on the same ticket?" Vic asked innocently. Ollie chucked the empty cup at him.
Ollie sighed and rested his head on his hands. The two women had returned to fighting and showed no signs of stopping. He looked at his watch and sighed.
"I hope they'll be done soon," Green Arrow said quietly, lest they overhear him. "We need to get back to patrol. And…"
"Don't worry," Vic answered. "I'm recording Oprah."
"Hey, you watch Oprah too?" Ollie asked. The other man gave a 'hmph.' Green Arrow grinned to himself.
"Bruce refuses to watch Oprah," he said.
"Since when can he be considered a 'normal' person?" the Question asked.
"Funny to hear you talking about what's normal and what's not," Ollie countered.
"Left wing Communist."
"I'm not a Communist!" There was a pause. "I'm a liberal Democrat with slightly Socialist leanings!"
"Commie," the Question jokingly accused.
"Fascist," the Green Arrow replied back, without the slightest hint of seriousness.
The two men noticed that a certain pair of women had slowed down and were now panting. They'd be done any minute now.
"Think we can ever convince them to mud wrestle?" Ollie asked.
"Hmph…" came the reply.
"Was that a yes or a no?" Green Arrow asked.
"There is a chance of rain next week," the Question replied. "Perhaps we can arrange to 'accidentally' run into each other where…"
"There's conveniently a lot of mud around?" Ollie finished. The other man nodded his head before pulling his mask back down and releasing some gas. His fiery red hair returned to being a somber black.
"We'll have to be careful," Vic said. "If…if we do manage it, it has to look like an accident. If they figure it out, we'll be the ones who will be mud wrestling for their entertainment."
"Well, as long as it isn't naked mud wrestling…"
"Shut up," Vic hissed as the two women began limping their way. "Don't give them any ideas."
"Until next time!" Black Canary threatened, pulling Ollie away from Vic. The two women pulled their men in opposite directions, both believing that she had in fact won the fight.
"So…" Dinah finally asked, looking at Ollie. "What evil were you two plotting?"
"Us?" Ollie asked innocently. "Plot?"
"Never mind," Dinah sighed. "We'd better get back to our patrol." However, she still smirked at her boyfriend.
"So what were you two gossiping about?" she asked.
"Well, we came to the conclusion that Batman is a manwhore and that Green Lantern should take up polygamy," Ollie answered. Dinah stared at him.
"I'm sorry I asked," she muttered. Ollie smirked.
Yes, another typical night. At least, until next time.