A/N This was my answer to a challange set on the Supernaturaville site to write a story in honour of April Fools day, based on the boy's prank wars, to lighten the mood a little as the season finale looms near. So it is (hopefully) funny and has no point whatsoever other than that!
(It didn't win btw, but I figured I'd post it here anyway..)
I want to dedicate this one to my Dad though, since for reasons totally unfathomable to me he insists on printing out and reading everything I write. And apparently liking it. Hope you like this one! :)
"This is not funny."
The glare which accompanied that particular statement was probably supposed to be intimidating. However it was a little hard to be intimidated by someone who had blue goo running down their face.
And in their hair. And everywhere else.
With that in mind Sam thought it was hardly surprising he was having trouble keeping a straight face. Not that it was currently helping the situation.
"Come on, Dean, it's a little funny. From this side."
The glare narrowed.
"Keep it up, Sam, and I'm gonna come over there and see how you like being covered in this.. This.."
Dean searched for the right word to convey the true disgustingness of what was currently dripping from head to toe.
"Sprite snot?" provided Sam, helpfully, and Dean actually managed to look incredulous. Something that was fairly hard to do, since most of his face was hidden from view under said snot.
"You are so not helping." he said, turning on his heel and stalking towards the bathroom.
Sam winced as the door slammed hard enough to be heard three states away and he eyed the blue puddle where his brother had just been standing with a resigned look on his face.
That was definitely not gonna come out of the carpet.
"Come on, Dean – you'd be having a great time at my expense if I was the one who'd got slimed by that thing."
"But it wasn't, was it?" came the muffled reply and Sam winced again as even from there he heard the wet slopping sound of some item of ruined clothing hitting the floor.
He was just grateful Dean hadn't been wearing his leather jacket for once.
"That's not my fault, it was just.. bad luck." he said, lamely, and he swore he could hear Dean's eye roll through the door.
"Bad luck my ass. You're supposed to be research-boy, Sam – how the hell did you not know that those things explode when you complete the ritual?"
Sam's mouth opened and closed a couple of times as he tried to come up with an answer that wouldn't require him to sleep with one eye open for the next few days.
"Badly kept records?" he hazarded and was rewarded with stony silence.
As he heard the shower come on he figured it might be better to give Dean some space to calm down. Scribbling a note on a piece of paper and leaving it on the side he grabbed the car keys and headed out to get some food.
That was always a sure fire way to get back in Dean's good books.
He came back literally just as Dean opened the bathroom door, filing the room with a cloud of steam.
"Hey, I brought food. I even got pie." he said, shrugging off his jacket and throwing it over the back of one of the chairs. As he turned round he got his first look at Dean sans the blue slime and he found himself biting his lip.
His brother's skin was bright red, as if he'd been scrubbing it vigorously. Which of course he probably had. His hair was also sticking up at all angles, whether due to the effort of getting the slime out or as an after effect. Either way it was an interesting look.
He looked up at Sam and took in the barely contained mirth.
"I swear to god Sam, you so much as smirk I'm going to shoot you."
Sam bit down harder.
"I'll just, uh, get some coffee going." he said, heading for the kitchen area and trying to avoid looking at Dean. The more he looked, the worse it got.
Dean muttered something under his breath, still shooting evil looks at Sam's back. His brother was getting far too much amusement out of this.
Having switched on the coffee machine Sam went into the bathroom, coming out seconds later with a disgusted look on his face.
"Dude, you can't just leave that pile of clothes there – it's gross."
Dean raised his eyebrows.
"You're telling me it's gross? I've probably caught something nasty from that stuff. And I don't care what you do with the clothes, no way they can be salvaged anyway."
Shaking his head Sam went back in and emerged holding the bundle of goo covered clothes out in front of him like they were radioactive. Grabbing a plastic bag from the cupboard under the sink he shoved them in and tied it off, stepping outside to drop the bag in the trash can near their door. His hands were now covered in the stuff and he shot Dean a glare of his own as he walked past to wash them, his brother merely smirking in response.
Once his hands were scrubbed as clean as Dean's face Sam came back out and poured two mugs of coffee. Bringing them over he put them on the table and took the food out of the bag.
"Here, don't say I never bring you anything."
Dean took the proffered burger and fries but still didn't look very mollified.
"This does not make up for me spending the last hour looking like something Slimer coughed up." he said and Sam choked on his mouthful of coffee.
Dean really wasn't helping.
"Come on, Dean. You can't hold a grudge about this – I had no idea the thing would explode."
"Right, it was just lucky you were far enough away none of it reached you."
"You were the one who told me to stand back, remember?"
"Don't get clever, Sammy. You know if any of that goo got on my seats, you are so cleaning it up."
Sam sighed and bit into his own burger, knowing there was no talking to Dean while he was in this mood. As he chewed he couldn't help but replay events in his head and as he reached the bit where the thing exploded he felt his lips twitch. He tried to control it but then the image of Dean's shocked expression came to mind, followed by the string of expletives that had spewed forth once he'd got over the initial surprise, and the twitch became a grin. Dean noticed and his gaze narrowed.
"Something amusing you, Sam?"
He couldn't help it. He really couldn't. The grin became a full on chuckle, which turned into hiccups, which turned into him clutching the table with one hand and his ribs with the other while tears poured down his face.
"I'm sorry." he gasped. "It's just, the look on your face, man!"
Dean glared at him.
"I hate you. I really mean it."
The words had no effect on Sam who was beyond help at this point.
Picking up the rest of his food – and both pieces of pie – Dean grabbed his coat and attempted to make a dignified exit, slamming the front door behind him. Sam would have told him not to go.
If he'd had any air left in his lungs.
When he finally managed to struggle to his feet a few minutes later he looked out the window to see Dean sitting in the Impala, finishing his dinner and giving the motel room evil looks.
Sam winced as he wiped away the stray tears. He was gonna pay for that one.
Dean looked up as the door opened and Sam appeared, looking contrite. He ignored him.
A few moments later his brother appeared beside the window, tapping lightly on the glass. Dean still ignored him.
"Come on Dean, this is ridiculous. I'm sorry I laughed, ok? I couldn't help it. Please come back inside."
Dean finished the last of his fries before turning to look at his brother. Sam was doing his best impression of remorsefulness. He was also, Dean noticed, not wearing a jacket. He shook his head, reaching out and opening the door.
"If you're trying to make me feel better by catching pneumonia it won't work, dumb ass. Just get back inside, would you."
Sam did as he was told, only when he was sure Dean was following him.
"I'm still keeping both pieces of pie though. You don't deserve it."
Sam wisely kept quiet.
As he lay in bed later that night listening to Sam's mild snoring Dean started thinking. There was definitely pay back due on this one, not only for the bad research but for the sheer delight his brother had taken in the situation afterwards. As he made a decision Dean grinned to himself in the dark.
Sam was really gonna regret finding this so funny.
It took Sam a while to realise what was going on. It started out innocently enough, a split in the tube of toothpaste that left him covered in minty freshness and Dean smirking for the rest of the day.
His next clue was a carefully cut hole in the takeaway coffee cup that didn't show itself right away, instead waiting for him to take a sip before depositing hot coffee in his lap. The lady sitting at the next table outside had looked appalled at his language, and his face had turned as red as his nether regions probably were at that moment, all of which had seemed to only add to Dean's enjoyment of the whole situation. In fact he'd been briefly distracted enough to wonder whether his brother was going to keel over, since he was laughing so hard.
It had been while he was in the men's room, trying to dry his jeans under the hand dryer – something that was not nearly as easy as it sounds – when the thought occurred to him. His gaze narrowed.
By the time he came out he was almost certain and he took Dean totally by surprise when he grabbed hold of his jacket and dragged him to one side.
"Dude, what is wrong with you?"
Sam came to a stop and spun Dean round so he was facing him.
"Is this a prank war thing again?" he demanded and Dean smirked.
"Well it took you long enough."
Sam threw up his hands in disgust.
"Oh come on, Dean! We're not twelve years old anymore, dude, and we are not starting this up again – do you remember what happened last time?"
"Yeah, I lost half the skin on my hand since you got busy with the superglue."
"Exactly. Look, you got me back for the goo thing ok? Can we just leave it at that?"
Dean appeared to contemplate the question.
"Well, if you're that worried. I guess that little display in there was kind of entertaining."
"I'm glad you enjoyed it. And I am not worried by the way."
"Of course not, Sammy."
"You do know reverse psychology stopped working on me once I got past puberty, right?"
Dean said nothing but carried on looking amused. Sam glared at him for a full ten seconds before stomping off towards the Impala, saying something under his breath that Dean couldn't quite catch. Which was probably just as well.
He chuckled to himself. Reverse psychology or not, he was going to watch his back for the next few days. Sam definitely had a look about him that was screaming retribution.
The yell from the bathroom had Sam grinning, even before the door opened and Dean emerged in a towel with a face like thunder. When he saw the results of his efforts the grin turned into a full on chuckle.
"This had better wash out, Sam!"
Sam looked thoughtful.
"I don't know, I think blue kind of suits you. I'm sure the ladies will love it."
His only reply was the slamming of the bathroom door, hard enough to rattle the walls.
Two hours later Dean was still fuming, and Sam was still finding the whole thing deeply amusing. His brother's hair had probably never been as clean as it was at that moment, thanks to a good dozen washes and most of an entire bottle of shampoo.
This time the one without the added hair dye.
"If my hair falls out I'm gonna kill you."
"Whatever. You need to relax, Dean. It's just a harmless prank after all."
Dean momentarily considered if he'd really thought this plan through.
Two days later he decided he definitely hadn't. The hair dye trick had been responded to when Sam's deodorant somehow mysteriously changed into a roll-on hair remover. This resulted in Sam now having considerably less underarm hair than he used to and considerably more sensitive skin, and had almost resulted in bloodshed except for Dean's quick thinking in moving the weapons to the car beforehand.
Sam had definitely not seen the funny side on that one.
That was no excuse mind you for him messing with the Impala. Dean was seriously regretting teaching Sam one or two things under the hood, since when his baby began to make horrible spluttering noises before dying completely he'd been the one not seeing the funny side.
Especially when Sam had waited for him to discover the unattached lead and reattach it, just as he turned over the engine. The resulting electric shock wasn't enough to do any real damage but it had sure as hell stung.
Dean had silently fumed about that one all the way to the next motel, once he'd actually deigned to turn round and pick Sam up from the side of the road, and he'd decided that since his brother had strayed into the forbidden territory of the Impala that this retaliation was going to have to be especially humiliating.
And he had just the idea.
Sam had just finished showering and was getting dressed when he heard Dean yell for help. It was so convincing that he hadn't even stopped to get dressed, sprinting across the room in just his boxers and yanking open the motel room door. He'd scanned the parking lot urgently, looking for the danger, when suddenly two things occurred to him.
One was that the door had just clicked shut behind him, and he hadn't picked up the key. The other was that his brother was in fact on the other side of the parking lot, seemingly not in any danger after all, but instead looking at Sam with a huge grin on his face.
Sam looked down at himself and then back at Dean, feeling his face grow hot.
"Dean, give me the key." he hissed, as loudly as was possible without actually drawing attention to himself.
Unfortunately it was loud enough for the couple just coming out of their room two doors down to turn and look at him. He tried to look nonchalant, a feat not easy given his current state of undress.
They both stared for a second before the guy put his arm round the woman in a protective manner and hurried her away, shooting Sam evil looks over his shoulder as he did so.
It was official. His brother was so dead.
"Dean, give me the damn keys!"
Dean put a hand behind his ear and looked innocent.
"What was that? I'm sorry, Sam, I can't hear you – why don't you come over here and repeat that?"
Sam weighed up his options and decided that since he couldn't spend the rest of his life hovering by the motel room in just his shorts, and since his brother was clearly a total ass, he was going to have to bite the bullet.
Dean was so going to pay for this one.
To say Sam was surprised when Dean turned and ran just as he almost reached him was an understatement. He could only stare, open mouthed, for a second before his brain kicked in and sent him sprinting after him. Dean's running skills were severely hampered by the fact that he was laughing harder every time he got a glimpse of Sam pelting along behind him in just his shorts with a murderous look on his face.
The times you didn't have a camera.
It was for this reason that he ducked into a side garden, aware that if he didn't get some air into his lungs soon he was going to pass out and then Sam really would kill him.
He turned round and backed up against the fence as Sam stalked towards him.
"Now, Sam, be reasonable. How was I to know you were going to come running out in your underwear?"
"Because you waited until I came out the shower before you yelled!"
Dean tried to keep a straight face. Judging from the look Sam was giving him he wasn't being very successful.
"Dean give me the damn keys, now, before I get arrested!" hissed Sam, trying to get near enough to grab them himself while Dean did his best to dodge him.
"Oh come on, it's not like you're totally naked or anything."
"Yes, because that would have probably required both me and my deputy."
The voice came from behind Sam and they both froze. Dean peered round his brother, looking straight into the face of a rather amused looking guy in a Sheriff's uniform.
Four hours later Bobby stared at them, his gaze flicking from one to the other.
"So one of you two knuckleheads wanna tell me exactly what the hell happened here?"
Dean stepped in first.
"He started it."
"I did not!"
"Oh, yeah you did!"
The exasperated yell made them both jump and they turned to face Bobby again, looking for all the world like a pair of kids in trouble rather than the skilled hunters they were supposed to be. It was a look that wasn't helped by the ill fitting clothes Sam was wearing, taken from the jail's lost and found.
Bobby had a horrible feeling that somewhere, John was laughing.
"I swear if someone doesn't explain things to me in the next ten seconds I'm gonna go back in there and tell the Sheriff that I don't have any nephews after all."
Sam opened his mouth but Dean elbowed him, earning himself a glare.
"It all started when Sam here thought it was hilarious when I got covered in.. In.."
"Sprite snot?" said Sam, with an air of innocent helpfulness.
"I swear to god, you call it that one more time I'm gonna kick your ass, Sam."
Sam looked unimpressed.
"Right, you and who's army, huh?"
"I swear if the two of you don't start acting like the adults you're supposed to be I'm gonna kick both your asses!"
They looked at each other and then back at Bobby.
"Yeah, sorry. But he did start it."
It was Sam's turn to make full use of his elbow this time and Bobby seriously considered just shooting both of them.
"That's enough! Alright, so you got covered in.."
Sam never got to finish the sentence as Dean's hand suddenly clamped firmly over his mouth. Bobby gave them both a look that would have melted lead and Dean removed his hand, silently daring Sam to finish the sentence.
Having some sense of self preservation, Sam shut up.
"You got covered in this 'stuff' and Sam found it funny, and somehow this lead to the two of you being arrested for indecency and disturbing the peace?"
They both nodded.
"Because he started the stupid prank war stuff again!" said Sam indignantly and Dean glared at him.
"Yeah, to get you back! If you'd done your research properly in the first place I wouldn't have got covered in that stuff!"
"And if you picked up a book occasionally maybe you'd have spotted that little fact!"
Bobby massaged his temples, feeling the headache building.
"You know I take it all back, everything I ever said about John. I understand now why the man was always in such a bad mood."
Dean raised his eyebrows and glanced sideways at Sam.
"Did we just get insulted?"
"Yeah, I think we did."
"What got his panties in a twist?"
"Don't tempt me." Bobby retorted. "If you two are quite done? Do you have any idea how dumb this was, getting yourselves arrested for crying out loud? What if they'd run your prints through the system, huh? Or checked their Most Wanted list? Are you trying to get yourselves thrown in jail for the rest of your lives?"
Dean held out his hands.
"Come on, Bobby – they didn't even take our fingerprints, it was just a verbal caution."
"Which means you were lucky, dumb ass!"
"We didn't know this was gonna happen, it was just bad luck that old lady saw us and called the cops." said Sam, unable to let Dean take all the heat even if he was still mad at him for the clothes stunt.
"Right, cos who wouldn't want to call the cops if they saw two guys chasing each other round their garden, one of whom was wearing only his boxer shorts?"
They both looked at each other and then back at Bobby.
"Well when you put it like that," said Dean, a little sheepishly, and Bobby rolled his eyes.
"Alright, here's what's gonna happen. You two are gonna follow me back home and you're gonna stay for the next few days and help me out. And by that I mean you are gonna do anything I tell you to, understand?"
He waited for two answering nods before he continued.
"Ok, and when I think you've done enough to compensate me for having to drop everything and come all the way out here to bail your sorry asses out of jail, not to mention the heart attack I got when the Sheriff called in the first place, then and only then will I let the two of you out on your own again. We clear?"
"Crystal." they said, in unison.
Bobby shook his head. At this rate he'd be lucky if he had any hair left in twelve months time. He really was starting to feel a certain sympathy for John, along with a strong urge to kick his ass for leaving him to deal with these two on his own.
"Alright. Get back to your motel room, Sam get some proper clothes on, and the pair of you come straight home. I'll be timing you." he warned and they both nodded.
With one final exasperated look Bobby turned and walked towards his own car, shaking his head and muttering under his breath as he went. Dean nudged Sam and they started to walk back to the motel, which fortunately was only just round the corner.
"You think he'll have calmed down by the time we get there?" said Dean as they walked and Sam gave him a disbelieving look.
"What do you think?"
"Yeah, that's what I thought. You know he really should learn to relax. It can't be good for him getting that wound up at his age."
"Oh please let me be there when you point that out to him."
Dean shook his head.
"Do I look stupid enough to say it to his face?"
Sam said nothing.
As they reached the motel parking lot he nudged Dean with his shoulder.
"You know he's got a point – it wasn't the smartest thing we've ever done, getting arrested."
"Hey, that old woman overreacted totally. We weren't doing any harm."
Sam raised his eyebrows.
"We were running round her garden yelling at each other and I was half dressed, Dean. You can't blame her for being a little concerned."
"Yeah, well, I still say she overreacted. Anyway, it's done so no point going over it. We just need to get back in Bobby's good books and get on to the next job. Assuming he ever lets out of the house again." said Dean, unlocking the door.
Sam followed him in, shutting the door behind them.
"So this prank war thing – we're done, right?" he said and Dean looked at him, seeming to consider the question.
He held his hands up, stopping Sam before he could get into full rant mode.
"Ok, ok – we're done. Cross my heart." he said and Sam gave him a sceptical look.
"You'd better mean that, Dean. We get arrested again I don't think Bobby will come and bail us out a second time."
Dean had to admit Sam had a point there.
"I do mean it. We'll call this one even, ok?"
Sam rolled his eyes but nodded, knowing it was easier to give in.
"If you say so."
As Sam went to get changed out of the borrowed clothes Dean grinned to himself.
"Until next time, anyway."