Thanks to all of you for the wonderful reviews! (And, no Pheebs, you don't get extra points for giving me the same review twice.) Also, much love to the 'Hermione Granger fan club' for the great reviews! You guys made my day! Now, it's the moment you've all been waiting for! You now have on your screen the last chapter of 'The Gender Issue'! (And you thought I would just leave you hanging . . .) I warn you, though, I was pretty preoccupied when I wrote this, so it ties up all the loose ends pretty quickly (*sigh*). Oh well, read and try to enjoy as much as possible!

A/N: JK Rowling owns all of these wonderful characters. Well, now Warner Bros. owns them too. (Don't ask me to explain. I don't get it either.) And I think I got the idea for the 'name tag gag' off of a personal experience. (Er . . . don't ask.)


THE 'GENTER' ISSUE
CHAPTER THREE: 'FRED & GEORGE TO THE RESCUE!'

Harry had been sitting in the Gryffindor common room for hours until Ron and Hermione came back, their arms full of spell books from the library. They both apologised to Harry for acting so childish and agreed to work together as a team. For the first time all day, Harry smiled. He was relieved that his friends' battles were over and done with.

The three Gryffindors then started to go through the library books, searching for a spell to get Ron and Hermione back into their own bodies.

"This is no use," said Ron angrily, closing his fifteenth text. "All the spells in this book have to do with pineapples. Who on earth would want to make a pineapple tap-dance?"

"I wouldn't mind. It would be a great conversation piece at all the parties . . ."

Fred and George Weasley had just stepped through the portrait hole. They both had identical smiles on their faces and seemed to be hiding something behind their backs.

"Please tell me you've found a way to switch them back." Harry said hopefully.

"Er . . . not exactly . . ." confessed George.

"But we have solved the identity crisis." Fred said, apparently very pleased with himself.

"Taa Daa!"

With absolute flourish, the Weasley twins branshed two name-tags. One read: 'HELLO, MY NAME IS HERMIONE' and the other read: 'HELLO, MY NAME IS RON'. They stuck the tags onto the two very unamused Gryffindors.

"Won't people just think that they switched name tags?" asked Harry, raising an eyebrow.

Fred and George exchanged slow glances.

"Er . . . good point . . ."

"We really didn't think of that problem . . . ."

"Brilliant!!" Hermione screeched, jumping up from the book she had been sifting through.

"See," Fred said smugly, elbowing Harry. "Even Hermione thinks it's a good idea."

"No, no! Not that! This!" Hermione pointed to a passage in her book. "I've found a way to switch Ron and I back!"

"Hermione, I could kiss you!" Ron jumped up and down with excitement.

"Not if I get to her first!" Harry joined Ron in a little victory dance.

"Woah, woah. Simmer down you two. Nobody's starting a love fest until it works." George turned to Hermione. "It will work, right?"

"It seems easy enough. Look here," Hermione point to a passage in her book. "It says: 'To reverse the personally switching curse, one must re-enact the spell exactly twenty-four hours later, (same time, same place, and by the same person) or be doomed to be stuck in each other's bodies permanently.'"

There was a long pause as Hermione and Ron exchanged long, worried looks.

"All right, then!" Harry had to break the silence. "Now, all we have to do is wait until tonight. About, what time? One in the morning?"

"It was more like twelve forty-five." Ron said quietly. "I should know. I was staring at the clock all night, waiting for my detention to end . . ."

"We'll clear all the stragglers out." Fred said, elbowing his twin. "We've been working on a proto-type . . . ."

"Why do I suddenly feel a dark cloud of impending doom coming over us?" asked Hermione, shaking Ron's head in complete disgust.

"Yes, that always seems to happen to our friends." commented George. "Odd, isn't it?"

"Okay, Okay." Harry got everyone's attention. "Tonight, right here, twelve forty-five. Everyone got it?"

Ron and Hermione nodded in agreement as the Weasley twins gave Harry an over-enthusiastic solute and marched off. As everyone dispersed their separate ways, Harry, who was finally feeling positive for the first time all night, folded his hands behind his head, leaned back into his chair, and closed his eyes with a smile on his face.

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"Harry Potter . . . . Heeelllllloooo . . . . Earth to Harry . . . ."

Harry opened his eyes. Slowly, a grinning, freckly face came into focus.

"Fred, geroff . . ." Harry grumbled, pushing the Weasley twin away.

"Love you too, sunshine." Fred cooed sarcastically.

"What . . . what time is it?" Harry asked, stifling a yawn.

"Twelve forty-three. On the dot."

"That's just corking . . ." Harry lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

Ron in Hermione's body was in the chair next to him, trying desperately not to nod off. George was on the floor, thoroughly engrossed in a big, leather bound book called 'Pineapple Prestidigitation'. Hermione in Ron's body was nervously pacing around the common room, flicking her wand and mouthing wordlessly. Harry took in a deep breath, along with the faint smell of dungbombs.

"Are you ready Hermione?" Harry asked, getting out of his seat and stretching.

Hermione slowly nodded Ron's head.

"Okay, people. It's twelve forty-five." announced Fred. "Go for it."

Hermione walked towards the fire-place as Ron got up out of his chair. They exchanged quick glances. Hermione raised her wand.

"Genditola." She said.

Nothing happened.

"Genditola!" Hermione said again, this time more forcefully.

Still, nothing happened.

"What am I doing wrong?!" Hermione squealed, waving her wand wildly. "It's the right spell and everything . . ."

"Thirty-five seconds . . ." Fred warned, looking at his watch.

"Come on, Hermione!" wailed Ron. "I couldn't stand being stuck in your body!"

"Wait! Wait! She has to sneeze!" screamed Harry. "Hermione sneezed when she said that spell!"

"I can't sneeze on purpose!"

"Twenty seconds . . ."

"I've got it!" George suddenly stood up and took something out of his pocket. "Okay, Hermione, breath in!"

George threw something onto the ground. It exploded and soon filled the air with a thick smoke. Harry's eyes began to water. He heard Hermione try the spell again.

"GEND - A . . . A . . . ACH . . . ACHOO!"

Bright purple sparks filled the room, clearing away all the smoke. There was a sudden flash and two large thumps as Ron and Hermione fell to the ground.

Harry rubbed his now blood-shot eyes and stumbled over to his friends.

"Ron? Hermione? Are you okay?" he croaked.

The two Gryffindors groaned and started coughing.

"Well, did we do it, then?"

Fred and George made their way over to the fireplace. Their eyes were red and watery, in yet they were still grinning like maniacs.

"Don't know yet." said Harry. "Help me get them up."

The person in Ron's body groaned as his brothers and Harry raised him into a chair.

"I feel like I've been hit by the knight bus . . ." The-person-in-Ron's-body muttered.

"Ron?" Harry asked hopefully. "Is that you?"

"'Course it's me." mumbled Ron. "Who else would it - wait a moment . . . It IS me! I back in my old body!"

Ron started feeling his face and looked down at his own robes.

"Oh, God, I'm back to myself! No more Hermione's body. No more long hair. No more tampons -"

"Er . . . that's quite enough." Fred interrupted, his face twisting into a grimace. "I really don't want to hear about that . . ."

Ron ignored his brother. "How about Hermione? She's okay too, right?"

As if in response, Hermione coughed and slowly opened her eyes.

"Oh . . . . my head . . ." she mumbled, rubbing her temples.

"The good news is that it is your own head." Ron leaned over Hermione, smiling ear to ear.

"For once, I wish it wasn't" Hermione winced, still holding her face. "Does anyone have any aspirin?"

Ron raised an eyebrow, "Aspirin?"

"It's sort of a Muggle headache cure charm." explained Harry, as he helped his friend to her feet. "Sorry, Hermione. I finished mine up this morning. I found out that friends cause a lot of migraines."

"Yes, well, I'm going off to sleep in my own bed and my own body . . . Finally. G'night, all." Hermione stumbled up the stairs to the girls' dorm.

"I think she's got the right idea." Fred yawned.

"Oh yeah. And we've got Quidditch practice tomorrow morning," George groaned. "Which means Oliver Wood's face is going to be the first thing we see when we wake up."

"Scary . . ." Fred commented as he and George made their way to the boys' dorm rooms.

Ron shook his head and snickered.

"Seeing Wood at two in the morning is hardly something to laugh at," said Harry.

"No, no. Not that." Ron smiled, "I just remembered about the . . . er . . . surprise I left for Hermione in her bed when I got bitter at her this morning. Remember that proto-type Fred and George mentioned?"

Harry raised and eyebrow. "That can't be good . . ."

"ROOOONNN!!!"

A loud scream suddenly sounded from the girls' dormitory. The two boys exchanged quick grins and ran like hell up to the safety of their own bedrooms. Harry had the feeling that he'd be needing a lot more aspirin in the near future . . . .








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Yes, yes . . . I know. The last chapter totally bombed the rest of the story, didn't it? Well, at least Fred and George were in it again. . . . (*sigh*). Like I said before I was pretty preoccupied when I wrote this. Between school work, and my two new stories: Harry Potter and the Gem of Grogonous (which is, at the time, a whopping 310 pages! The sad thing is that I'm only half done with it.) and my new pride and joy Marauder's story, 'Party Animals' (The first chapter will be up soon, I promise . . .) I pretty much rushed though 'The Gender Issue'. Sorry guys. Well, keep a look out for 'Party Animals' and 'The Gem of Grogonous'. They'll be coming soon to a computer screen near you!

PS: I'm also thinking about doing a sequel to this story. How about 'The Gender Issue 2: The Last Insult'? (I like the sound of that . . .) Tell me what you think!