Pessimistic Love Letters
I should have known. It's not like a didn't know. Becuase I did. Knew it for so long, but kept it inside. It wasn't like there was anything I could do with it. Is it my fault I love you so much?
I can't convey any of it with flowery words. You would think I was lying. I can't tell you a fraction of how I feel. But I can assure you, I'm trying.
When you're sad, I'm broken. When you're happy, I'm on top of the world. All I want to do is keep you by my side. But even that it denied to me.
Did you know, that when I was first born, I sat in the deepest darkest depths of your mind. And whenever I looked up, I saw a light. Do you know what that light was king? It was you. You're so beautiful, that I was drawn to you. I wanted to swallow you up and keep you with me forever.
Did you know king, that when I was first born, I looked like an average hollow? I saw you, I loved you, I adored you. And I wanted to be like you. So I changed myself, so that I was you're inverted mirror. I tried to be like you, look like you, love everyone the way you did. But I had no one to practice on. My skills fell to waste.
I've wandered through you memories countless times. I've found myself watching you, smiling, with that woman. Somehow I grew jealous of that woman. How much you loved her, how you smiled at her. The way you called her name. I tried the sound out on my own tongue. It sounded wrong. 'Mother'
you never noticed how I looked at you. Is it because there's something wrong with you? Or is it me? It's always been me, hasn't it? You never see it, you don't care for it, I try to show it to you, but you throw it away. Is it because I disgust you, king? Is it the way I look, talk act? Cause I'd change myself in an instant. I really would.
But what difference does it make? Would you even notice? I hope you would. Because even if you don't love me, I love you... I guess... I think... I'm pretty sure.
Pretty sure I love you, I don't quite hate you, I'm obsessed with you. I want to swallow you up. I love watching you, I wish I could hold you, your voice is so strong and sure, yet you're so weak and helpless.
I notice all this. But what do you know about me? I long to have you ask. But I guess you think you know everything.
That's okay king, it really is.
If you're wondering why I'm telling you this, when you're so busy with other things, it's because I wanted to stop running away. I guess I act brave, but I'm a hollow, therefore, I'm a coward. Just wanted you to know, just in case.
I don't believe in love, but I try. I don't want to see you sad, and I don't want to see you cry. I want to keep you by my side so you'll forever be mine. But you don't like the thought, so I'm satisfied with just trying.
I can't show you how I feel. You still wouldn't get it. You still wouldn't understand. I'm trying I really am.
Shiro ripped up the letter into tiny pieces, opening his fist and letting them blow freely around King's endless world.