Warnings: Crack, cabin fever
Characters: Sasuke, Tsunade
Sasuke Uchiha was many things. He was a shinobi, a prodigy, the lone survivor of his clan. He was the prized student, experiment and killer of Orochimaru. He had eliminated Deidara of Akatsuki and avenged his clan by killing Itachi and the lunatic Madara. His name was a synonym for fear in over three different nations and he had a particularly hefty bounty on his head. He had been a one-time traitor and was now largely reformed.
He was also deathly bored.
Sasuke, in his brilliance, had finally come back home to Konoha with Hebi, this time to stay. The council had thrown a fit, of course, but he argued that eliminating four S-ranked, crazy missing nin and sparing an entire army was more than enough proof that he wasn't a lost cause. His former and new teammates went to bat for him and after many consecutive days in debate, Sasuke finally was allowed to rejoin the ranks of Konoha citizens with Hebi at his side.
There were, unfortunately, a few stipulations. He was barred from leaving the city for a period of no less than three years, he would only be able to receive D-ranked missions within the city, and ANBU were to keep a fixed eye on him whenever he left his house. Most of these, he could live with, since the members of Hebi were largely forced to suffer with him – Juugo being the lone exception, as he was being treated at the hospital.
One stipulation, however, was threatening to drive him mad from sheer boredom – they had barred him from training for the period of no less than a year, six months if he behaved himself.
The first month was not so bad. Sasuke was able to bury himself in repairing his parent's house in the Uchiha district and getting his affairs together. Karin had gotten herself on a more stable birth control pill (one that was not prone to freakish mutation or psychosis, as most of Kabuto's medications were) and it mellowed her right out into a thoroughly more tolerable person. Suigetsu had been attempting to figure out how to best display his collection of acquired blades and Juugo was making some headway with the doctors regarding his condition. Every day, they assembled for lunch, ten minutes after Juugo's scheduled appointment, order their meals and, by the time the food arrived, the berserker would join them via Tsunade or Sakura's express air service.
Halfway through the second month, Sasuke was beginning to get bored. Construction was not his forte – it never had been, even as a genin – and he was sick to death of dust and painting. He wanted to fight. He was a shinobi, damn it, not a bricklayer!
Still, he tried to muddle through. After all, he'd waited a long time to get strong enough to face his brother, so behaving himself for six months should have been really easy. Then again, he'd still been able to let off steam by training during all that time and now he was denied that luxury. And so, his temper got worse and worse, until finally both Karin and Suigetsu decided it was safer to crash elsewhere in town, lest their moody team leader strangle them for getting paint on the floor or something equally silly. The break from their presence helped a little, but Sasuke was running out of stuff he could do to keep himself occupied.
Finally, five and a half weeks into his probationary period, Sasuke had absolutely had enough. He was going to train or someone was going to die – he had no idea who, but he was feeling up to smashing in the face of just about anyone who looked at him funny and the ANBU seemed like they might be a good place to start.
Sasuke marched out to the training grounds, in full gear, and started to warm up. As expected, it was hardly long before someone was dispatched to deal with him and he couldn't be happier! He needed a fight, now! He needed to beat the ever-loving crap out of someone, craved it, relished it, even.
He did not, however, expect the Godaime herself to show up.
"And just what do you think you're doing, young man?" Tsunade asked sharply, in a tone that clearly gave him the impression she thought he was a little kid.
"I'm training, Hokage-sama," Sasuke replied, rolling his eyes and going back to stretching.
"Oh, no you're not," Tsunade said, marching up to him. "You're on probation, brat. And if you ever want to get off probation, you will go back to your house immediately."
Sasuke frowned – she was treating him like he was some grounded brat! Oh, that tore it, he was sick and tired of being babied! He was a dangerous individual, damn it! "I will not go back to my house, Hokage-sama."
"You'll go back to your house, kid, before I lose my temper," Tsunade threatened, cracking her knuckles.
Sasuke stretched, feeling the vertebrae in his neck loosen, and then slipped into a fighting stance. He could take her. He could totally kick her ass and it would be awesome. Hell, he'd beaten Orochimaru and the hag was asking for a fight.
Tsunade sighed, sitting down on a stump. "You're making a mistake, kid."
He launched forward, prepared to evade her fists and go for a quick strike –
The Godaime caught him by the arm and used his momentum to smash him face-first into the ground, tug him back up, flip him over and drop him across her lap. "You know, Mister Uchiha, you're a real spoiled brat," she said, a particularly wry tone coloring her voice. "And since you insist upon acting like a child, I think you need to be treated like one. I think I'll start by giving you a firm spanking."
At that, Sasuke's eyes widened in alarm.
Tsunade smiled in glee and drew back a chakra-enhanced hand.
AN: A SPANKING, A SPANKING! I was bored and Sasuke needed it. For some reason, he's been my chewtoy of late. Anyway, yeah - age and experience (treachery) triumphs over youth and vigor. Go Tsunade!
...Hey, does this count as shipping? Yea or nay?