Disclaimer: Ichigo likes Pudding. I like Ichigo-- but Ichi belongs to pudding OTL. Bleach doesn't really matter 8D *SHOT*

Authors Note: Omg 200+ Reviews and an UPDATE WOW! LOL LOOK GAIZ I ARE NOT FAILURE?! *SHOTSHOTSHOT By angry reviewers* DX I AM SO SORRY FOR DELAY!

Warnings: Not editted since you guys deserve this so I might edit this again. Again my apologies!


Kuso Gaki!

Gin knew he was treading on thin ice-

He knew what he was getting into ever since and probably even before he bent over to whisper his interesting tidbit of information into Ichigo's ear. He knew he was exploiting something that the others had absolutely no power over (both the angry Grimmjow and the naïve Ichigo). He saw the reactions coming from a mile away when Grimmjow flailed around for a moment battling his first reaction to strangle Ichigo and the knowledge that he would die if he did so. And, of course, Gin definitely saw the punch Grimmjow was reeling back to throw. Deep down inside, the sensible part of Gin knew that he deserved the nose shattering punch that was coming right at him.

And that was the exact reason why he moved out of the way.

Gin knew he was treading on thin ice but.. at least the pond was shallow.

"Bastard!" The shout was accented with a very satisfying crack, Grimmjow was however disappointed to notice that the source of the beautiful noise was not Gin's nose and rather the strange podium that a certain carrot topped nuisance sat on. A tiny whimper was all the warning the blue haired man got before the child was bawling at the top of his tiny little lungs. What? He did a double take: he hadn't even hit the kid!

"Stop crying!" Grimmjow winced as the wail began to border on a shriek. He clamped his hands over his ears and even Gin seemed to be a bit set off by the pitch the small creature was reaching. "Stop! I didn't even hit you, you stupid idiot!"

"Ohhh~ Grimmjow made Ichigo cry. Oh dear, whatever-oof! Shall we do?" Gin exaggerated the catch that Grimmjow threw. He set the chair down and sat on it before tilting his head so the measuring kit flew over his shoulder. When Grimmjow finally ran out of things to throw Gin commented casually, picking at the non existent dirt beneath his nails, "Ya' know, maybe you should've let me finish Souske-san's task befor' yeh' went on destroyin' an' throwin' all my tools." He grinned, " 'Course it's not my problem if Aizen gets mad cuz' poor little Ichibrat isn't properly cared for..."

Grimmjow huffed, his shoulders heaving from anger rather than exhaustion. Through gritted teeth and deafened ears, he grinded out with narrowed eyes, "Then go ahead and fix it."

"Oh! But my poor back," Gin patted his back with a huge, exaggerated, fake groan, "Poor uncle Gin has been workin' all day, and this evil little kitty is tellin' him to pick up the things that he threw! Oh, Ichigo, isn't kitty so mean?"

Ichigo nodded vigorously and scampered off the podium to cling to Gin's robes, the fluffy towel around his waist threatening to drop. He stuck out his lower lip and sniffled pathetically and Grimmjow sneered. What a weak, stupid pathetic creature Ichigo had turned into, or rather, it was just more pronounced. The thought caused him to leer and as a result caused Ichigo to start hiccupping with little sobs once more.

"Oh, won't ya' go pick up the stuff little kitty? My back hurts so much!" Grimmjow swallowed the insult dancing on his tongue and ground his teeth together angrily before he went to do the fox's bidding.

He swore that this would be the last time he would be humiliated again. The blue haired man was looking forward to the next attack against the real world. The thoughts of brutally decapitating and obliterating a helpless Shinigami comforted him.

But of course, Lady Karma had other thoughts.

"Who would have that I'd see the day that the "mighty" Grimmjow Jaggerjaques reduced to common household chores?" a slow deliberate voice noted. Each syllable relished and delivered to have maximum impact. Who else could it have been but-

"Szayel fucking Aporro Grantz. What the hell do you want?"

"Maa, maa. No need to get angry. I haven't come to taunt." Szayel's smile could have meant anything, "I've come with your list of duties that Aizen-sama has approved of. Because of your, hm, "new" responsibility you have been taken off of the active battalion,"

"What?!"

Szayel raised the clipboard to protect himself from the spittle that flew from Grimmjow's mouth. Rabies, perhaps? He peeked nonchalantly over the edge and nodded to himself. The symptoms suggested something along those lines…

"Ah, don't worry. If you do your duty correctly then you'll be able to get back into the action," Szayel explained with distaste. Sure fighting was a thrill (it was embedded into every hollow's instincts) but he much rather preferred the company of his slaves and his laboratory to that of smelly, sweaty and bloody men. Of course… It would be a different story if he were fighting side by side with the famous Halibel… He let that thought drift a bit before he continued, "Now here's the list, I assume you know how to read? No, no I'll spare you and read it myself…"

As the Szayel rattled off the list of what Grimmjow had to do, Gin and Ichigo watched from their little corner. Gin's smile widened considerably while Grimmjow's look of disbelief and confusion deepened. It was no question that the battle hearty Sexta would have absolutely no idea how to care for Ichigo if left alone. And he emphasized left alone.

"Ne, ne Uncle Gin. What's a "bath"?"

Gin chortled quietly and answered with a noncommittal noise before he hurried Ichigo back to the podium with his tools. "It's time to put ya' into some fitting cloths, Ichi-kun. Now what design will suit ya' best…?" Gin's eyes opened a fraction and gazed at the odd duo behind him (Each task that Szayel casually prattled off seemed to increase the invisible weight on Grimmjow's shoulders) and he grinned.

"I know the perfect little thing to put ya' in, Ichi-kun…"

"… and last but not the least, you'll have to obviously protect the boy from the other Arrancar and Hollow. Any questions?"

"Questions…" Grimmjow echoed faintly, the next hundred chores flitting around his head. How exactly was he supposed to do this? Why, out of all the Espada, no of all the damned Arrancar was he supposed to do this?

"Oh!" the chirp of delight, interrupted Grimmjow's thoughts as Gin clapped, already having finished his tailoring while Szayel had been instructing.

"..What the hell…?!"

Ichigo blinked before smiling widely, clapping his hands together before patting his exposed belly, "I look like kitty!" The boy then frowned, expression twisting into serious thought, "..my tummy is cold…" mood still quite somber the brown eyed boy looked up to the twitching sexta, "Is kitty cold?"

"Grimm-jaw! Not—kitty you godamned—no no—oh jeeze- do ya' Flood or something you emo boy?! Stop Cryin'!"

"Oh dear.." Gin smiled widely and picked the sniveling child up, "Are you completely sure that Grimmjow is the right guardian for this boy? Already making 'im cry n' everything..~" Grimmjow blinked at Gin's sudden sympathy his feeling of relief overshadowing his suspicion, maybe it hadn't been set in stone—maybe he didn't have to care for this dirty snot faced brat.

"I mean.. Grimmjow obviously doesn't want to,"

True, true, he'd rather face off with his fellow Espada and Shinigami captains than take care of this shrunken shadow of his rival.

"And that's not the fact that he shouldn't—I mean.. Already making the poor boy cry- He's obviously... inadequate."

--What? Said inadequate Arrancar took in a deep steadying breath, trying to calm his boiling blood--

"—wouldn't it be much better an' safer—not to mention better to let someone else take care of him..? Saay… Ulquiorra for example~"

"--"

Szayel blinked before suddenly smiling in what seemed like agreement, tossing a perfectly groomed pink lock out of his face, "My—that is an idea isn't it? Not only would Ulquiorra finish the task and carry it out word by word but we wouldn't have to worry about Grimmjow completely screwing up again hmm~?"

"--"

"Yes yes, Grimmjow-chan has already failed so many times while Ulquiorra hasn't a single blemish on his perfect record~"

The two smiling men beamed at each other over the hunched and trembling Grimmjow, expressions perfectly innocent and honest.

"—Give me that!" Grimmjow hissed, straightening up in wounded pride. No way in hell was he going to be compared to Ulquiorra and give that damn green panda another thing to gloat over with his stupid silence! The sexta reached out, grabbing the squealing boy before storming out of the room, voice bitter and angry, "just you damn see! I won't lose to him!"

Silence followed the angry Espada's exit.

"Very well played~"

"Why thank you~ Ya weren't so bad yourself~"


Author's Note:

Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry Sorry OTL

I deserve a brick to the face.

I thank those who reviewed me and sent emails asking me to update after a year passed by-- I was touched really and that's why I updated, I'm glad you guys still care about this hunk of letters. I love you all x3

Ichigo: It's about time this was updated!

Grimmjow: No fuck?

Ichigo: HEY! Wanna go you damned Hollow?!

Grimmjow: Bring it on you little brat! Ha!

Gin: H-Hey now guys~ Let's not try an' break the authoress agai--

CRUNCH

Gin: -n... *sighs*

Szayel: ..You two really are one and the same-

Grimmjow: SHUT UP!

Ichigo: SHUT UP!

Grimmjow: Don't copy me you ichiBRAT!

Szayel: -mutters- We're out of screentime...

Gin: Don't forget ta' review~