Hark's (guilty) Ouran High School Host Club Assessment

Hark's (guilty) Ouran High School Host Club Assessment.

Yuki Black, researcher for Harkness and Jones was sent to Ouran High School to gather information for a Featurette for Fingers on Lips. She was unimpressed by that she stated in her notes as their "fickle, fake attitudes"

Yuki Black sat back on the couch and sighed, She hadn't eaten cake that divine in a long time, if ever. Her iced tea, mango, of course, almost glistened in her china tea cup. She subtly readjusted the material in her t-shirt over her stomach, already feeling the tonnes of sugar surging through her body.

Tamaki smiled at her like he was made of marshmallows and cream, with melting chocolate eyes. Yuki noted his hands especially. An embarrassing contract to her own, they were perfect. His nails were all of an equal length, filed to the state of a hand model's. He had skin like the best cosmetic in the world sold moisturizer exclusively to him and long, thin fingers just as a pianist should. "Even his hands wreak wealth," Yuki internally scowled.

His attentive, even pleasing attitude however, with its polar self centred, vain opposite was, to colloquially put it, shitting her. But she was trying her best to give him the benefit of the doubt.

An awkward silence was creeping up, so in an attempt to rekindle conversation, Yuki pulled out her favourite topic.

"So, Tamaki, what sort of music do you like?"

Tamaki leaned forward, his eyes glistening with charisma.

"I like whatever music sings harmonies to your ears."

Yuki bit back her annoyance,

"The Arctic Monkeys?"

He nodded his head dripping with honey.


He nodded again, lifting a hand and lightly brushing a whisp of hair off her face. His hand lingered on her chi, making her feel uncomfortable.


Tamaki's fingers slipped under her chin, tilting her head up towards her.

"I like," he said, pausing for effect, "that you like them."

"That's it!" Yuki pushed a stunned Tamaki away, standing up angrily.

"I was promised a truthful interview with all 6 of you and all I've received is the annoying act. You give other what they want, don't you have real lives of your own or is that all you are, your act?

"Tamaki, grow a spin. 'I like what you like' passes in Mills and Boons, but give me something I can work from and then we can have an actual conversation.

"Kaoru, Hikaru" she said, individually, and correctly, identifying them "The whole incest brother act? It's so gross. Come on, incest?

"Hunny, I know 5 years olds with more sense than you. The act is cute but it gets old really quickly.

"And Kyoya? The whole extensive knowledge thing is a bit creepy. Stalker creepy.

"I mean you're all intelligent, very attractive guys but there must be more to you than this. Don't you feel? Tell me there's more then the façade."

Time waited for the boys to catch up. After the longest, shocked moment, Kyoya asked.

"And Mori?"

Yuki turned to face him and put her hands up in defence. "I have no criticisms for Mori. He's the most honest. Although, I wish you'd take your shirt off."

Yuki tried to mask her grin and walked out of the third Music room of Ouran High School.

" 'We request your attendance at the Ouran High School Host Club, today, at pm for afternoon tea and improvements.' "

Yuki rolled over to see her alarm clock glaring 5:52 am back at her. "Has Kyoya got no sense of time or short hand?" she sighed, clumsily plonking her mobile back on the bed side table of her hotel room. "Well, I have been summoned."

When Yuki arrived, the room was empty except for Kyoya who greeted her at the door.

"You've certainly given us all something to chew on, Miss Black."

Yuki grinned sheepishly. "I get a little carried away sometimes, I apologise. And I do understand the nature of your host club. I just craved less pretence for all of you and I couldn't get it."

"We appreciate that, but our duty as hosts is to host, so we would like the opportunity to prove you wrong. I, for starters, would like to ask you what your favourite colour is."

Yuki smiled. "It's yellow. And yours?"

Kyoya smiled in return, "It seems we have something in common. If you'll just excuse me for one moment."

He returned moments later with the Hunny, Kaoru, Hikaru and Tamaki.

Honey bounded up, his childish glee beaming from him.

"I do prefer cake to spicy foods, Yu-chan, but I got full marks on my last maths test and I want to study pure mathematics when I grow up."

Yuki laughed, and tipped her head in thanks.

"We can be apart," said Hikaru.

"And act separately," added Kaoru. "For instance, if we were to dance, I'd take you for a jive." He said, grabbing her hands and swinging her around her spacious room. Hikaru stopped them, gracefully holding out his hand and bowing. Yuki reluctantly took it. "I, however, would take you for a waltz."

Yuki didn't think she could smile any wider.

"And besides," Hikaru said, letting her hands go and bowing. She returned with a curtsey. "I'd rather play brothers with Kyoya." He said, sliding over and taking Kyoya's hand seductively. Yuki laughed, covering her hands with her face at the sight.

Tamaki stepped forward, and for the first time, Yuki could see honesty bursting from him,

"My music taste? I love Gershwin, he's one of my greatest idols and I love challenging myself yo play his piano pieces. I haven't a clue who the cold chimps, or whoever are but…" Tamaki leaned in and whispered guiltily "I adore Abba." Yuki laughed.

She looked at among the Ouran Boys "Well, thank you very much but…. Where's Mori?" she asked, suddenly realising they were one short.

"Here." His deep voice came from behind her.

He quietly strode up to them, his face as unreadable as ever, looking strong and serious. And his shirt was, very noticeably, off.

Yuki couldn't keep the grin from her face, "Well, this was definitely worth coming back for."

Tamaki, Kyoya, Kaoru, Hikaru, Hunny, Mori