Jones: This fic was written as a get-well pressie for one of our friends who had to get her teeth out... Eeek. In fact, let this be dedicated to anyone who has ever had to get their teeth out. (then me and Hark can be included in our own dedication, fueling our narcissitc needs!)

Her only request was that it include a taser gun and Gwack tension. I could have gone in a VERY different direction (in the immortal words of the Todd- "In your endo!") but instead I went with an Easter theme for this was written over Easter.

Reviews are like tiny clumps of sunshine.


It was huge. Ianto couldn't help staring- his eyes were drawn to it as his mind tried to rationalize the unbelievable. As Ianto analyzed every inch of it, he couldn't help but think of his own in juxtaposition. His was so much smaller and less grand. That's not to say that his had any less value, it was just so….

Maybe he was over exaggerating. It wasn't that much bigger. But it was slightly larger and that was what annoyed him. Not that he let that show on his face. Nor would he voice his opinions.

So what if the Easter egg Jack had given Gwen was bigger than the one he had given Ianto? It meant nothing.

"Jack! Thank you so much!" Gwen shrieked in happiness, wrapping her arms around the Captain.

Of course she would also thank him before Ianto got the chance. Ianto didn't have any ill feelings towards Gwen and the rare moments where negative thoughts crossed his mind he tried to block them out, using the fact that Jack was his and not Gwen's as reassurance. Sometimes however, like on this particular occasion, the possession of Jack was open for argument. Jack was a 51st century man of course. How Ianto had even snagged his attention was beyond him. Why Gwen Cooper also merited some of that attention infuriated him.

As Gwen left the conference room, leaving him and Jack alone, Ianto froze on the spot. He knew it was petty to think that the seriousness of their relationship was symbolized through Easter eggs. He knew that to even draw any attention to it was extremely childish. But it nagged at him like a loose thread, like an itch that was impossible to scratch- like another cliqued analogy that lingered on the forefront of his mind.

That was why all Jack received in way of thanks for his gift, despite the suggestive grin Ianto was receiving from across the room, was a quick smile and a nod.

"Must get back to re-cataloguing the artifacts in the archives." Ianto informed Jack, smiling kindly and feigning ignorance to Jack's apparent disappointment.

"Sure," Jack answered, trying his hardest not to look confused, "See you after you've finished?"

"Perhaps, sir." Ianto answered quickly, turning with the Easter egg grasped in his hands and leaving Jack just as puzzled as Ianto was at himself.


"I just can't believe you sometimes, Owen!"

"I think my reasons make my actions completely justifiable."

"Come off it! What 'reasons' did you have exactly for using a taser gun on my stack of Easter eggs?!"

"I thought they were a nest of alien eggs! You shouldn't leave things like that at your workstation!"

Ianto listened to Tosh end the argument with an exasperated groan. He was surprised that Tosh didn't see Owen's real motives for obliterating the Easter eggs, it was quite obvious to anyone who knew his current health status.

It saddened him to think that Owen could never participate in the Easter chocolate devouring competition again, which too often ended in Suzie eating too much chocolate and Ianto supplying the cherry Alka Seltzer. Not that they did the competition more than once. How could they continue the tradition of a murderer?

Ianto pushed the memories from his mind, emerging from the alcove that led to the archives.

Perhaps Tosh had thought ahead and came to the same realization as Ianto and was arguing just to keep a level of normalcy about the place?

Holidays tended to lead Ianto to over analyze everything and leave him feeling empty. He really should have stayed in bed. Too late for regrets now.

He made a beeline for the cogged door, glancing over at Jack's office and hearing the rustling of paper beckoning him inside. He reconsidered the cold shoulder he was currently giving Jack while he was in the archives, realizing both his stupidity and Jack's innocence.

He was fine with the entire situation

He didn't care at all.

Which was why he left without a word to Jack, picking up the Easter egg on the way out of the tourist office.


Why a 'Monty Python' marathon was being shown on Easter didn't really add up save the 'Life of Brian's faint connection to the story of Jesus, but Ianto let go of his preconceptions and sat down with a cup of tea to watch the black knight get hacked to tiny pieces. He frowned as his mind wandered to make a parallel between the black knight being decimated and his relationship with Jack.

He switched off the television, searching the room for something to really take his mind off things. Reading probably wouldn't do it, cooking would just remind him of chocolate and sleeping would only lead to dreams. So in the hopelessness of the situation Ianto did something he didn't do often. He acted impulsively, snatching a bottle of whiskey from his alcohol cupboard.


Jack was less than impressed with the silent disappearance of his tight suited tea boy that afternoon. He was also equally unhappy when the phone call to question this strange departure was left unanswered.

So as to relieve this sadness and with the hopes of finding a different type of relief, Jack knocked on the door to Ianto's apartment, hands clasped anxiously behind his back.

After analyzing every inch of the wooden door in the amount of time it took for the source of the various noises of life from behind the door (including a thump followed by the exclamation of "shit!" and some rather heavy footsteps) to realize that Jack was even there, Jack was feeling quite a bit more confused.

It was a touch unlike Ianto to not be completely organized. Then again it was also very un-Ianto to be completely drunk- which was why the unkempt sight and strong, alcoholic scent of the man who ripped open the door was entirely foreign to him.

Jack stared at Ianto's messy hair and half unbuttoned, alcohol stained, pink shirt, unsure whether to laugh or cry. Thankfully, his body made the difficult decision for him as he let out a stifled chuckle, putting his hand to his mouth to keep him from laughing all the air out of his lungs. Unfortunately, Ianto didn't seem to share in his amusement, making a move to shut the door in his face.

"Hey-" Jack put a hand on the quickly shutting door, halting its progress and staring at Ianto skeptically. Ianto glared at him, huffing and walking back into the apartment and plonking himself on the couch. He stared forward at the wall, eyes not moving from the spot when Jack shut the door and crossed the room to stand in front of him.

"Ianto," Jack asked, still smiling slightly, "Is something wrong?"

Ianto's eyes narrowed as he crossed his arms.

"Nothing."

"So you just wanted to shut the door on me on a whim?"

"Yes."

Jack sat down next to Ianto on the couch, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"Is this about the Easter eggs?"

Ianto's shoulder jerked away from Jack's hand.

"No, Jack," Ianto said, words laced in sarcasm, "Nothing is wrong in the world. Nothing is wrong with us. Now just push off and go stand on some rooftops-"

"-So it is about the Easter eggs….. I thought this might've been a problem, you're so critical sometimes…."

For the first time since his arrival Jack's eyes were granted the presence of Ianto's, save that they were now glaring at him with the ferocity of an insulted owner.

"Yes, I'm so bloody critical, aren't I," Ianto spat, standing from the couch and stumbling as he turned to glare down at Jack, "And I've got absolutely no reason in the world to be critical of anything do I, Captain?"

Jack looked unswayed by his words, gesturing for the Easter egg sitting on the coffee table.

"Ianto, pick up the Easter egg."

"No."

"Pick it up."

"Get stuffed, sir."

Jack sighed, reaching for the Easter egg and unwrapping the fuchsia foil. He held the perfect, chocolate Easter egg out to Ianto.

"Take a bite."

"No."

"Just put it in your mouth and take a bite!"

"That's not the first nor the last time I shall decline that offer."

Jack bit into the Easter egg angrily, grabbing hold of Ianto's arm and yanking him down to sit on the couch. Before Ianto could protest, Jack grabbed his hand, opening it out and holding the Easter egg above it. Ianto stared at him bewildered as Jack smiled at him knowingly.

Jack tipped the Easter egg up, Ianto watching as hundreds of colourful dots fell out of the hole in the egg that Jack had made. Ianto cupped his hand, looking closely at the dots and realizing that they were tiny, multi-coloured, hard coated, chocolate stopwatches- each with their own hand ticking away and buzzing at different intervals. He looked up at Jack, who had placed the egg on the table and was now staring at it blankly.

"The only reason her's was bigger was because it was filled with nothing." Jack explained, "There is a lot more to your Easter egg than meets the eye."

Jack turned to look at Ianto who was now smiling at the tiny stopwatches in his hand.

"But how did you make these?" Ianto asked amazed, "They're so intricate and I don't think I've ever seen a mechanical grade of chocolate."

"A guy owed me a favor."

Ianto eyed Jack suspiciously.

"Okay, an alien chocolate artist owed me a favor."

Ianto continued to stare at Jack, a smile playing across his lips.

"Alright! An alien chocolate artist who had the hots for me owed me a favour!"

"You, Captain Jack Harkness, are incredulous."

"Yeah, well at least I'm not drunk over a bit of chocolate," Jack joked before looking at Ianto closely, "Only you seem a whole lot more coherent now-"

Ianto blushed, staring at his feet. He reached down underneath the couch to retrieve a rather large, rather empty whiskey bottle.

"I kinda.." Ianto began, the intellectual Welshman suddenly lost for words, "I never actually drank anything. I was trying to open the bottle and spilled it all over myself."

Jack laughed as the embarrassed lightweight sunk into his seat, holding the bottle up in mock defense. Jack smirked at Ianto, before eyeing the bedroom door.

"Let's see what I can do about ridding your body of some of that alcohol, shall I?"


As the sun pierced through the curtains of Ianto's bedroom Jack glanced from the sleeping man clutching his chest to his mobile phone sitting on the night stand. It had taken him awhile to realize why Ianto was annoyed at him the previous day and he felt a stab of guilt for not realizing his mistake earlier. He just hoped that his text to Gwen to take home her Easter egg had reached her in time. He couldn't bare to see the look on Ianto's face if he had to clean up tiny, roaring chocolate weevils from her workstation.