I was in the shower when it hit me

Okay, this is my first attempt at a fanfic and I have no idea how it turned out. Well, hopefully it's not crap anyways :)

Sorry if something is wrong as far as grammar goes. English is not my native language. (Probably scared of some readers right there)

Aaaaand, I'm not a genius, so naturally I do not own Twilight. I think we all know who does.

I know you love me

I don't know why I suddenly realized it. Maybe I was tired, maybe I had eaten too much, maybe I was simply nuts. All I knew, all I cared about, was that he could be leaving, and I had to stop him.

I was in the shower when it hit me. First it was just a small flashback, a little memory that escaped my well sealed mental cages, an unwelcome thought from that time. The time when he wasn't here.

I had these "flashbacks" every now and then, but this one was particularly strong. I could almost feel the hole that once filled my chest – the hole he'd made with his absence. I didn't blame him of course, I would never ever blame him – he had just done what he thought was best for me.

He would never do that again. No, he had told me. He tried to do the right thing, but it turned out to be all wrong. He couldn't have known, and lets be fair, it probably would have worked if I hadn't been mental and hopelessly obsessed with him. He'd realized it didn't work, and he was never going to leave me again. It would only hurt us both. Who was I kidding? It would kill us both. At least me.

He'd told me the only reason he could leave me now, was if I left him. Just the thought was absurd. Me, leaving the core of my world? Sure, very likely. He would have to search long to find even the tiniest bit of reason to why- … or maybe he didn't.


What if he thought I loved Jacob? I mean more than I loved him? It was true; I did love Jacob, but not even near enough to actually choose him over the reason for breathing, for existing. But was there a possibility that he would doubt me? I knew the answer already. He'd seen me that night after I'd said goodbye to Jacob. He had held me when I cried. He had reason.

By now I was hyperventilating. He could be leaving right now! I had to get out of the hot water, I had to tell him. Maybe last time I saw him, about twenty minutes ago, was really the very last time? Tears started to roll down my cheeks. What if he was already gone? Gone. The pain pierced though me. I couldn't breathe. But I had to tell him. If there was any chance he was still here, I had to tell him.

I got dressed in a panicky daze, not seeing or caring what I put on. I stumbled to my room, my vision blurry by tears. I wrenched the door out of my way and… he was there. He sat on my bed where I'd left him, his beautiful features turning shocked and confused as he took in my appearance.

"Bella? What-"

"I love you," I sobbed. "I love you so much."

He was at my side before I had even finished. "Bella, what's wrong?" His voice was thick with concern.

I tried to say more, but it was very hard to form words through the tears and the panic. "I love you," I choked out again.

Suddenly I was in his arms, and he was rocking me slowly. I was gripping his shirt, holding on to it with all my strength, making sure he would stay. He had to stay.

He kissed my forehead and whispered, "Calm down Bella, it's okay."

His voice and his sweet sent was intoxicating and calmed me slightly, and for a moment I forgot why I was crying so hard. Then I looked in to his beautiful, confused eyes trough the blur of tears, and they made it impossible not to recall. "I love you," I repeated desperately. "You can't leave."

His eyebrows knotted together. "I'm not leaving. Bella, I'll never leave again. Never." He pulled me closer and ran his nose along my jaw. "I love you."

No. He didn't get it. That wasn't the point. I knew he loved me! It was the other way around I was concerned about.

"But if you thought I didn't love you!" I cried into his chest. "I love you," I repeated for emphasize.

Suddenly he seemed to realize what I was trying to tell him, because he smiled slightly and started to kiss away my tears. "Shhh, Bella, shhh. I know you love me," he mumbled against my skin.

Suddenly everything slowed down. My fingers, still desperately grasping a fistful of his shirt, relaxed a little. I took a deep, unsteady breath. "You do?" I asked in a thick voice.

"Yes, silly girl," he said, pulling my hair from my face, "I know you love me." I looked into his eyes, again squinting through the tears; they were warm gold. I relaxed a little. He held me, if possible, even tighter to his chest, and I buried my face in the crock of his neck, breathing in the sent of him. He whispered sweet words of no meaning in my ear.

I took another deep breath and slowly let go of his shirt, until I only held a small flap of it between the tips of my fingers. I fingered with it hesitatingly.

"You're staying?" The panic was starting to fade, but I needed to be sure.

He kissed my hair, and then his lips creased my jaw. "Forever," he whispered, his lips close to my ear, his breath tickled my neck. I sighed in contentment. He started to hum my lullaby.

My fingers left his shirt completely, only to trace his perfect jaw line. He smiled down at me, his eyes soft. My ragged breathing slowly evened out, leaving me completely exhausted. That was okay though, I could afford to close my eyes. He was staying.

"Sleep my Bella" he said against my forehead. "I'll be here when you wake up."

"Promise?" I mumbled incoherently.

"Promise." I could hear a smile in his voice. He stroked my hair, playing with the ends as he reached them.

"I love you," I sighed.

He chuckled, "I know." He kissed my temple, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on my arm. "I love you too, my silly girl."

I smiled and drifted towards unconsciousness, his velvet humming in my ear.

Tell me what you think!