A/N: I'm a little hesitant about posting this, but what the heck. It's my first ever try at Life with Derek and am little proud of it. Lizwin and Dasey are my ultimate favorite couples right now, and I don't think it's incest (as they're not blood-related) so it's not that weird for me.
Disclaimer: I own nothing to do with Life With Derek.
I bet you don't even know why I'm writing you. Since we haven't been in contact in over a year and all, but I felt I had to get a few things off my chest (and get your mind OUT of the gutter). I just needed to square a few things with you. Just so we can have closure.
We weren't friends at first, way back when mom and George first got married. We didn't hate each other, but there was a definite rivalry and competitiveness. Who knows, maybe we could have ended up hating each other, but I think Derek and Casey fought so much, that we had no choice but to be allies. Or at least partner's in crime on some occasions.
Then, low-and-behold, we had our joint birthday party. When we were hiding in the games closet, I saw the real you for one of the first time. Not the Derek-clone (and yes, I apologize for calling you a Derek-clone, I know you don't like that) you had been acting like for the past week, but a genuine, nervous, almost 13-year-old. That really shook me up. I was used to thinking of you as a Derek-clone, and now you were different. At least, I had seen a different part of you.
When we danced (albeit, slightly awkwardly) I could see the faint redness of your cheeks. I was certain you could see my face a tomato red. Thankfully, as you told me later, my face was barely a light pink. Sometimes I wonder if Jaime interrupted us because of that. Maybe he could see something between us. But I'm getting off track.
A few years later we went to high school and nothing much had happened to us, except the games closet becoming uncomfortably close when we did happen to meet in there. Derek and Casey left for college, the same one, which surprised mom and George to no ends. Of course we knew why they applied for the same college. We weren't paid to keep the adults distracted so many nights for nothing.
High school was pretty much alright. We were friends, nothing more. You had your popular group of friends and your weekly bimbo (I can see you glaring at this right now) and I had my group of soccer friends. We didn't interact all that much within the school walls, but that was ok. At home we were best friends, something I'm sure the parents were happy about after the feuds between Derek and Casey (or Dasey as we dubbed them one happy, night long ago, I can still remember Derek looking so annoyed that the name was so close to a daisy).
Of course, even though you didn't know at the time, I had a secret crush growing for you all the time. Ever since the party long ago. I couldn't place the feeling that filled me when I saw you with your girlfriends. In fact, at the beginning, I shook the feeling off as jealousy. Not jealousy of your girlfriend, but I thought it was most certainly jealousy of the fact you had a girlfriend and I didn't have anyone like that.
And then came Mark. (still holding a grudge?) You despised him. He helped me fill the void you started (and no, I'm not blaming you in anyway) He wasn't you, but he was a start. But as soon as we became pretty happy, I noticed you changing. You didn't talk to me that much, in or out of school, you completely ignored Mark's existence, and you didn't even have a girlfriend. That did it.
I confronted you about it one night (in our senior year I believe) after Mark had left our house. You looked annoyed the moment I mentioned his name. You were lying on your bed in what was once Derek's room and looking up at me, and I couldn't help but think how good you looked. (now don't go getting a big head or anything) I swallowed the feelings and began lecturing you about politeness and maturity. How not speaking to someone never solved anything. That was the first time you ever yelled at me. (And yes, I do forgive you) You started yelling about how I never knew how hard things were when your friend was dating someone. I noticed, with some pleasure, that you didn't call me your sister.
I was very confused by that and demanded you tell me what was wrong with Mark. You stood up and looked down at me with a look of annoyance and some strangled emotion written on your face. Before I knew what to do, you were kissing me.
And that, I suppose, was history. I broke up with Mark, we kept a secret relationship, like Derek and Casey, and before graduation applied to the same college, like our siblings before us. I suppose we thought along the lines of, it worked for them, so why not us?
When we got accepted we continued our relationship until our second-to-last year of college. I was so happy then. I'm pretty sure you were too. We were best friends, girlfriend and boyfriend, and step-siblings. Our college was in a completely different state and no one knew that we were step-siblings. There was no need to hide our relationship. Our relationship was public, except to our parents. Derek and Casey knew, and I'm starting to wonder if Marti knew too. But anyway.
I was confident. Derek and Casey were engaged, and I was pretty sure we'd end up happy too.
Then the bomb fell. Our being step-siblings somehow leaked out. I'm still not sure who told or how they found out. We faced ridicule and even some disgust. You stayed proud, not caring what people said, holding my hand as we walked past the whispers, while I wished I could disappear. Not from you, just from all the staring peers.
I'm sorry I never told you what happened after that. I went to a café one night, just to catch up on my studying. You were at a late night lecture, I believe. You see, at the café, I was cornered by several classmates. They wanted to make sure I knew how wrong our relationship was. At first I tuned them out, I mean, we weren't blood related, it wasn't incest. And you and I were happy.
After a while, they started saying things that seemed to make sense. They asked if our parents even knew. If our siblings knew. I guess the insecurity that had lived in a dark corner of my brain came out then. I started wondering if what we were doing was gross and wrong. (and I utterly apologize for that)
And you know what happened after that. About a week later, I packed my bags and left to stay with Casey for a while. I said I needed to see her. You looked so worried about me, and I swear I felt lower than I ever had right then. I left to my sister and step-brother's apartment and didn't come back. I didn't tell Derek or Casey why I had come, but they didn't ask too many questions. But I could see them glancing at each other when they thought I wasn't looking.
I went back to college a month later. I knew you had been frantic about me, but I guessed Casey or Derek had told you to give me time. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure you would have been at their doorstep in less than 48 hours.
When you came to see me in my dormitory, I did the thing I regret over everything. I broke up with you. I decided that I didn't want to keep secrets anymore, and somehow in my insecure mind I believed that no one would ever support us. You looked heart broken, but smiled (very shakily) and said that if that's what I wanted then you'd support me. You kissed me on the forehead and left. And that night I cried.
We avoided most contact after that. Christmas's spent back at the MacDonald-Venturi (Venturi-MacDonald, I can see you thinking) house were agonizingly awkward, with Casey and Derek trying to get us back together. Well, probably Casey forced Derek too, but it was nice that they cared.
It's been over three years since we left college and about one year since we've had any contact what-so-ever. Christmas, I was too busy to go home, and Easter, you couldn't make it. So the point of this whole lecture is to say I'm sorry. I know you probably don't care much anymore, but I am sorry. You're probably sitting, reading this and shaking your head; thinking that it was my fault that we broke up. Yes it was.
I feel especially bad now, because mom and George are ecstatic over Derek and Casey's baby, and after some adjustment have accepted them as a couple. Their wedding is in a couple weeks, and it should be great.
I'll let you go now. I just want you to know that I always have, and always will love you. As a brother, best friend and then more. So, see you in a few weeks at our sibling's wedding. I hope this hasn't freaked you out to much.
With a slightly shaky finger, I moved the mouse to click send. I had read through the email about 7 times, first deciding to delete it, then send it, then delete and so on. I still wasn't certain that I should send it.
He had probably moved on, and didn't want to be reminded of a relationship with his step-sister. On the other hand, he deserved to know.
I sighed and with a forceful click, I hit send.
A/N: Well? What's the verdict? It was just something I was playing with. I hope it's alright.