I Believe In A Thing Called Love
Author's Note: I do not own Batman I do not own this I do not own that blah blah blah. Yadda yadda yadda. Man that's boring. Alright so book 2! Excited? You should be. I am!
"So Harley's throwing Eddie a party huh?" Selina asked.
"Yeah it's a happy you broke out of Arkham party," Ivy replied with a laugh.
"Sounds ridiculous," Harvey grumbled from behind his newspaper.
"It does but it's at the Iceberg and it's an open bar. Harley's paying for the whole shebang," Ivy explained.
"I'm in," Selina said.
"Us too," Harvey added.
"Figured as much."
Selina's phone started to vibrate across the kitchen counter. She picked it up and looked at the caller ID. "Restricted? I wonder who this is." She flipped the phone open, "Hello."
"Selina please don't hang up," Bruce said quickly.
She growled and snapped the phone closed. "He's getting tricky, calling with a blocked number."
"It's been months and he's still calling. Maybe you should give him a chance," Ivy tried.
"Harvey's made you soft. The old Ivy would tell me to rip his eyes out," Selina joked.
"You've become hard. The old Selina would've at least heard him out," Ivy argued.
"Hiroshima, the sequel," Harvey muttered to himself.
"Maybe I have become hard. So what? I don't need to be hurt again," Selina said.
"I don't need to be here for this," Harvey thought.
"Not everyone is out to hurt you!" Ivy cried.
"Oh yeah, the whole world is out for you. That's really mature!" Ivy said sarcastically.
"It's like you've switched personalities," Harvey said aloud.
"Did I ask your opinion?" Ivy snapped at him.
"No, no you didn't," he replied getting up.
"Where are you going?" Selina asked.
"Out. Call me when you're done fighting." He walked out the door with his paper, strolled over to Robinson Park, and continued to read.
"Fighting?" Ivy asked in confusion.
"Yeah, who's fighting?"
"She hung up on you again?" Dick asked.
"Yeah," Bruce replied. He buried his face in his hands.
"Maybe you should move on," Dick offered.
"I met Barbra's new boyfriend. His name is Chip. He's a tennis pro," Bruce said.
"What kind of a name is Chip? That's a food!" Dick grumbled.
"Maybe you should move on," Bruce mocked.
"You're supposed to be my dad," Dick said in a fake hurt tone.
"I was thinking of going to the Iceberg tonight," Bruce said.
"That has nothing to do with what we were talking about," Dick replied.
"Maybe if she sees me she'll want to talk," Bruce continued.
"You're not even listening to me anymore are you?" Dick asked.
"And if she's not there maybe Harley will be and I can talk to her. She believes in true love and all that. She'll help me."
"You're supposed to throw Harley Quinn in Arkham! Not ask her to help you get back with Selina. Did you forget who you are?" Dick cried.
"Batman is supposed to throw Harley in Arkham. Tonight I'm going to be Bruce Wayne. He has no problem with Harley. Actually, Bruce Wayne finds Harley to be quite entertaining."
"Yeah, Tim told me about the backless dress," Dick joked.
"You want to come?" Bruce asked.
"Watch you beg Selina Kyle to come back to you or possibly Harley Quinn for help while Poison Ivy and Twoface make out in the corner and Joker falls off a bar stool? Hell yeah!"
Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson walked into the Iceberg Lounge around 7:30 pm. Bruce thought the place would be like usual, slightly busy but not overcrowded. That was not the case. There was a party going on tonight and it was in full swing.
"Wow," Dick said as he looked around. "This place is great."
Bruce spotted Holly and grabbed her arm. "What's going on tonight?"
"Hi hon," she said. "Harley's throwing a 'Happy You Broke Out of Arkham' party for Eddie. The whole rogue's gallery is here and it's an open bar. Even Joker's here."
"Harley paid for an open bar?" Bruce asked.
"That's what everyone thinks but actually Eddie did it. Harley was just going to have a small dinner party but Eddie said they should do it up right. I think he's got something up his sleeve," Holly explained.
"This is insane," Dick said in disbelief.
"Who's your friend?" Holly asked.
"Holly!" Penguin yelled from a corner somewhere.
"This is Dick Grayson. Dick this is Holly," Bruce said.
"Yeah I hear you!" she yelled back. "Gotta run but I'll catch up with you two in a bit."
"She's the one with the Riddler crush right?" Dick asked.
"Yeah. Let's find Harley and Eddie and then grab a seat," Bruce replied.
Bruce and Dick wandered toward the bar hoping Harley would be up there.
"Brucie!" Joker exclaimed clapping Bruce on the shoulder.
"Brucie?" Dick whispered.
Bruce sighed and faked a smile. "Hey Joker. How's it going?"
"Better. Arkham really helped you know? I didn't have to see Harley and I think I can move on," Joker explained.
"Maybe I should give Arkham a try," Bruce replied.
"It's healing for the soul I tell you what," Joker laughed.
Bruce was actually glad to hear that laugh. Depressed sad Joker was more terrifying than any other Joker he'd seen. "Well I'm happy for you. But you'll have to excuse us. We need to say hi to the host and hostess of this gathering."
"You and the Joker huh?" Dick asked.
"By the end of the night he will have your number and you'll be wearing his shirt. Its how it works on this side of the mirror," Bruce explained.
"Just keep an eye on your drink," he replied. "I see Nigma."
"Hey Eddie!" Bruce cried.
Edward Nigma turned around and yelled, "Bruce!"
"How you been? Oh by the way this is Dick. Dick this is Eddie and…where's Harley?"
"Over at Ivy's booth. Girl talk you know," Eddie replied. "Nice to meet you Dick."
"Do I need to watch my back or is Selina not here?" Bruce asked.
"She's sitting at my usual table with Alice," Eddie said.
"Alice?" Bruce asked.
"She's Holly's sister. Just moved to town and boy is she a looker. Blonde and blue," Eddie explained.
"I'm waiting for Jervis to get here. He'll go nutso for her," Eddie joked.
"Let me know when he arrives. I'm going to go say hi to Harley."
"You won't believe who I just talked to," Joker said as he pulled a chair up to Selina and Alice's table.
"Who?" Alice asked.
"Bruce Wayne," Joker replied.
"He's here?" Selina asked in disbelief.
"With a little friend of his, Dick something."
"Grayson," Selina told him. "He's like his son. I can't believe he's here. Who invited him?" Selina growled.
"I don't think Eddie did and I'm positive Harley didn't. Oswald maybe. You know how he likes to get those socialites in here," Joker said.
"Bastard," Selina mumbled.
"What are you going to do?" Alice asked.
"I'll figure it out when I see him," Selina replied.
"Think fast because Harley's dragging him this way," Joker told her.
"I want you to meet Alice. She's a sweetheart," Harley said. "And we want her to feel like a part of the circle so she'll feel more comfortable when Jervis get's here. We're hoping the rogue crush runs in the family," she whispered.
Selina bit her lip. She had to do something and she had to do it fast. She looked at Joker and he looked at her. He could see her plan in her eyes. He started to back his chair up from the table but it was too late. Selina had hold of the lapels on his jacket and she was pulling him in. She pressed her lips against his forcefully and managed to part them enough so she could stick her tongue in his mouth.
At first Joker panicked and looked to Alice for help but after a second he realized it was useless and gave in. He placed his hands on Selina's hips and pulled her onto his lap. Now she was startled and slightly panicked.
"Dick, I know you've met Selina and Joker but have you ever met them when they were conjoined at the face?" Harley asked.
"This night just gets better and better," Dick said. "Just when you say to yourself, 'No. No it can't get any crazier' it does."
Bruce cleared his throat.
Selina pulled her lips off Joker and smiled. "Hi."
"Hi," he replied.
"Boys, this is Alice. Alice meet Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson," Harley said. Her eyes were wide yet she wasn't looking at anybody. She was in a state of shock. "I need to go tell Red something." She turned around and ran to Ivy's booth.
"Pleasure to meet you Alice," Bruce said.
"Same," Dick added.
"So you and Joker huh?" Bruce asked turning his full attention to Selina. "Good for you."
"Brucie, don't let this come between us!" Joker begged.
"I'm ok with this. I'm more than ok with this. I am excited for you! HELL! I'LL THROW YOU A WEDDING!!" Bruce exclaimed flailing his arms.
"He broke," Dick joked.
"I'M GOING TO GET A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAIGNE TO CELEBRATE!" Bruce cried as he turned to run for the bar.
"Really nice meeting you Alice, Selina good to see you and Joker," Dick paused, "congrats."
"And she was on his lap with her tongue down his throat!" Harley cried.
Harvey spit his drink out onto the table and cringed.
"I think I'm going to be sick," Ivy said holding her stomach.
"Me too," Harley replied. She laid her head on the table and whimpered.
Ivy spotted Selina walking into the bathroom. "Excuse me," she said as she got up and followed her.
Selina put her hands on either side of the sink and stared at herself in the mirror.
"You ok girl?" Ivy asked.
"I kissed Joker and broke Bruce. What do you think?" she replied.
"So alright but not great then?"
"Yeah, pretty much," she said as she turned to face Ivy.
"Harley's not too ok with this whole thing though."
"I know," Selina said guiltily.
"Joker is still a fresh wound," Ivy continued.
"It was him or Alice. I just met her. I don't want to freak her out," Selina joked.
Ivy smiled. "Fair enough. So what is the situation with the Joker?"
"We're not dating if that's what you're wondering. It was just something to make Bruce leave me alone but all it did was fry his brain."
"Fried mine too and I wasn't even there," Ivy joked.
"Can I tell you a secret?" Selina asked.
"Sure," Ivy replied.
"It wasn't bad."
"Seriously?" Ivy asked in disbelief.
"It was actually really good."
"How you boys doing?" Holly asked Bruce and Dick.
"I just saw my ex girlfriend frenching Joker. I need something to erase it from my mind," Bruce told her.
"Ouch. You need the forget me shot," she replied.
"A what?" Dick asked.
Holly pulled a bottle off the shelf and grabbed a double shot glass. "It's whiskey. I call it the forget me shot because it seems to be the shot everyone gets when they want to forget something. I downed three the night Hugo Strange and Roxy Rocket went at it at the bar. And Joker downed the bottle when Harley and Eddie started dating. I'm sure even Batman reaches for the whiskey when he's had a bad night," she explained sliding the shot glass in front of him. "What about you sugar? What are you drinking?" she asked Dick.
"Scotch on the rocks," he replied.
"Man after my own heart," she joked.
Dick smiled at Bruce.
"Go for it," Bruce mumbled.
"Look, Selina, you're great and all," Joker began.
"Save it clown. I'm not into you. I just wanted to show Bruce I'm over him," Selina told him.
"But you aren't over him."
"Keep that to yourself," Selina growled.
Joker raised an eyebrow.
"Just pretend we can stand each other enough to date. It'll drive Bruce crazy."
"You want him to be one of us?" Joker asked.
"Shut up and put your arm around me."
Eddie plopped down next to Bruce and patted his shoulder. "Harley just told me. I'm…I'm so sorry."
Bruce smiled. "I'm feeling pretty good about the whole thing," he slurred.
Eddie noticed the three empty double shot glasses. "Whiskey?"
"Yeah," Holly replied.
"Good choice," Eddie said.
Holly leaned over the bar and whispered into Eddie's ear, "What do you know about Dick Grayson?"
"Not much. Why?" Eddie replied.
"I was wondering if he was single," Holly said turning a bit pink.
"I'll help you out," Eddie promised. He got up from the bar and looked around for the kid. He spotted him standing at Ivy and Harvey's booth chatting. "Be back in a flash." He walked over to the table and threw his arm around Dick's shoulders. "Got a quick question."
"Shoot," Dick told him.
"Are you single?" Eddie asked.
"I thought you loved Harley," Dick said getting a bit uncomfortable.
"What? Oh god no!" Eddie cried dropping his arm. "Holly wants to know. She likes you."
"Oh! Holly," Dick cried in relief.
"There's something wrong with you kid."
"Yeah, I'm single," Dick told him.
"Dick and Holly sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G," Ivy sang.
"How old are you?" Eddie asked.
Ivy stuck her tongue out at him.
"Really mature," Eddie replied. "Where'd the kid go?" he asked.
"The bar," Harvey said pointing to him.
"So this is my number. Don't lose it," Holly said.
"You'd have to pry it from my cold dead fingers," Dick joked.
"Hey Holly, have you seen Jervis?" Eddie asked.
"No, sorry," she replied.
"I want to wait until he gets here but what on earth is he doing?" Eddie mumbled to himself.
"Jervis here yet?" Harley asked bouncing up to the bar.
"Apparently not," Eddie told her.
"Did ya call him?" she asked.
"A couple of minutes ago," Eddie said.
"You are too funny," Alice said as she and Jervis walked up to the bar.
"Thought you didn't see him?" Eddie asked Holly.
"I didn't but it seems my sister did," Holly said in disbelief.
"Holly, why didn't you tell me about him?" Alice asked.
"We were going to introduce you two but apparently it was meant to be," Harley answered.
Eddie grabbed Jervis and pulled him to a corner. "How'd this happen?"
"I walked in and I spotted her automatically. I managed to bump into her and when she told me her name was Alice I almost died. She's perfect Eddie! Perfect!" Jervis cried.
"Have fun," Eddie told him. "But now that you're here I can get this show on the road."
They walked back to the bar and Eddie whispered something to Holly. She laughed and gave him a wink.
"Come with me," Eddie said to Harley as he grabbed her hand and dragged her to the center of the Iceberg.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"You'll see," he replied. Eddie gave Holly a nod and the music suddenly stopped.
The entire bar focused their attention on Eddie and Harley.
Eddie got down on one knee, reached into his pocket and pulled out a small black box. "Harley," he began.
She took a deep breath and smiled as she tried to hold back the tears.
"I love you more than you'll ever know," he continued.
"Oh god. Oh god! OH GOD!" Joker yelled inside his head.
"I know that I'm not perfect,"
"I can't believe this is happening!" Harley squealed inside her head.
"but if you did me the honor of being my wife,"
"This isn't happening," Joker told himself.
"I would do everything in my power to make you happy,"
"I'll kill him!" Joker grumbled.
"and I promise to always be there for you."
"This is crazy," Selina whispered to Joker who was busy ripping his napkin to microscopic pieces.
"Will you marry me?" Eddie asked.
Harley took a deep breath and it seemed like the entire bar did too.
"Say no," Joker begged inside his mind.
"YES!" Harley cried letting the tears fall from her eyes.
"NOOOO!!" Joker bawled. He banged his head against the table repetitively until a gash developed on his forehead and Selina finally grabbed hold of him.
"Damn you clown. You're bleeding," Selina hissed.
"Night night mommy," he said as he fell onto the table.
"Great! Now you're dead. Just great!" she whined. "Let's get you out of here."