Disclaimer 1: I own nothing.
Disclaimer 2: Sexual Harassment is a very bad thing. Really. But my story isn't real.
KN-thanks for the beta and the Elongated Man joke. :D
I'm back. I wish I could announce me return with a wonderful story. Instead you guys get this! I wrote this story a long time ago, but never finished it. Until now. This story is for everyone who has had to sit through EEO and sexual harassment training, where I realized that the Justice League is probably one of the most "unpolitically" correct organizations ever.
The Justice League had recently expanded to include many more members than the original seven, and that brought with it a lot of changes. For the most part, things seemed to run smoothly on missions, but on a personal level, superhero to superhero, the new recruits were having some difficulty relating to each other.
And that was why every single member of the new and improved Justice League had converged on the largest conference room in the Watchtower. The meeting place had four rows of tables, equipped with folding chairs. As that was still not enough to accommodate their number, some chairs lined the back. Every seat was filled, but some people still had to stand. Some were chattering with the others, while others simply kept to themselves.
As for the Founders themselves, they were on a large platform that had been set up at the front of the room and were in chairs facing the audience. As soon as Superman stood up, a hush descended on the crowd.
After clearing his throat, the Man of Steel began to speak. "On behalf of the Justice League's founding members, I would like to thank you for being here today. The Justice League is just like any other organization, and if we expect it to run well, there are always little tune-ups that need to be made. It has come to light that some of you are unhappy with your new co-workers. We have received complaints about inappropriate behavior and unfair treatment in our ranks, and that is not something we take lightly. As a result, we are using this time to discuss the Justice League's policies on diversity and sexual harassment. Without further ado, Wonder Woman will be taking over this seminar."
A few polite claps rang out through the room as Diana stood up. Gone was her normal outfit. Today, she appeared before them in a smart gray pencil skirt paired with a matching, fitted blazer. It was held closed with two buttons, and inside was a light blue oxford shirt. Her feet were adorned with a pair of stylish black pointed-toe stilettos, which made her as tall as Batman and Superman. Her hair was pulled back in a tight bun, and to complete the picture, she even held a pointer in her hand to help her with the presentation Batman had helped her create.
In a voice loud enough to fill the cavernous space, she asked, "What is diversity?"
She was met with silence, broken up by the occasional cough. No one raised their hands to answer, though many looked around to see if someone would be brave enough to offer a reply.
Diana firmly reminded them, "The longer you take to answer, the slower this seminar will go. You will be here for at least the next two hours, and that's with things moving along at a reasonable pace."
Cowed into submission, a few superheroes raised their hands. "Yes, Booster Gold."
"I think it might be, though I'm not completely sure, that diversity is differences among people."
"What kind of differences?"
"Oh, you know…things like race…," Booster seemed to run out of ideas, but was aided by others chiming in.
Having received enough answers, Wonder Woman raised her hands for quiet just as someone blurted out "Sex!"
This elicited a few laughs from more than one costumed person, but the smiles on their faces quickly turned to a deathly pallor when Diana stared down each and every person who had found the outburst amusing.
Diana continued dryly, "As you can see, there are many things that make us different from one another. And when we work together, our different experiences, talents, powers, and personalities ensure that we are fully able to meet the needs of the world. So we have two different things that seem to be opposites thriving with each other: Unity and Diversity. Now while we are all different from each other, there are many things that we have in common. For our first activity, I want the rows of tables to break up into separate groups and write down three things that you all have in common. Then, I will choose one person from each group to read what you have come up with. Flash will now pass out the supplies."
Less than a second later, the paper and pens were distributed. All the Founders began to circulate around the room, waiting for the others to begin.
Ten minutes later, Diana called them to order. From the platform, she called up the first group leader. "Table One, who is your leader?"
Orion stepped out of a crowd that included Elongated Man, B'wana Beast, The Question, and Booster Gold.
"And can you name three things that you have in common?"
"No, we could only find one."
"In ten minutes?"
"I was lucky enough to find even one thing in common with those…people." The way Orion was looking at his group mates, it was clear that, for him, 'people' was a severe overstatement.
Diana was quickly losing her patience. "Well, what is it?"
"We all agree that Harry should be with Hermione instead of Ron."
A loud chorus of boos came from a neighboring table.
Diana motioned for silence. "What? Who?"
Shining Knight provided Wonder Woman with the missing information. "It is in the Harry Potter books, my lady. The young wizard, Master Potter, is friends with Miss Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley. Most people want Hermione and Ron to be together, though. And I must say, I agree."
"So these people are fictional?"
"Yes, the children are characters in book."
"Children? I didn't know you read kid books, Orion."
"You obviously haven't read them before, Wonder Woman, or you wouldn't call them that."
The people around him backed him up. "Yeah, they are mature tales that appeal to all age groups."
Orion shook hands with his table mates, who seemed to become instant friends. Even though it hadn't come in the way she had intended, Diana was thankful for her small victory.
"Ok, moving on. Table Two?"
Green Arrow stood up amongst Captain Marvel, Hawk, Dove, and Captain Atom.
"Hopefully, you have more than three."
"Of course. We're all super heroes. We are all males--"
"I was hoping that you would have something that went a little bit below the surface."
"Well, you haven't heard the last one—we all want to date Black Canary."
"Oh, Hera." Diana muttered under her breath. In a louder voice she said, "That is not deep at all! In fact, it's very shallow."
"You never said anything about depth, you just wanted something that would unify us all. You'd be surprised at how many of us want to date her." Green Arrow appealed to the crowd, "Am I right? Who wants to date Black Canary?"
The hands of nearly all the males in attendance, plus a few females went up in the air. Huntress, who was sitting next to Black Canary, nudged her in the ribs. "Put your hand down."
"What?! I can't help it that I'm hot and that you're jealous."
Seeing that the seminar was quickly running away from her, Diana decided to move on.
"Well, that actually provides the perfect segue to our next topic of discussion: sexual harassment."
There were a few snickers in the audience. Already irritated, Diana snapped. "What's so funny?"
"It's just that you said, 'sex,' and you're, well, you know?"
Huntress provided the answer everyone else was too chicken to say aloud, "A virgin."
"I don't see what difference that makes."
"Of course, you wouldn't." For once, Black Canary nodded her head in agreement with something Helena said.
"In any case, I am sure that one's sexual status does not prevent them from being harassed. Now we are all adults here--"
"Actually, Wonder Woman, Stargirl and Supergirl are still teenagers."
Kara turned bright red in embarrassment, "Kal, you don't have to tell everyone."
Kyle Rayner turned red as well, but for different reasons. "I can't believe she's not an adult. I would never have asked her out on a date. Or kissed her." Elongated Man gave him a commiserating pat on the back. "Don't worry about it, man. I didn't know either."
Stargirl muttered under her breath, "It isn't like she's all that innocent anyway."
Superman's head snapped in his cousin's direction. "What?!"
Supergirl gave Courtney a glare that made even Batman proud.
Diana closed her eyes as the words of the serenity prayer ran through her mind. "Alright, people. Please stay focused. Now who would like to tell me what sexual harassment is?"
"How about I just show you?" B'wana Beast's offer was accompanied by a few cat calls from the audience.
Diana glared at the man in the loin cloth.
"What?! I was just giving you an example."
"Is that the reason you wear that outfit, too?" some unnamed face in the crowd called out.
Ignoring the idiots surrounding her, Diana forged on, though her voice was strained. "Can anyone answer the question? Properly."
Diana picked the first hand that went up. "Yes, Elongated Man?"
"It's a term for when a guy likes a girl, but she doesn't like him back."
"Like when you asked Supergirl for a date, and she turned you down flat?" Diana gave Vigilante the evil eye for his comment. The cowboy cleared his throat in embarrassment, "Begging your pardon, Ma'am."
"No, Elongated Man and Vigilante. That is not sexual harassment. Anyone else want to take a guess?"
It was so quiet in the room, Diana could hear a pin drop.
"Alright, since none of you seem to know anything about anything…" Diana sighed in frustration, then pasted a huge, fake grin on her face. "Let me see if I can help you. The phrase quid pro quo is often associated with sexual harassment. Does anyone know what that means?"
Shining Knight quickly answered, "This for that, fair lady."
Finally, Diana gave a genuine smile. "Thank you, Sir Justin. And the rest of you, what is meant by that?"
"You scratch my back, I scratch yours."
"Good. Now in this case, the scratching is some kind of sexual favor in exchange for something like preferable work assignments or complimentary performance evaluations or any number of things. Does everyone understand?"
"So is that the reason why Flash gets all the cushy assignments?"
Flash interjected in mock indignation, "I'm a founding member. I go where I want to go. And besides who would I ask favors from? Do you see any women on this stage?"
"Other than Wonder Woman?"
Flash sank down into his chair. John, who was sitting next to him, whispered, "Nice going, genius."
By now, Diana's patience was in tatters. "I was going to show a video about inappropriate behavior in the workplace, but it seems to have disappeared. So, I will be doing a demonstration myself. Any volunteers?"
Every male hand in the room was raised except for the Founders. Seeing and dismissing her options, Diana turned around and called on Batman.
He did not seem to appreciate her picking him, but Diana walked over to him. Raising her hand so that no one could see what she was saying, she managed to convince Batman to be her partner.
They stood side by side on the platform as Diana addressed them again. "There are two main categories of harassment: general and sexual. General harassment is verbal or physical conduct that degrades or shows hostility or hatred toward an individual. And it includes the following: abusive words or phrases, slurs or negative stereotyping; threatening, intimidating or hostile acts; put-down jokes; written or graphic material that shows hostility or aversion to an individual or group; derogatory remarks about an individual's religion, national origin, age, etc.; verbal taunting; derogatory gestures."
Flash whispered in Superman's ear, "Sounds like what Batman does to us every day."
"I heard that." Alarmed at Bruce's comment, Wally decided to stop talking and listen to the rest of Diana's lecture.
"The first kind of sexual harassment we will be discussing and demonstrating is that of physical touch. There are, of course, reasonable things one can do, if it is welcome. Perhaps a comforting pat on the back or handshake. However, some physical contact is not proper in any context. For instance, Batman…"
He moved behind her and began to place his hand on her hip when Diana turned to look at him oddly. "No, I will be demonstrating on you."
She knew he was unhappy with this whole scenario to begin with, but now his jaw was clenching overtime. She expected to receive a talking to, but for now, he was letting her have her way, and she was certainly going to take advantage of it. But not for herself. It was all done in service to the Justice League, of course.
She switched places with Bruce and, looking at the crowd from over his shoulder, she began to speak, "Hugging, touching, grabbing, or groping are not allowed." And just in case they didn't know what that was, Diana showed them. First, her hands came around the Dark Knight, wrapping him in a warm embrace from behind. Then those very hands began to move down his chest very slowly, then disappeared somewhere behind his cape, with only the two of them (and those with X-ray vision), knowing where they went.
One or two uncomfortable giggles were released by a few in the crowd, which seemed to lighten everyone up, except for Batman. They all seemed to love the idea of him being put on the spot and manhandled by the Amazon. But Batman didn't seem bothered in the least. He just stood there, as implacable as ever.
"Sexual harassment could also involve invading someone's personal space." With that, Diana's hands magically reappeared from underneath the cape and she walked so that she was facing Batman, her back now to the crowd. Diana moved so that their bodies were almost touching, and was looking deep into the lenses of his cowl, when she next addressed the crowd. "As you can see, I am invading Batman's personal space. It would be very difficult for him to move without him coming into contact with me." She turned to face the crowed and said, "Another type of sexual harassment is attempted or actual kissing."
Her lips brushed against his cheek and worked their way to his mouth. Her hands went back to breaking the no touching and grabbing rule, as Wonder Woman explored Batman's body again. But he stood there stock still, not even moving a finger.
The crowd that had been laughing and making jokes suddenly fell silent as Diana made out with Batman on the stage. The only sound that could be heard was their lips making contact, over and over and over again.
Diana pulled away and turned to face the crowd. "As you can see, an action like that could lead to discomfort in the workplace. Not only for the people involved, but for those who might have to watch."
Nightwing called out from the audience, "Um… I'm not sure I followed; could you show us that again?"
Not needing another invitation, Diana got to it. She grabbed Bruce and placed her lips on his again.
Over the blood rushing through her ears, Diana could hear the faint murmurings of a few in the crowd as she pulled away from Bruce.
"I would kill to be him right now."
Her partner evenly stated, "That can be arranged."
"Now, Batman, you aren't supposed to be threatening people."
"I was just showing him how not to behave. That's why were up here, isn't it?"
"Of course. Moving on. Licking one's lips or eating food or holding items in a provocative way could be found insulting. And sexual teasing is also unacceptable. For example…"
Diana walked behind Batman again and moved her hands to his waist. "Now see the way I am stroking his utility belt. This is especially teasing because of the location of this certain item. And my touching it implies that I want him to take it off, which implies other things. Again, the League does not find this acceptable."
"Comments about a person's body or appearance are not welcome either. I cannot just walk up to Batman and say, 'Is that your batsignal or are you happy to see me.' I also cannot say, 'I love the way your thighs look in those tights.' Or, 'There's nothing more that I would love than to see you wrapped up in my lasso and on my bed.' And I can't make any comments on how big his codpiece is. Or the way his strong jaw is highlighted by his cowl. Does everyone understand this?"
Unfortunately, the males in attendance had tuned out the second she had mentioned her lasso and bed. Diana clapped her hands to get their attention. This seemed to rouse at least one member of the audience, who apparently did not understand Diana. "Does that mean I can't say, 'Batman, has anyone ever told you that you bear a striking resemblance to Elongated Man?'"
"While that is true, it is not appropriate to say that. We will also not tolerate any kind of suggestive sounds like moaning, groaning, grunting, whistling or cat-calls."
When she didn't make any move to demonstrate this last part, Batman spoke up, "They don't know what you are talking about."
"No, we don't!"
"Not at all!"
"Please show us, so that we won't do it."
Knowing that Bruce thought she would be too embarrassed to do something like that, Diana decided to give him the shock of his life. Closing her eyes, she began to make all sorts of noises that no one would have ever expected from the virginal princess. However, she only provided the moaning and groaning. All grunts, whistles, and cat-calls were provided by the audience. Satisfied that she had performed her duty most thoroughly, Diana opened her eyes and winked at the long-suffering Bruce. Then she spun around and began to close the seminar.
"And just to ensure that personal relationships within the Justice League remain professional, we strongly advise that you don't date your coworkers. We hope this meeting was informative and has given you ideas on how to better interact with your teammates." And then Bruce and Diana took their seats.
All the males in the audience were glaring jealously at Batman, while all the women were shocked at the Princess's behavior. No one dared move.
Superman stepped up. His eyes were as wide as a deer caught in the headlights, and in a bewildered voice he said, "Uh…thank you, Wonder Woman and Batman for that very…informative presentation. And thank you all for attending. You are now dismissed. Oh, and don't forget to join us in two weeks for Batman's seminar on Verbal Threats and Physical Abuse in the work place."
As the heroes shuffled out, Booster Gold said to Supergirl, "I wonder what Wonder Woman said that made Batman get up on the stage in the first place."
"She said, 'If you do this for me, I'll do something for you.'"
"Really?! Quid pro quo, my ass."
"So, would you like to go to dinner with me?"
Diana had just entered her quarters when she was alerted that someone wished to gain entrance to her room.
A small smile formed on her face before she said, "Enter."
In a very sarcastic voice, her visitor said, "That was a great presentation, Diana. But I have one question, where did the tape really end up?"
"I don't know what you are talking about."
In less than two seconds, Batman had her pushed against a wall, and his mouth found her neck. "I can see it on your nightstand. Very bad of you."
"Oh, that tape. I must have just missed it."
His lips were still moving against her quickly overheating skin. "You owe me."
"Weren't you at the meeting? There is no quid pro quo."
He looked up to her and gave her a disarming smile. "What about that promise you made to me in exchange for helping you with your presentation?"
"What do you think that whole demonstration on stage was for? Certainly not for me."
"Riiiight. I also seem to remember you saying I'd get something in exchange for that too."
Diana brought her finger to her chin, adopting the thinker's pose. "Funny, I don't recall any promises being made. Perhaps if you took off your mask, it would help me to remember."
As an added bonus, he took off his gloves as well.
"That's a little bit better. I think it's starting to come back to me."
Diana's hands moved to his utility belt, and he got the implication. "That's sexual harassment, Princess, and I don't have to take it."
Diana laughed as she simply lifted him into the air and threw him on her bed. "I don't appreciate you calling me, Princess. I could sue you for that. Now, where's my lasso?"