Note: I used to become even worse than I am now when it comes to writing poems and essays. This is a parody of the way I used to write (and still do, sometimes). Enjoy, and please keep an open mind. Be prepared for the worst literary pieces you can ever find in the FoR ring.

Supposed genre: Humor and General


English and Paint: First Parody


It really wasn't supposed to end up like this.

A very green Mikagami Tokiya tried with great difficulty to get up from his position.

And a very red Fuuko Kirisawa was standing before him, laughing her pretty butt off, long finger pointed at his struggling form.

You're probably wondering why the heck this happened between the two.

Luckily (and perhaps unluckily as well) you're going to find out soon.

Just this late afternoon, you see, our purple-haired heroine tried with great difficulty to create a literary piece for her English class. Miraculously, the ice box with testicles him self agreed to help her (with much physical beatings on his part).

Draft One is as follows:


Giggle and the Boy Scout's Days of Love

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Giggle. Her name is Giggle because she likes to giggle. So her mother named her Giggle. She (Giggle, I mean) liked a Boy Scout. But the Boy Scout did not like her.

Two days later, he started to like Giggle.

In the end (which was three days later), they realized that they loved each other.

Four days later, they got married.

The End.


… So it was no surprise that Mikagami Tokiya wanted to strangle her blue-eyed head off. "Monkey," he said, "are you possibly serious with this? Or perhaps you're pulling off another one of your corny gags at me?"

"Why would I not be serious with this?" she frowned at the paper with the type-written story on it. "Is there something wrong with what I made?"

He glanced at the very much confused girl beside him to confirm if she was joking or not. Seeing that she was very much not jesting, he gave out a sigh. "Perhaps… a longer version would make it better."

"But it's already perfect that way!"

"I'll tell you what," he pinched the flesh in between his eyes, "why don't you… try making an essay? Maybe that would be more your forte."

Her frown deepened. "Okay…"

And so, Draft Two comes along after three long hours:


Global Warming

It is very hot nowadays. Al Gore says that it's because of global warming. Because of global warming, the world is becoming hotter until it becomes very hot. That is why we must stop global warming.

Penguins might die, too, because of global warming. Because it is very hot, their cold homes will probably melt like ice cubes under the hot son.


He had to stop at that sentence. It might be mean to say so, but his head was already throbbing from the number of 'hot' she used.

"I think you meant 'sun' when you wrote 'son' here." He pointed at the last sentence before giving out another sigh. "Try writing a poem. If it weren't for your constant kicking at my" he paused for a while "lower parts, I wouldn't be helping you with this."

She beamed in return. "When there's a will, there's a way."

And so, Draft Three was done after one grueling hour:


Ganko

Ganko is the name of my sister

Blonde is the hair color of her

Even when it's summer

Someday she wants to be a mother

In the winter she will chop some lumber

She doesn't have a lover.


Mikagami Tokiya scratched his head upon reading the 'literary piece.' "Blonde is the hair color of her?" he raised an eyebrow.

Fuuko nodded eagerly. "Poetic license."

Another sigh emanated from his lips. "I'm afraid I can't help you. The library is about to close," he pointed at the round red wall clock at her right side, "and I doubt that you'll be able to finish something decent in less than five minutes."

"But you promised!" she positioned her foot before his male endowment.

"You, monkey, can't persuade me with that anymore. And besides, I can't make miracles."

"What do you mean by that?!"

She tried to kick him, but it was too late. The silver-haired lad abruptly stood up from his seat, attempting to leave the hysterical Kirisawa behind.

The author wishes to emphasize the word 'attempt'.

Alas, Tokiya Mikagami bumped into someone.

And it wasn't a very pleasant bump.

Unfortunately, the person he crashed into was holding a can of green paint above his head.

This leads us to the scene mentioned earlier, with Mikagami sprawled on the floor and Fuuko laughing like a hyena that just spotted its prey, her face turning red with the joyful bursts of mirth.

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After Note: Told you this was a random piece of crap (:D)!