Title: Hermione…the Jedi?
Timeframe: 2006, shortly after Rose Weasley is born
Disclaimer: Harry Potter & its characters don't belong to me. Neither does anything regarding Star Wars. Google, Wookieepedia, and anything regarding the Internet are used as a means to an end.
Summary: Hermione discovers fan fiction and tries her hand at it.
Notes: Written for the April Fool's Challenge 2008 on the DLC...not meant to offend anyone, just a spoof on fanfic :)
Hermione sighed as she settled down on her parent's couch in the family room, holding Rose gently as the baby slept. She came her often nowadays when Ron was at work, even after her postpartum depression was treated, just so she could have some family support. She also felt it gave her something to do since the Ministry all but forced her to take maternity leave, allowing her some time with her daughter.
Her father, when he stayed home with her, would watch some old movies that she used to enjoy, the current one being Star Wars. Oh, how she loved to see the Jedi do flips and tricks with their lightsabers, and she sometimes fantasized about having the ability to use the Force. After all, she could do magic, why couldn't she be a Jedi? If she lived in that galaxy, of course.
She mentioned wanting to know more about the Jedi, and her father hurriedly left the room and came back with something he called a laptop. Hermione stared at it blankly before her father sighed, opened the contraption, and turned it on.
Thus, Hermione was given a brief overview of the Internet, websites, and something called Google. Her head spun as she realized she had been away from the Muggle world for too long, and over the next few days her parents would help her figure out how to find whatever she was looking for as Rose dozed happily in her rocking chair for hours at a time.
Very soon, Hermione was frequenting a site called Wookieepedia (the name always humored her) and from there she discovered something even more powerful:
After two days of reading stories that entranced her, made her laugh, made her cry, and made her cringe with the horrible grammar, Hermione decided to try her hand at becoming a Jedi.
She fed Rose as her mother explained how to write something in a document called Word. Hermione dodged the question of why she needed to write something, and as soon as Rose was burped Hermione began typing. Oh, she was slow at first, but she wasn't the smartest witch for nothing, even regarding Muggle objects. By the next day her fingers were flying over the board as she wrote a wonderful story about how a human named Jane with bushy brown hair and brown eyes went through different adventures on Earth, similar to Hermione's own. While watching Star Wars one day she was magically transported to the Battle of Yavin, where she discovered she had Jedi powers. She ends up jumping in an X-Wing to save Biggs Darklighter, helps keep Darth Vader off of Luke's tail, and ends up as Luke's lover in the end.
Hermione thought it was amazing and was surprised at how awesome her own imagination was. The story itself took a few days to type up since her parents would always come in the room, and she was too embarrassed to tell them what she was doing. A witch, wanting to be a Jedi! It was crazy, and she made sure no one else could open up her story when she went home to Ron at night.
She signed on to the fan fiction site she enjoyed the most, fanfiction .net , deciding her alias (or 'User Name' as the site called it), would be Muggleborn. It was genius, as no normal Muggle would understand; it was her own little secret. It took her about twenty minutes to understand the steps the website wanted her to go through, but finally Hermione's story Jedi Jane was up and ready to be read and reviewed.
About an hour later, Hermione refreshed the page and noticed there were still no reviews. She didn't feel discouraged and waited another hour before refreshing the page. There was still nothing even though her story had been read seven times. Her brows furrowed as she frowned and refreshed the page yet again.
Hermione grunted in exasperation as Rose started to cry, but was glad for the disruption. She fed the baby, burped her, and changed her diaper before going back to the computer and refreshing the page again.
For the next hour, she must have pressed the button about thirty times, and the lack of replies but the increasing number of reads frustrated her to no end. She thought that her writing was terrible and that no one liked the story. Cursing herself and swearing she would never write anything ever again, she hit the refresh button one more time.
She stopped her angry tirade mid-sentence as her jaw dropped. There, at the top of the page, was what she had been wishing for:
Hermione quickly read what this person said and was confused to see that this user called the character Jane a Mary Sue. She looked up the phrase and nodded at the description of what a Mary Sue was. Ah, yes…but that was the point of the story, right?
Soon three other reviews came in, all repeating the Mary Sue thing. One person offered that perhaps Jane shouldn't have been from Earth and not have ended up with Luke. Another said that while the writing was good, the plot wasn't and that perhaps she shouldn't have "used an OC who is most obviously YOU, that Luke would never end up with someone like that, and you don't understand what real fan fic is. 'Jedi Jane' sounds too much like G.I. Jane; you're unoriginal."
Hermione had to look up what an OC was, and was very nervous to read what the last review said.
"This sux, Jane sux, u cant rite stories good and mary sues are stupid. Jedi jane sounds lyke gi jane which is stupid and ur stupid 2."
Hermione's head spun with the horrible grammar but everyone's point was made. She shut down the computer, closed it, and shoved the laptop in her surprised father's hands.
From that day on Hermione was never involved in fan fiction again.