Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ. I don't even own a car.

Brenman: This fic is something I thought up on the bus one day, because I don't have a car. It's about what Chi Chi has to do to make Goku, who is always busy eating or training, have sex with her.

Chi Chis' Sex Problems

Chapter 1: What's a woman to do.

Goku, the earths greatest defender, and his son Goten, the earths greatest set of puppy dog eyes, sat on the banks of one of the many streams that ran near their dome-like house. Gokus' eldest son Gohan, the earths greatest nerd, was inside studying. Gokus' wife Chi Chi, the worlds greatest frying pan wielder, was also inside making dinner.

Goku and his youngest son were watching the clouds drift by in the rapidly darkening sky. The two saiyans pointed out certain clouds that look like identifiable objects. "Look dad," Goten would say, "That one looks like Uncle Vegeta chasing Trunks around the house for stealing his muffin." or Goku would say, "Goten, that one looks like a seventeen course meal. Mmmmmm... Food."

The evening was serene, the sun was getting ready to set off on the horizon. The night was perfectly calm, until...

"GOKU, GOTEN, DINNERS READY." The calm air was rent by the painfully loud one million decibel scream of the harpy demon known as Son Chi Chi. Upon hearing the call of the beast the two Son males ran towards the house at full speed, without transforming into super saiyans. They both reached the house in around 0.000001 seconds.

Chi Chi never bothered to turn around as she told her family to go upstairs and wash up for dinner. She could hear the three sets of feet rush up the stairs and pound into the bathroom. Goku was the first one down to the kitchen. He made his presence known to his black haired wife the only way his food addled mind could come up with. That would be by creating a large puddle of drool on the floor. There was food on every available square inch of the table. the food that wouldn't fit on the table was sitting on the counter. Goku looked longingly at a large vat of rice that was on the table in front of him. Goku positioned himself in front of the rice so he looked like an olympic diver about to make his move. He began bending his knees when...


Goku looked up from his brand new position on the floor to where he was holding the top of his head. Upon closer inspection, and after his vision had cleared up Goku wasn't at all surprised to find his wife standing over his with a 4 foot wide caste iron novelty frying pan that she had found at joke store last week. The frying pan had become a favorite with the Son matriarch as she could use it to not only cook great amounts of food at once, but she could also hit all three son males over the head with it at the same time.

Goku got up off the floor while still massaging the lump that was forming and would be gone by next scene change. But that's beside the point. Goku looked over at his stern faced wife and put on his best set of puppy eyes the same way as Mr. Potato Head would put on a smile. "Aww come on Chi. Just one little bite." Goku pleaded.

Chi Chis' eyes narrowed and she let out a growl, "No Goku, we're waiting until the boys get down here." She scolded her husband, "Where are those two anyway? They should have been down here by now. What's taking them so long?" Chi Chi glanced over at the bottom of the stairs.

Goku opened his mouth fully intending on telling Chi Chi where her 'delinquent' children were. The tall warrior never could get the words out because at that second, one of Gokus' hands, acting on its own accord, chose that chance while Gokus' mouth was open and Chi Chi was looking the other way to grab a couple of rice balls and stuff them in his mouth. Chi Chi turned around scowling to find two of her rice balls disappearing down into the bottomless pit that was otherwise known as her husbands stomach or in certain fast food cashiers circles, the scourge of Mc capsule corp. Legend has it that every Friday the fourteenth, an evil spirit from the under world would come to a Mc Capsule Corp. and eat all the food along with some of the helpless cashiers or even the janitor. That is of course an urban legend and has never been proven.

Chi Chi deepened her growling and started inching towards Goku, who was cowering in the far corner of the kitchen now. Just as Chi Chi was about to attack she was interrupted by a yell from her eldest son at the bottom of the stairs. Chi Chi looked up to find a soaking wet Gohan and a laughing Goten. The youngest Son was running around the living room now being chased by a very angry Gohan, "Hey Gohan. what's the matter? Didn't you like my prank?" Goten yelled over his shoulder.

"Goten," Gohan yelled exasperatedly, he stopped chasing his brother after their two hundredth lap around the couch. "That wasn't a prank Goten. Pranks are supposed to be clever, stealthy, or overly elaborate in some way. Waiting in the bathtub with the shower hose and spraying the next person to walk in to the room in none of those things." Gohan turned away from his brother and walked into the kitchen to get his food before his father ate it all.

-- That night --

Dinner had gone the same as usual, every scrap of food had been eaten messily and quickly, and there had been a small food fight that Chi Chi had to break up when Trunks had flown over all the way from Capsule Corp. just to throw some soup at Goten. That was of course canned soup if you were wondering.

Trunks had been sent home after playing video games (The Adventures of Larry the Bunny Rabbit in Death Land) with Goten for a couple hours and Chi Chi was currently getting in her first relaxing moments of the day. She was curled up in bed with a book (Cooking enough food to feed west city for not very smart people) and a glass of milk. Chi Chi looked up from chapter 3 (Pastas) to see her husband walking into the room. He started pulling off his training clothes before plopping himself on the bed with no sheets. The bed had to have no sheets. There was a very good reason for why the bed had no sheets.

Flash Back

Goku walked into the master bedroom and the first thing he saw was Chi Chi kneeling beside a... Giant Cake with pink icing. Gokus' mouth began to water, it looked so yummy. Goku couldn't hold out any longer, he pounced on the bed the same way a tiger would pounce on an unsuspecting bag of catnip (Strong enough for a Lion, but made for a Kitten).

Chi Chi had to go out and buy a new bed the next day, and take Goku to the hospital to get his stomach pumped. Chi Chi had explained the problem to the doctor, but after a cursory examination they had found that most of the bed had already been digested. It was later posted in the next edition of the West City Science Journal that beds were a high source of Carbs and had such vitamins as; A, B, C, E, and an abundance of Iron. It was found that they really put a spring in your step.

Goku submitted a critique of it in a local newspaper under the saturday food column, and I quote

'It was a bit stale, and didn't have quite the flavor I was expecting, but over all I found it very enjoyable, and given another chance, I would definitely try it again.'

(Recipes for the Giant Pink Mattress Cake can be found in chapter 6 of your 'Cooking enough food to feed west city for not very smart people' along side other great baked delights such as, the ever popular Kitchen Table Cookie.)

End Flash Back

Goku crawled under the sheets and snuggled into the bed. He was all ready to fall asleep when he felt his wife prod him in the back. He turned over to look at her with a quizzical expression on his face. "Yeah Chi?" He asked.

Chi Chi looked at her husband with a hopeful expression on her face. "Goku honey," Chi Chi began in a low husky voice, "What say we stay up a little later tonight." Chi Chi implied to her husband and gave him a little wink.

"But Chi Chi, why would we do that, we have to get up early in the morning and I'm ready to go to bed now." Goku almost whined to his wife. "Chi, is there something wrong with your eye? I thought your supposed to blink them both at once. I've never blinked my eyes separately. At least I don't think I have, But I'm not always looking in the mirror when I blink. Maybe I do blink my eyes separately sometimes. Chi Chi have you ever seen me blink my eyes separately?"

Chi Chi slapped herself in the face and groaned at her husbands childlike innocence. She guessed that she'd have to take this to the next step. "Goku, let's have sex." She demanded while making sure to be as straight forward as possible.

"Aww, I don't know Chi Chi, I'm pretty tired after all my training today and I have to get up extra early tomorrow to do it all over again. You never know when some bad guy is going to come and try to kill all of us." Goku said earnestly to his wife. He then turned over and flicked the lamp off, throwing Chi Chis' scowling face into the dark. "Besides, I don't think that having sex will fix the problem of blinking with only one eye. Maybe..." Goku continued to ramble on to himself far a while before Chi Chi told him to shut his cake hole. Naturally this shut Goku up. Not because he realized that she wanted him to, but because he was now too preoccupied with thinking about cakes.

The angry horny woman growled and turned over to get some sleep. It had been happening like this every night for the past four months. Maybe she should go over to Bulma's tomorrow and ask her if she had any ideas. Her last thought before she drifted off to sleep was, 'I hope he doesn't try to eat me in his sleep again.'

Brenman: Next Chapter, Chi Chi gets some ideas. Let the Scheming begin.