A/N: Ok, Ok, Ok. I know I should be stoned for letting this go so long without updating but I just lost my motivation for it. I might do a couple of one shots to get me going again. I do hope the wait for this is well worth it, I would hate to disappoint.
PS: remember Elliot never went home to Kathy therefore Eli doesn't exist.
Olivia laid safely tucked under Elliot's strong arms the musky smell of sex filling the air around them. She pushed back further into him finding warmth from the cool sheets. They had come inside with the intentions of going to bed but had quickly changed their minds about sleep when they fell into bed and into each other starting a marathon session of sex in every conceivable position, it was as if they had only a limited time with each other and not the life time promised they were murmuring to each other during one gentle love making session.
"Liv? You awake?" Elliot whispered into the dark
"Have you ever thought about having a baby?" He asked his hand gently stroking up and down Olivia's arm causing her skin to goose bump and the tiny hairs rise.
Olivia took in a deep breath and slowly exhaled. She didn't know how to answer that question. It was only a few days ago that she had stood in the locker room of the 1-6 contemplating having a child on her own but now as she laid in Elliot's arms the thought of choosing between him and a child really left her with no doubt as to what she would choose.
"I have Elliot but I'm ok with not having one. I mean at this point in my life I think I should focus on certainties and a baby for me is not. You are" Olivia turned so she could look him in the eye.
"Why couldn't you have both? Me and a baby."
"Well you must be one understanding boyfriend," Olivia chuckled softly, "I mean to be ok with me going off to have some sperm donor's baby."
"Why would you use a sperm donor?" Elliot asked placing his hand on her hip and giving it a gentle squeeze.
Olivia looked at him and narrowed her eyes trying to decide if what she thought he was saying was in fact what he was.
"Elliot you don't mean that. Why the hell would you want to start all the way back at the beginning when you're so close to the end?" Olivia placed her hand over his and laced their fingers together.
"Because having a baby with you is something I have not done but it's something I have thought about. Even before this assignment."
Elliot leaned in to place a soft kiss on Olivia's lips but she was too stunned to return the kiss. Elliot had thought of her with his child. Her heart both pounded and danced at the thought. She took in a shaky breath and turned her face into his neck as tears filled her eyes. Elliot pulled her closer to him as he felt the warm tears hit the skin of his neck; he kissed the top of her head breathing in the sweet scent of her shampoo.
"Liv, look at me" he commanded quietly. She shook her head still keeping face borrowed into the soft flesh of his neck. "Sweetheart, please look at me," he waited and when she still remained in her hiding spot he continued, "I don't want to upset you, so if me and you having a baby is not what you want then that's fine. But Liv, if it's something that you want, know that I want it as well. Ok?"
All Olivia could muster was a small nod of her head that she still refused to remove from its hiding spot. He was offering Olivia all her dreams and all she could do was hide from it. Olivia had learned at a young age not to count or rely on anyone but herself, she knew what it felt like to believe in someone's promises only to have them ripped away from you. She was too afraid to let herself get lost in the fantasy of her and Elliot having a baby and creating the family that she so desperately craved.
"Are you going to hide all night?" Elliot asked bringing his hand up to run through her hair. Olivia shrugged her shoulders but still did not move her face. "You have to trust me Liv... I'm not going anywhere and I will never hurt you."
Olivia slowly brought her head up to look him in the eyes her own red from shed tears. She trusted Elliot. She trusted him with her life but she was scared to death to trust him with her whole life. A life he was promising her. A life she always wanted.
"I... I'm scared of it all Elliot," she watched as his eyes filled with fear and she knew that he was thinking she would run. Again. "I'm not going anywhere Elliot. Not without you. And I want a baby, and I want that baby to be with you, but you have to know there are going to be days when I'm scared to death. I have never, ever, even contemplated having a baby with any man," she bit her lip wanting to continue on. Elliot opened his mouth to speak but she shook her head to silence him, "I told you earlier that I have never let a man come inside me Elliot, and the reason for that is that I could never fully give myself to any guy. It was as if a condom was some great big barrier that I had created in my mind to keep men from getting all of me. They never got to have me; they never really got to touch me. And they never left a piece of themselves in me, cause I never wanted them to."
Elliot let her words fill his mind as he took in the gravity of her confession. He had always known that Olivia kept people at arm's length but what he didn't know that she was so determined to keep herself completely emotionally isolated from others.
"You probably thinking I'm pretty twisted, huh?" Olivia asked biting her lower lip nervously, "And probably considering that whole having a baby with me thing."
"I don't think you're 'twisted' and I will never change my mind about having a baby with you. It just hurts me to know that you have always kept yourself cut off from others. Always scared that others will hurt you."
"The one person who was meant to love me didn't El. If she couldn't love me, how can I be so sure that someone who has no obligation to me will?" Olivia's big eyes filled with tears again as she let the hurt from her mother seep into her.
"Olivia, don't you see? The fact that someone who is not obligated to you, chooses to love you means just as much, if not more, than the ones who are obligated to. We can choose any one to love outside of family, when you get chosen, that's what real love is. Love out of no obligation."
Olivia thought about what Elliot had said nodding her head slowly in agreement. We were all given free will when it comes to having love outside of family so in its own way to have someone love you is truly wondrous.
"I love you Elliot. I really do." Olivia shifted her body to lay across his her hands coming to rest of his chest the hard wall of muscle beneath her fingers.
"I know you do baby. And I love you, more than you'll ever know."
He pulled her head towards his capturing her lips in a bruising kiss one in which she returned with fervour. She moved to kiss him softly on the corner of his mouth the feeling a pure bliss coursing through her at the newness of it all and knowing that being with him like this was never going to get old.
"Hey El? I just thought of something"
"What?" He asked making a small trail of kisses across her jaw.
"We're going to have to be separated as partners."
Elliot pulled his lips away from hers, his face changing from one of lust to sombre and tense. He knew that would have to take place, and he had given great thought about the reality of being with Olivia intimately and the demise of their partnership that would take place once a personal relationship took hold but now that it was upon him he started to feel a great loss at losing her as his trusted partner.
"I know. And as much as I want to keep you as my partner, I would choose you like this any day."
"What sweaty and naked?" Olivia joked letting her legs drop apart so she was now straddling his thighs and so his now stiffening member was nudging at her begging for entrance.
"Yep. Just...Like...This" he said between kisses.
"Before you totally distract me," Olivia said running her hand between the two of them of giving his cock a slight squeeze, "I just have to tell you one thing...I call Fin as my new partner."
Olivia gave a smirk as Elliot raised his eyebrows and shook his head.
"I don't think so. After what happened between the two of you. Nope, you're stuck with Munch."
He grabbed her ass pushing her onto him, both letting out a groan as he slipped into her.
"No. I get Fin. He's good for me, El. We've become close over the years"
She raised herself into a sitting position and leaned back placing both her hands on his thighs slowly rocking herself over him watching as his cock slid in and out of her wet pussy.
"Baby, now's not the time to tell me you're close to another man when I buried so far up inside of you." Elliot panted as he placed his large hands on her hips to increase their pace and drive himself harder into her.
Olivia threw her head back and let out a deep throaty laugh, "Ok, OK. No more Fin talk. But one thing I need you to do Stabler."
"Anything baby" Elliot said as he watched Olivia rise up so that his cock almost slipped out of her body only for her to slam back down onto him the noise of hot wet slapping skin filling his ears.
"Fuck me hard."
A/N: Once again I do apologise for how long it took me to update. Remember reviews are greatly loved :)