December, 2008

Written for the DA Halloween Holiday prompts at LiveJournal. The prompt was 'All Alec wants for Christmas is Rachael'.

Distracted

They tried to tell themselves that Psy Ops really wasn't so bad…but they knew they were lying. They told themselves that the reorientation process didn't really hurt more than getting injured on a mission, but that was only true if you didn't take into account the damage that they inflicted on your spirit, which hurt so much more than anything they could do to your body. They told themselves that the cells were just as comfortable as the barracks, even though they were mind-numbingly lonely and you could never really relax because you could never know when they were watching you. But they still told themselves that things would be okay, because the line between truth and fiction was blurred when you were in Psy Ops, and all that mattered was making it out with your body and brain in tact, and you told yourself whatever you had to. That's just what it was like in Psy Ops.

He had heard a rumor that it was Christmas Day. Some of the Ordinaries on guard duty had been talking, and someone else had overheard it. It very well could be; Alec had lost track of the days awhile back, but it was probably close to the end of December.

Not like Manticore made a big deal out of Christmas, or any commercial holiday for that matter. They sometimes required a moment of silent reflection on days of military importance, like December 7 or that day in September when the Twin Towers fell, but things like Christmas were nothing but a distraction.

Still, his mind was desperate for some gentle distraction between the interrogations, and it was something to think about.

Rachael probably loved Christmas. It seemed like the sort of thing she would love.

He thought about the necklace, the one he had managed to keep hidden for so long in the hollowed out rubber heel of his boot. It was the only way Alec could think of to keep it hidden and still with him constantly, but it had worked so far. He never dared to take it out, knowing that it would be confiscated immediately if discovered, but he liked knowing it was there. Having a piece of her so close to him made Psy Ops seem a little bit further away.

He would have loved to have seen her at Christmas time. There would have been joy all over her face, and he imagined her wearing red velvet. Her warm presence would protect him from the cold outside, and the light would be soothing and soft, and she would smile at him.

There was so much he wanted to give her.

If he could, he would go back and save her. He would give her her father back. He would give her honesty. He would give her security. He would give her the necklace back, and his fingers would tremble as they brushed against the soft skin of her neck as he fastened the clasp for her. And she would forgive him.

He would give her anything, his loyalty, his protection, his allegiance, he would lay down his life to keep her safe. His very existence all wrapped up in a bow, just for her.

The only thing he wanted from her was one more day. One more day where she loved him.

And it would all be okay, everything would turn out alright, because the line between truth and fiction was blurred when you were in Psy Ops, and all that mattered was making it out with your body and brain in tact, and you told yourself whatever you had to. That's just what it was like in Psy Ops.