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I looked over at him innocently, perfected puzzlement in my eyes. I knew if he sensed my emotions my façade would be over. Even so, I was barely able to hold my reeling fervors in. "Who?"
If I hadn't known Jasper well enough he would've seemed at ease. However, a strange look came over his perfectly sculpted face, and he replied quietly, "You remind me of someone I used to know; sorry."
He walked away with a slight frustrated confusion on his angelic features.
When I was in the open, near the line of old foliage I let my emotions loose; pain enveloped my mood. If I could cry, I would've been sobbing. Sinking onto one of the multiple grand oaks on campus, I wished I could die, conveniently at least.
All of the emotions I had buried had come back to haunt me and I once again felt the despair and helplessness I had felt after what happened so long ago.
I couldn't help but remember what happened that fateful day. It had completely altered my life and in some ways I was thankful, but the cons grossly outweighed the pros.
My beautiful surroundings did little to help my mood. Ivory covered walls and magnificent trees wrapped with the colors of fall were only a fraction of beauty here. While others students were studying and doing work under the shade of the massive oaks my mind was stuck in past dejection; dejection long overdue.
Suddenly my mind had a change of view and swept towards confusion; why would Jasper be here?
Hadn't all of the Cullens already gone the Ivy League route? And what are the chances he would come here, Yale? What are the chances that I would actually run into a Cullen?
His smell, no doubt the smell of a vampire, was sour to me, almost as if the painful memories had intervened on his aroma. But other than that it was like he had never changed. Same honey-blond hair, lean and muscular, just as I had remembered him. I even made out the same crescent shaped scar on his wrist.
I shuddered. I didn't want to go back to that time period. But then again, it seemed I already had.
Trying to think of something else, I focused on the gray, sunless sky overhead. But I couldn't help the questions from coming back. I wondered why Jasper hadn't known I was a vampire. Nevertheless, there were always exceptions. I remembered how he couldn't read my mind. I flinched, momentarily. At least I knew thinking about him wouldn't hurt very much anymore. I was at peace for a few seconds, exploring my limits. I soon learned hearing his name in my mind was not too much for me. I drifted back to thoughts of Jasper.
Of course, my appearance probably added to Jasper's uncertainty; the result of an ever-growing veneer as my power grew with practice. I was able to shape the ways people saw me, even myself, and sometimes it came in handy.
Deep red, almost brown hair, and ice blue eyes was most likely not what he was looking for. And I preferred it that way. Chatting it up with a Cullen was not on my list of fun things to do. In fact, it was on my list of things under any circumstances to avoid.
My heart took a hit and I felt the black hole start forming. I realized I needed Kyle desperately, needed to smell his delicious scent and be reassured everything would be alright. I checked my watch and frowned as I realized Kyle would not be out of class for another hour. I needed him now. His caring, soft, arms would be a cure for my insanity. Swallowing my emotions I swiftly got up and hurried to his class, remembering to walk at a human pace. I would wait outside for him to come get me.
Sitting on an intricate stone bench – one of many – I mentally willed him to exit. I could smell his indecision through the door, calculating if my presence was urgent or not.
Within a few minutes I breathed a sigh of relief as Kyle opened the door to the hallway. I instantly leapt into his arms, and once I felt the safety and softness I whispered to him.
"Jasper," I said quietly. I withdrew and saw his eyes widen.
"Here." he replied. It wasn't a question.
We were like that, almost if our thoughts were bonded, he always knew what I was thinking. That thought comforted me a little.
"Are you alright?" he asked, and his face looked concerned.
His hand fit nicely around my waist and we walked towards the dorm we shared.
"I think so," I replied to lessen his unease. "I'm sorry to interrupt your class. I just didn't know what to do."
"Bella, my classes don't matter so long as your okay, you should know that by now."
I smiled and the hole almost disappeared completely. It felt good to be in his arms. Then I studied his eyes; they were growing darker by the day. Now there was only a hint of topaz on the edges of his black eyes.
"Kyle, when was the last time you went hunting?" I asked uneasily, using this topic to distract me.
He gave a timid smile. "It's a long drive, and I had to study…,"
"Kyle," I scolded him. "Won't you go tonight? It doesn't take long, and you already know all of your class material."
He looked at me reluctantly. "Will you be okay?"
"Sure. Look, I'm fine already." But my voice cracked, and then I knew he wouldn't.
"Bella, I'm not going anywhere. I can wait until next week,"
I looked at him doubtfully. No matter how bad I felt I would not let him wait that long. He would be practically ravenous and drooling at his classmates by then.
He saw my gaze and chuckled. "Okay, maybe not next week, but I'm definitely not leaving you today."
I smiled, almost cheered up and slightly glad he was staying. Whenever I was hurting Kyle always was there to help me through it. When something like this happened it felt I was back where I started. It was bad enough discovering Edwards St. on campus, now Jasper was on my heels.
I opened the door to our room and pulled him inside. He plopped onto the king-sized bed we shared. Let's just say we kept each other warm at night.
"Kyle, I don't know what to do. What if he comes back?" I hated dumping all my feelings on him but when I explained my problems to him I felt better about the situation; horrible, I know.
"Come here Bells, you need to stop worrying. If he comes anywhere near you ever again, I'll hunt him down and stuff garlic down his throat."
I giggled and obeyed amicably, mock stumbling towards the bed until I fell onto the soft mattress. I put my arm around on his back and studied his eyes. Once again I was reminded of the need to hunt. Before I could say anything he smiled and I couldn't help but smiling back.
"Why don't you just go? Your eyes are almost black."
"Because you need me, and I want to be there for you." He said.
As much as I wanted to deny this, I couldn't help but agree. Even in a stronger body, my mind had not changed. I always needed a shoulder to cry on, even if the owner would end up getting hurt.
Before I could say anything else he moved closer to me, so close I could taste his comforting scent on my tongue. So close he took my breath away every time he did it.
His lips moved forward and brushed against my nose gently, kissing it. I moved so his cool lips were on mine, a perfect fit. Almost unconsciously our lips started moving together, a faultless rhythm. His lips moved with more passion than anyone I had loved before, but still gentle enough for it to be intimate.
I pleasured in being able to kiss him for as long I was able without even needing to pause for oxygen. It was the sweetest feeling; it reminded of cotton candy melting in my mouth, or the smell of the ocean, you could never get tired of it.
Before I was done he pulled away. I frowned and waited to hear his excuse.
"How did it happen?" he asked hesitantly.
I knew what he was talking about. I didn't really want to go over it but could I refuse anything from him? He was the best thing in my world, and had helped me mourn over former lovers more than one time in the past, much to my displeasure. With difficulty, I began.
"I'm not entirely sure why I didn't smell him beforehand. I was walking out of my physics class and he tapped me on the shoulder. When I heard his voice I almost fainted," I laughed a little but the pain was still fresh, "He asked about me and I played dumb. He said I reminded him of someone he used to know. And then, he left."
"I'm sorry Bells," he whispered.
"It's not your fault," I replied, still frowning.
Who knew a simple question from an old friend could send me into such a mental desolation? And there I thought I had gotten past all of that. I should've known better; I was never good at healing.
Thinking about the Cullens again was like finding your favorite childhood toy among the midst of old boxes. It felt good, and you often wondered why you had put it there in the first place. I remembered the fun I used to have with them, especially Alice; she had been my best friend. Of course, most of it was playing Barbie to a fashionista, and usually Emmett was laughing at my past clumsiness, but even that I missed. After a few days, I realized I missed them all.
"Kyle?" I asked him on a sunny afternoon inside our dorm. We would take the night classes that day. I walked over to the mirror, slightly shocked at my face. Even after all that time I was still surprised at my appearance. The alabaster skin against my dark red hair was unique and possibly beautiful. Ice blue eyes, almost white, were startling, but if you looked closer, they had a strange quality to them. It was if they knew something you didn't, or what you witnessed might not be what's truly there.
"Ya, hun?" he answered, mildly not there; to caught up with his book. I jumped back to the conversation and realized I didn't know what to ask.
Is it crazy to yearn to be with people who caused you so much pain?
"Never mind." I replied dully.
My heart hurt in longing to be a part of their lives again, or at the very least see them. But how could I possibly do that? Pushing the thought out of my mind, I quickly resolved to studying my history book; again.
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