As a vampire time does not hold any boundaries for you. I can't tell you the last time I remember looking at a clock or a Calendar until now. It would be this month that I lost my child all those years ago. I may have a wonderful husband and 5 beautiful children even if I am not there biological mother. I have a whole in my heart and I feel ashamed that they can not fulfill it. I long to have my own child that I can raise from birth, and to her the word that would make my dead heart soar ..mommy.
I feel bad that I am worrying my family, but it's just something I have to take care of on my own. This is the one time I wish I could sleep, so I can sleep away my sorrows, and to be able to dream. Dream of the sweet child that will never exist, the child that I will wish I could have for the rest of my days forever how long that may be. I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts I didn't even hear the bedroom door open. I wish husband, my angel, and the man I would not know what to do withoutCarlisle wrapped his arms around my waist. It amazed me how we can communicate without even speaking a word. Of course he knew why I was down, and I hate being this way around him, but I just can't help it. Then he couldn't take the silence any longer.
"Sweetheart, I am here if you want to talk to me. You just have to let me in. I would do anything to make you happy if it was with in my power" he said with such love that I have ever felt. I turned in his arms, and stared at the man that was so willing to make me happy and said "I love you with all of my being, you make me happy, don't think because I am down that I am not happy. I have you and 5 wonderful children, but I just have a whole in my heart that will never be filled. I don't want you to think it's your fault it's not. I will get over it, just give me till tomorrow" he smiled, but a sad smile because he knows he can never give me that child that I yearn to hold.
He kissed me with all the passion he could muster to get my mind off of things. I must say, it worked. His loving arms wrapped around my waist, he held so tight I thought he would never let go. He knew just how to make me feel loved. He laid me back on our bed, and made love to me. After all these years never did I feel that much passion as he showed me now.
" I love you with all my heart, and will continue loving you till the end of days" he whispered in my ear. I smiled at the thought of being wrapped up in his arms like this forever. I turned to look at him and stared in to his beautiful glowing golden eyes and just above a whisper said " life without you would be meaningless, I love you too".
We watched together as the sun rolled up the side of the mountain, and it was the symbol of a new day starting. Something weird at that moment started. I felt as if I was going to be sick, I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could. I threw up for the first time in almost a century . That is when everyone appeared at the door of my bathroom.
"Esme, what's wrong? What happened?" asked Carlisle he had a look on his face as if I was dying.
"I think I threw up" I told everyone as there mouths dropped open upon hearing my words.
" That's not possible! You're a vampire, Vampires do not throw up" said my sweet son Edward.
The last thing I remember was hearing sounds far away and then everything went black.