Sometimes when I close my eyes face towards the stars, I can remember us. I can remember his touch and his whispers. That's the only time. It seems so long ago that he left, to chase his dreams. He left me behind to lose all of my dreams. He promised it was the last time, and that he would return soon. The broken promise I called it.
Suddenly agitated she slammed her journal closed. Tears streamed down her face as she whimpered at the memory. Getting angry, she threw the book at the wall and ran out of the room. Her life was based on those broken promises now. Every moment of their lives together seemed to swarm through her head.
Everyone knew that she had quit because of him, gave up her passion for him. She was famous from a missing soul that he had taken with him. Laughing bitterly she reached over to her desk. Picking up the wooden picture frame a small smile appeared on her lips. " If only he had known," she whispered.
As he leaned down to touch her she shivered in anticipation. Slowly his lips folded over hers as they melted into each other. Their tongues wrestled and a low moan could be heard. His hand snaked under her shirt and...
Kris woke up from her dream breathing terribly hard. Putting her hand over her slamming heart seamed to do nothing to calm it. Silently cursing herself she crawled out of bead. Trying to forget that night, she padded down the stairs towards the kitchen. Arriving, she poured herself a glass of water. Taking big gulps; she could feel her heart rate slowly lowering.
When she found herself under control she reached calmly towards the phone. Pulling the phone back she unconsciously started punching in a number. Snapping back to reality she sighed and hung the phone back up. She stood their silently just starring at the telephone.
"I know your angry even upset with Junior. Do you have to take that out on all of us? Come on Kris, Smile." Matt whispered in her ear. Finding that he had succeeded he continued. "If you need anything, anything at all just call, I'm always here for you, always."
Smiling she responded, "it's a deal." The smile he gave her would have melted anyone's heart and the wink made her heart flutter. As the days and weeks went by that was all she could think about. She had never called him, any of them, after the incident. Now she silently wished she had.
Lingering feelings of resentment were still in the air. Fresh bitterness popped up as she glanced across the room at the picture on the refrigerator. The two smiling faces seemed to daunt her now pathetic state.
In a haze, she stumbled up the stairs towards her room. Her life had been changed by that one single moment. Tears dripped down her cheeks as she remembered the fight.
"You what?" That was all she had said for the past five minutes now. Looking at him again this time with tears falling down her cheeks she asked "you WHAT?" He knew she would be upset, but he didn't think it would matter that much to her. He sighed, "Baby I can't help it, I've got to fly out to this meeting." Junior mumbled. "On OUR anniversary, really Junior, Does Kalvin have to go? Or is it just YOU?" The words came out hurtful and she seemed to scream them at him. He flinched, not knowing what to say or do. She seemed upset very upset and he really didn't know how to deal with her like this. "You know what," she said; though it seemed to slither and seep out of her mouth with such venom. "You want your stupid meeting, fine go to YOUR damn meeting, but don't expect ME to be here when you get back. You have missed almost every important date in my life lately, yet that doesn't seem to affect you. So goodbye." The words had left her mouth so quickly she didn't have time to think and as she ran away from the one she loved, she felt nothing but pure anger. The door had slammed behind her on the way out of their home.
She reached over and opened the door holding the bottle she had gotten from the kitchen. Silently she tiptoed over to the small blue crib in the corner. Picking up the small boy inside, she placed the tiny bottle in his mouth. She hummed a small melody that Junior had once sung to her one night when she couldn't sleep. Kris admired the small mop of black hair on his head. A lone tear slipped down her cheek.
"They had made up, right before he had left. She thought it had been romantic and sweet. They had ended up making love all night long. With the memories in her mind, she quickly got ready to pick Junior up at the airport. Today he was flying home, and she was so excited. Bouncing around the house, giddy like a child and laughing, she tumbled to the floor. Hearing the telephone ring brought a sudden chill down her back. Taking a quick glance at her caller ID, she laughed at herself, seeing Matt's name. She always hated planes since Kerry, and always would. She really didn't like him flying but now she knew she was being silly. As she lifted the telephone off the base, she silently scolded herself for letting into her fears. As she lifted the piece towards her ear, she felt her heart beat race. Slightly laughing she answered.
"Hey Matt what's up? Having fun with all the ladies?" She slightly giggled at herself as she walked around the house. "Kris," his voice came out small, and it sounded scratchy, like he had been crying. "What's the matter Matt?" she asked feeling her lungs start to close up. "Ttthere was an accident," he whispered. She felt her knees start to buckle and her throat started to close up. "J-Junior...Plane Crash." Was all she heard him say as she collapsed to the floor. Sobs raked through her body as she threw the phone, curled into a ball, and passed out.
Later she had found out that she had almost had a miscarriage from the experience. Sighing she looked down at her baby boy. Seeing that he was asleep she laid him gently back into the crib. The dim thoughts that pranced around in her head only seemed to make the day worse. The one year anniversary was always the hardest they said. She knew she would hate this day for the rest of her life.
The funeral was normal, as normal as a Davis funeral could be. Thousands of people lined the church pews to mourn his death. The sadness all around was overwhelming but she somehow made it through the day. The look in their eyes was enough to haunt her for life. That was when she had started writing in her journal, to keep her mind off of it. She even had done a few races and an interview afterwards, but the past remained. Something inside of her was missing and she knew it always would.
Sitting next to his grave side was where she had gone into labor. An emotional trigger the doctor had said. There, alone, she had given birth to a seven pound baby boy. He was all she had ever dreamed of. The black hair and brown eyes was very reminiscent of his father, and the first time she held him she bawled.
Being startled from her thoughts by the ringing of the phone, she sighed. "Hello," her voice sounded tired and torn. "Kris," a man's voice asked. Tears came to her eyes at the sound of the voice. "How are you doing?" Such a simple question, but she had no answer. "How's Jason?" he asked trying to lighten the somber mood. "Why would you care," she snapped, "It's not like anyone was their when he was born." A strong sigh could be heard.
"I know this is short notice and all, but were having a get to gather, you know in memory." Those two single words seemed to catch in his throat. "We wanted you to come," he continued, "We all miss you, and we would all really like to see Jason." A slight gasp escaped her mouth. Knowing Matt would never give up she sighed "when?" Such a simple question she thought, with profound effects. "One at Raintree, it's gonna be so great to see you." She nodded as if he could see her, as he rambled on his voice seemed to drone off. More tears seemed to come to her eyes.
The gang was over after his death. She was left all alone to feel her pain and guilt. If only things would have been different. If only she had convinced him to stay.
As if sensing what she was thinking he continued. "No one thinks it's your fault Kris, it's no ones." The air seemed to swirl around her as a tiny sob escaped. "Bye," she mumbled and clicked the phone off in mid sentence. She silently laid down, but no more rest came. One o'clock came terribly fast, and she made her way to Raintree. Seeing all the cars parked, she took a deep breath. Stepping into the house all heads turned her way. Some looked happy, but most were sympathetic. Shifting the weight of the baby, she noticed that everyone was still watching, her mind started to drift again.
Family: that was all she had ever really wanted, a place to call home. It seemed like he could not stand his real family, but his extended he loved. He told her once it was just a warm, homey feeling to him, something he said, he could not describe. She thought she had understood then, but it was becoming clearer to her now. She didn't understand why his family seemed so cold to her though. She hoped that in time it would change.
As she stopped her daydreaming she glanced around the room again. She saw a few people with tears and their eyes, and some even wiping away falling tears. She was touched that they cared so much. She smiled politely at the group of people and sat down in the corner. She hadn't really talked to anyone until Matt came up. Slowly she stood and without saying a word they hugged each other. This only caused her to tear up more.
Handing the baby around, they all talked. It seemed like she had missed so much in all of their lives. Everyone complimented how cute little Jason was and some even seemed to cry at just the sight of him. Suddenly he came to Mr. Davis. and Dani. The room went deadly quiet. Everyone's eyes were glued to them. She felt it then, a sudden longing to belong to his family if only for a moment.
Silently she walked over to them. All eyes seemed to follow her through the short distance. Mr. Davis stood to meet her, and they just stood for a moment. Slowly she leaned in and hugged him. Gasps and laughs and cheers could all be heard. Tears started to fall down both their faces, not truly understanding the power of this moment. Silently, holding each other, they cried.