Title: Losing Grip
Summary: Set after The Girl in the Fireplace. Rose deals with the fact the Doctor left her, Mickey deals with the fact Rose is in love with the Doctor and the Doctor is oblivious until the end. Part 2 of 2. Re-edited 11/01/12.
Notes: Inspired by Avril Lavinge's song Losing Grip.
Warnings: Profanity, bashing of French people (sorry!), lots and lots of angst and a tiny bit of sexy-sexy time.
"Why should I care? Cause you weren't there when I was scared, I was so alone. Why should I care? If you don't care then I don't care, we're not going anywhere".
Rose woke that morning, a lump in her dry throat and dried-up tears still visible on her cheeks. She ducked back under the covers, feeling drained and lifeless. She tried to suffocate the numbing dull ache in the middle of her heart. She was almost asleep again until, the usual knock at the door came and Rose groaned again, looking up with annoyance.
"Mickey!" Rose cried, "I've told you a million times, the TARDIS doesn't spy on you in the shower, okay? There are no cameras! And no offence, but I don't think you're The Doctor's type" the last part came out bitterly; she knew his type: French, blonde, pretty blah-blah—.
"It's me" the voice announced, breaking her chain of thoughts.
Her heart leapt and she sat up "D-Doctor?..." she spluttered.
"Can I come in?" The Doctor asked quietly.
"Sure" Rose brushed her hair down in attempt to tame it and watched as her door-handle bent down and The Doctor walked in cautiously.
"Hey" she forced a smile "What's up?".
"I came about last night" The Doctor began slowly "I'm sorry for upsetting you... It shouldn't have happened".
"No, it was my fault" Rose interrupted "I over-reacted; it's nice that you and Mickey are so protective of me but seriously... I can handle myself".
The Doctor turned to go but stopped, frowning "Mickey thinks the TARDIS watches him in the shower?".
Rose shrugged carelessly and fell back into the bed, curling up. Only when the door shut, did she let out that deep breath she didn't know she'd been holding.
The Doctor glanced up at Mickey and Rose, who had just appeared from the kitchen. He noticed the way Rose still avoided his gaze… Before she welcomed his presence, now it seemed like she hated him.
"So, where we off to now then?" Mickey asked with a biscuit in his hand.
"Wherever you wanna go" The Doctor shrugged back "Your pick".
"Seriously?" Mickey sounded giddy "I can choose?".
Rose said, "So Mickey... Where you gonna send us to?" she tried to sound light and cheery but she wasn't fooling any current Time Lords.
"Mmm" Mickey frowned "Oh, I know! How about JFK's assassination? How amazing would that be? Tragic in it's own right but still, we might find out who shot him".
The Doctor shook his head "Can't... Could run into my 9th regeneration and that would be bad".
"You were there?" Mickey gaped, "Oh my god, why didn't you stop it? Isn't that what you do? Stop bad things?".
"Mickey, it's more complicated than that" The Doctor winced, "JFK's assassination was a fixed point in time and space, you can't change a fixed point in time and space, it causes paradoxes and time explosions".
"Just like I couldn't save my dad" Rose looked down sadly.
The Doctor stayed silent, then looked up to Mickey "Right Rickey-Mickey, where to?".
Mickey grinned "What about the 1600's?".
"Why, what's there?" The Doctor asked.
"No idea, do I?" Mickey shrugged "Just a guess".
"Okay then" The Doctor started going crazy on the controls "17th Century; 1600's; why don't we visit a festival? A bit of fruit-growing, apple magic, soothsayers, palm-readers... What'd you think, Rose?".
Rose jumped up at her name and just nodded "Sure, great, whatever".
The TARDIS shook and they all fell to the floor, clutching the rails except for The Doctor. A few minutes passed and when it stopped, The Doctor jumped up; grinning from ear to ear:
"Right then: 1660s Virginia here we come!".
"God, I can't breathe in this thing!" Rose breathed hotly. She grabbed her chest and gasped. She was wearing a black & silver metallic weave polonaise gown with cinch lacing over stomacher, a bustle slip, a gothic hair ornament, and silver opal necklace. She maintained the ability to wear her all star converses.
The Doctor turned back to her and smirked. He was wearing a black velvet coat with silver thread embroidery, a silver & black vest, black velvet half-way trousers, a white shirt, a silver lace neck wrap, white socks, and black shoes.
"I don't know why I got the kilt..." Mickey muttered, pulling at his shoulder wrap. He was wearing an authentic wool tartan kilt, a wool tartan shoulder wrap, a white shirt, a black leather belt, a suede pouch, suede leggings, and brown boots.
"Because" The Doctor looked over his shoulder "You choose this place!".
The Doctor, Mickey and Rose strolled along the rows of stalls. The ground was a mass field of grass, the sky was looming bright and there were stalls of fruits, vegetables, fancy-costume out-fits, soothsayers, palm-readers, juggling contests, and musical entertainment.
The men were wearing blue tabards with silver crosses and red lining shirts, collar, trousers, a hat, sword & black boots. The women were wearing ivory brocade gowns with blue ribbon trims, white satin skirts, panniers, a necklace, and white shoes. The children were wearing smaller versions of white and red trousers and black shirts and the girls; pink skirts and satin blouses.
It really was like history out of a book.
"Is this a rich part of town?" Rose looked around.
"Must be" The Doctor replied quietly.
"This is terrific!" Mickey grinned "We're in the 1660's! Can you believe it! 1660s!".
The Doctor gave him a quick smile before turning to Rose "Feeling better?".
Rose narrowed her eyes "What? What you do mean?" her heart pounded. Had he figured out why she was so distant, quiet and generally not interested?
"The dress" The Doctor stated, as if were obvious "You had difficulty breathing?".
"Right" Rose forced a smile "Sure, everything's fine".
The Doctor continued to look at her strangely until a young brunette woman wearing a pink and white lace dress, approached them and took The Doctor's hand, looking at his palm.
"I am Marie" she said, smiling "Would you like me to read your palm?".
"Great" The Doctor beamed.
Rose folded her arms in annoyance as Mickey leaned in with interest.
Marie had her eyes closed as she travelled up The Doctor's palm lines "You are very powerful" she said quietly "Like an on-coming storm... You've been so many different people and you are so very far away from home".
Rose and The Doctor looked at her intriguingly as Mickey smiled in astonishment. Was this palm-reader for real?
Marie smiled warmly "Your heart lies with... a blonde girl, she has just become a woman".
The Doctor kept his gaze firmly on Marie and refused to look at Rose. Mickey frowned in confusion and glanced at Rose. Her eyes were widened in sorrow and hurt. Of course, Reinette! Even when the bitch is dead, she's still causing havoc.
"You love her" Marie continued to smile "And she loves you back but... There is so much hurt and pain concerned, and more than two hearts are involved; there is another who seeks the blonde's heart".
The Doctor narrowed his eyes in interest and watched as Marie travelled up another line. "Wow, your... love is over-whelming... I feel it like you have two hearts and yet, that is impossible... It's like passion and rage and trust all in one. This girl would die for you and you for her".
Rose had had enough listening to The Doctor's love for that French bitch. She tore off her hair pin, letting her hair fall down messily. She thrust the pin into Mickey hands and looked away.
"I'm going for a walk" she told them, barely containing her annoyance. She turned on her heel and stormed off.
"Go after her" The Doctor whispered to Mickey. Mickey nodded and walked off after Rose, twiddling Rose's hairpin in his fingers.
"You are so very old and wise" Marie sighed softly "But yet, you will not give into your heart's desire. Why? Secrets. You have many of them, from your past. This girl, she's not like you, she's different, fragile, insecure… Overwhelmed, almost… endangered? But this only makes your love grow stronger. It blossoms, like flowers on a summer's day…".
The Doctor listened intensely.
Marie opened her eyes, smiling warmly "She is your Rose".
"Rose!" Mickey yelled after her "Rose!".
Rose stopped running and leant against a tree, getting her breath back.
"Rose" Mickey stated softly, standing in front of her.
"What is it, Mickey?" Rose snapped, looking up.
And that was it.
"Why are you always like this?" Mickey exploded, anger spilling out uncontrollably "You and The Doctor, The Doctor and you, never me and you! We used to love each other, we used to have fun, and you take me for granted and think that I'll be okay about it, but I'm not! You don't think I've got feelings, I still love you, damn it! And you..." he trailed off, shaking with anger.
Rose, who had staring at him in silence for the speech, blinked "Mickey..." she reached out for him but he backed away.
"I should have known" Mickey sighed sadly, "I should have guessed from the moment you made The Doctor give me my own room that we weren't… That we couldn't ever go back to how it was".
Tears spilled out of Rose's eyes. Guilt and pain washed over her. Mickey was her best friend and she loved him, but she wasn't in love with him anymore.
"I can't do this anymore" Mickey whispered "Watching you pine for him while he has his way with anybody but you... I can't... I'm going home, I've got a life..." he paused; uncertain "And I'm sorry but you're not in it anymore, Rose" he turned and walked back the other way, leaving Rose, breathless and alone.
Rose looked up in time to see Mickey stride past The Doctor, who looked back in confusion as he approached Rose "What's up with him, then?" The Doctor asked with a shrug of his shoulders.
"He's going home" Rose brushed past him quickly despite the inability to breathe, "He said he can't stay here anymore".
"What?" The Doctor cried "We've just got back from earth!".
"Yeah well, if you don't like it so much, don't visit" Rose retorted from behind her.
"Wait a minute!" The Doctor walked after her briskly, "I save the earth every week, sometimes twice a week! And what is up with your mood lately?".
Rose turned and stared at him, her breath becoming rapid again; her dress had grown tighter from the running away and she couldn't take it anymore.
"My mood? What the fuck about yours? God you're so clueless sometimes! You can't just dump me in the middle of freaking space and run off with some French whore and then expect me to trust you again! It doesn't work like that".
"And how should it work?" The Doctor asked angrily, "Don't you dare judge me Rose Tyler, I'd do anything to save lives, isn't that what you like about me-".
"Of it is!" Rose screamed "But you don't even see it do you? You leave death and destruction in your wake, Doctor" she whispered fiercely "Some aliens only come to earth because you're there... Why don't you think about that, yeah?" she turned and stormed off.
The Doctor swallowed dryly.
"Take me home!" Mickey demanded, dragging out his bags towards the console. Silence lingered all around them, filling the atmosphere with awkward glances and even more awkward pauses.
"Mickey, you can't be serious" The Doctor started, frowning. Mickey, The Doctor and Rose stood in the TARDIS, awkwardly not looking at each other.
Mickey folded his arms and waited. He watched as The Doctor gave in and started flying the TARDIS again. The shaking began, continued for a few more minutes and then stopped. When it did, Mickey was dragging his suitcases towards the doors.
Rose looked painfully into his eyes, tears threatening to overflow into the surface. Was Mickey really just going to walk out without saying anything?
Mickey sighed softly, before walking over to The Doctor and hugging him quickly, "Take care of Rose, please?" he murmured before he awkwardly walked over to Rose and embraced her in a hug.
"Mickey" Rose whispered sadly.
"I don't blame you" Mickey whispered back into her ear, "I hope you find what you're looking for… And if you ever need me, or need help or anything" he pulled back, "I'll be here for you" he glanced over to The Doctor, "And for you".
The Doctor looked up, "Mickey-".
"Say nothing Doctor" Mickey interrupted him suddenly, "Just take care, both of you" with that, Mickey walked to the doors, grabbed his suitcase and disappeared.
Rose let out a deep breath and slumped against the TARDIS railing weakly. She glanced over to The Doctor, who was staring at her intensely.
"You wanna tell me what happened?" The Doctor asked.
"You happened" the words slipped out from her mouth before she could stop herself.
"Rose, what is this really about?" he stepped forwards "Ever since we came back from 18th century France, you've been in this kind of mood and distant and now Mickey's left, will you just tell me what's wrong? I think I may…".
As he rambled on, Rose had grabbed her tight corset, gasping for breath again. He was strolling around the console and she had her back to him, her breathing becoming more rapid.
"If I've done something" she heard him say vaguely "Tell me and I'll...".
"I can't—" Rose gasped out, gripping the railing "I can't... Can't breathe...".
The Doctor rambled on oblivious to her problem and now, suddenly he was talking about chips. Mickey and chips and more chips and—
"Will you shut up!" Rose snapped angrily.
The Doctor looked down, surprised.
"You think that just because you're a Time Lord, you can treat people like this!" she turned to him, her breathing pushed to the side as she vented her anger "You just... Left me! Jumped on a flipping horse called Arthur and smashed through a one-way time-line mirror, knowing you had no way of getting back to me!" her voice broke.
The Doctor stared hardly "I had to save her" his voice raw and sore.
"Why?" her voice was weak and desperate "I understand why you had to save her but why her? What was so special about her? You'd only known her for two hours!".
"Would have rather me let her die?" he asked, temper rising.
"You kissed her" Rose's tone was accusing and she didn't care anymore. She was finally getting it all out.
The Doctor pulled back, frowning "How did you...".
"We saw" Rose answered "Me and Mickey, we saw you and her through the fireplace... You fell in love with her" tears were falling now and she turned and walked lifelessly to her room, leaving The Doctor in a state of shock.
Rose slammed her door shut, locking it with rage. The tears were hysterically sobs now and she leant to her wardrobe, banging against it with her fist. This day had sucked; Mickey was gone and The Doctor... Well, he was still clueless.
She gasped dramatically and grabbed at her chest. It was too much, she was suffocating now and her numb nails clawed at the tight corset, wanting the function to breathe normally again.
"Rose?" the gentle voice came through the door.
Rose gasped and sobbed and cried as she struggled with her corset, her tone becoming more high-pitched by the second.
"Rose?" The Doctor's voice was more urgent "Rose, let me in".
Rose gasped again and reached out weakly for the lock. Her hand missed it a few times and she screamed again, finally touching it. She turned it to the left and in a second, he was there, by her side, touching her cheeks and head and comforting her.
"I can't breathe" she clawed at his tie in desperation "I can't..." her eyes were fluttering now and she could feel warm fingers doing something to her corset.
"Rose?" The Doctor held up her half-passed out head "Rose, stay with me, yeah? You'll be fine in no time..." his fingers trembled as he undid the lace, pulling it, and undoing the next tie.
Rose leant against his shoulder, her hot rapid breath sending chills down his neck and spine. She felt lighter now and could sense he was near undoing it all. The Doctor glanced at Rose's head and then back to the corset. One more knot and she would be able to breathe properly. He froze when he felt her hand join his.
"Doctor" she whispered in his ear.
He paused but then remembered what he supposed to be doing. The Doctor gently undid the last lace and pulled it away. The corset flapped open and he could see her toned smooth stomach and black bra... He gulped and looked away.
"Are you okay?" he cupped her neck and pulled her back to face him.
"I'm hot" she breathed out.
The Doctor froze. Hot like the sun or hot like... He trailed off, looking back at her. Of course she meant hot from all the gasping. He slowly peeled back the corset, revealing what could only make his eyes burns with desire.
Rose shivered under his stare and he jumped up, taking off his jacket. He bent back down and put it around her shoulders, wrapping it round her chest and front. "I am so sorry" he kissed her forehead gently.
Rose leant against him restlessly. She felt gentle arms wrap themselves around her body and she was lifted up, her legs slipping out of the rest of the dress.
The Doctor refused to let his mind wander as he lay her on her bed, pulling her pink covers up over her body. He watched her turn over and quickly fall to sleep.
Her words ran over his mind and he suddenly realised that he was just looking at her. Moving quietly, he walked out, shutting the door softly behind him.
Rose awoke gently, her head lifting slightly. A yawn escaped her lips and it all came flooding back to her. He'd seen her... Rose glanced down and realised she still had on his jacket. It felt nice, warm, a little small but he was a rake so it didn't bother her too much.
She sat up, deciding she better go see what he was up too. Rose reached over and grabbed her black pyjama shorts, slipping them on easily. She pulled on a grey tank-top and folded his jacket up.
The Doctor sat in the Captain chair; as Rose had named it, reading a black book he had found in the library. The console was buzzing softly beside him, quite content on resting for a while.
He hadn't realised she'd came in until her shapely figure was planted right in front of him, holding his soft blue jacket.
"Hello" he beamed quietly, closing his book.
"Hey" she handed him his jacket and sat down beside him.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, slipping back on his jacket. His two hearts skipped a beat when he got a whiff of her lavender scent, imprinted on his favourite item of clothing.
"I'm okay" she sighed simply.
There was an awkward silence before The Doctor turned to her "I left you Rose because... You had the TARDIS, you had Mickey, you had food, and water and safety and she had... Unstoppable clowns wanting to chop her into mush... Her and half the guests, I couldn't let that happen. Too many people have died on my account…".
Rose nodded, she knew he wouldn't ever let innocents die when he could have stopped it. It was one of the reasons why she had fallen in love with him.
"I understand" she whispered "I admire you for that" she stood to go but he pulled her wrist back gently and she stared into his eyes imploringly.
"I didn't love her, Rose" his voice was below a whisper and she had to move in to hear it.
"Your love-life is none of my concern" Rose pulled out of his grip, walking back down the ramp.
"I couldn't love her" The Doctor jumped up, feet away from her. Rose stopped, her back still turned to him, "I couldn't love her" he repeated "Because I already love...".
Rose spun around, her eyes boring into his "But you love her" her voice was bitter and soft and cold all at the same time. She unconsciously took a step forward.
"I couldn't stand to see you with Mickey" he confessed quietly "You and him and all the laughing… I guess I just wanted to hurt you, the way I was hurting" he looked up at her with shame and guilt in his eyes.
"Doctor?" she asked, her heart-beat speeding up.
The Doctor readied himself for rejection, a slap, whatever else she would do but he had to say it: "I love you".
Rose's lips parted in shock and she gripped the railing for support. Without realising it, she had lunged for him, pressing her lips to his soft ones. Her mouth was dry and she moaned in pleasure as he started to kiss her back, his lips melding with hers.
"Doctor" she managed to gasp out before he hooked her legs up and around his waist. The Doctor took over her as he linked their fingers together and he pushed her against the wall.
"I love you too" Rose whispered, pulling away. The Doctor beamed in joy but she soon pulled him back, restarting her fierce attack on his lips.
"Say it again" The Doctor growled huskily between Rose's fiery gasps.
"I love you" Rose gasped, slipping her tongue into his mouth and sucking hard. She jumped down and grabbed his hand, pulling him down the ramp urgently.
"Don't you think we should take this slow?" The Doctor gasped as he and Rose burst into his bedroom, clawing at each other's clothes.
Rose stopped and stared at him, baring her soul completely, "You want me to leave?".
"Never" The Doctor whispered back, kissing her again and lifting her up around his waist. Their lips never left each others as they leant against the door and slammed it shut.