A Dark and Stormy Night
So, I was flying, right? Well, of course I was flying. And I was on my way to my family reunion. I was in charge of the potato salad. I was working out how to explain to everyone that it was impossible to fly with a bowl of potato salad on your back and that I had no choice but to leave it behind when I realized something: I was lost.
It is very, very bad to be lost on a dark and stormy night. Especially when you're a raven and therefore blend in with said dark and stormy night. So, knowing this, I decided to stop and ask directions. I flew to a house and landed on a windowsill. There was this guy sitting in the house and he was sleeping, so I tapped on the window. He got up and opened the door, at which point I flew in and landed on a statue.
My Human is a little rusty, and this was proven when I opened my beak to speak.
"Where's the intersection of Oak and 4th?" I asked.
The man's eyes widened and he backed away from me.
"Nevermore?" he cried. "Nevermore! No, no, it cannot be! Oh, bird, how can you be so cruel as to keep me from seeing my beloved Lenore?"
"Um, look, man, I don't know who Lenore is, but I'm sure if you send her some chocolates or something, you can work things out. As for me, I'm late to my family reunion. Uncle Steve is going to kill me when he finds out I didn't bring my famous potato salad. Therefore, I'd like to get there as soon as possible and get the punishment over with, so if you could just tell me where the intersection of Oak and 4th is, I'd really appreciate it and will be on my way."
"Stop speaking to me like that, you soot-black monster of a bird! Stop saying, 'Nevermore'!" shouted the man.
"Oak and 4th! Oak and 4th!" I screamed. "Where the hell is Oak and 4th!"
"She's in hell forevermore? You evil, evil bird!"
"I need a bowl of my potato salad delivered to Oak and 4th!"
"I can't! I don't know where Oak and 4th is!"
"Stop saying, 'Nevermore'!"
"I'm not frickin' saying, 'Nevermore'! All right, that's it, I'm gonna get even with you. Just to piss you off, I'm not leaving until you tell me where Oak and 4th is."
And I've been sitting here on this stupid statue over this guy's doorway ever since, waiting for the day when I shall finally reach Oak and 4th!