Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of its characters.

Chapter Three: Surprise Guest


We had finally moved into our new house in Alaska.

After her change, Edward kept Bella secluded in their own private cabin for months. He said it was for her control, to keep her distracted and away from humans. But we all knew it was because he wanted some alone time with his wife. We understood.

During the last several months I'd noticed that Bella is not like normal vampires. You could almost call her bipolar. Her tendency to swiftly change moods she had as a human has been intensified by becoming a vampire. Meaning, her outbursts when she's angry have also become more volatile. We soon discovered that being on the receiving end of her fury is like being around a guy who's playing with matches outside a gas station – you want to run away as fast as possible. Watching her take her anger out on someone else, on the other hand, is quite humorous, though you have to be careful not to have her turn on you.

Needless to say, the rest of our family has taken to not torturing her as they did when she was human. Bella's anger is too much of a price to pay just for a few laughs at her expense. Well, most of us try to avoid her bad side. Emmett's sometimes not so smart.


I was sitting downstairs, enjoying a novel when Bella and Edward came home from hunting. They told me that Alice was still out with Rosalie because they hadn't found what they wanted yet, but should be home soon.

As soon as they walked through the door I could feel Edward's amusement and Bella's irritation. I turned to the couple, wondering what had happened – Bella normally did not get angry or irritated with Edward, it took a great deal of work on his part to get her riled up.

I could immediately see the problem. Bella was holding half her shirt up, the rest was in messy shreds. Edward sidled off to my side as Bella tromped up the stairs, making entirely more noise than necessary. He quickly answered my mental questions.

"My mountain lion decided that Bella was more of a threat than me, so while I lunged, the lion lunged for Bella…and got her shirt."

I quickly stifled my laughter, not wanting to set off the fury I knew was just under the surface.

Vampire hearing comes in handy, but sometimes it raises a lot of questions. I could hear Bella grumbling as she walked all the way up the stairs. A door opened, which I knew was her closet, followed by a shriek and honking noise. The door slammed back shut and more honking followed. It sounded strangely like…a goose?

"EMMETT!" Bella screeched as she flew down the stairs. She moved so fast that I almost couldn't see her.

Emmett sat on the floor in front of the TV playing video games, looking the picture of innocence. I, however, could feel the amusement come off of him in waves.

"Why is there a goose in my closet?" She was now towering over our burly brother's sitting figure.

"A goose? Really? Wow. I don't know Bella." The innocence was a little too pronounced in his voice. Bella appeared to pick up on this too.

"YOU PUT IT THERE! THAT'S WHY!" The hysterical giggling that Emmett always seemed to fall into whenever Bella lost her temper started. If possible, the rage radiating off her intensified. I sent out a wave of calm. I knew it wouldn't completely defuse the thrashing Emmett most certainly deserved, but it may tone it down a bit. Or at least, that's what I thought.

Bella relaxed her posture slightly when my calm wave hit her, but as soon as I stopped sending she grew even more rigid than before. Faster than even I could see, she had whipped around facing me. I felt like a deer caught in headlights as I looked at the monster within her. The look in her eyes told me that she would flay me alive if I interfered with her emotions again – I believed her.

Clenching her jaw, Bella turned back to Emmett who was trying very hard not to start guffawing. "Emmett." Her tone was icy, but demanding of his attention. "Do you know how filthy geese are? How much they smell? How much they molt?! NO! I'M SURE YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK ABOUT THE FACT THAT YOU JUST MADE EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF CLOTHING IN MY CLOSET COVERED IN DIRT, FEATHERS AND GOOSE STINK!

"Do you have any idea how long with took me to get my clothes in my closet? Twelve hours. It took me twelve long hours arguing with Alice over what things I could, would, could not, and would not, keep. Do you have any idea how hard it's going to be to get all those clothes washed without Alice throwing some of them away?!"

Rosalie and Alice chose that moment to walk through the door. They obviously already knew what was going on, whether it was from Bella's yelling or a vision Alice had had, I don't know. I felt pure excitement come from my wife as she made to streak up the stairs.

Before I could see what was happening, Bella had picked up a large silver decorative platter and flung it over to the staircase. It sailed directly in front of Alice, making her halt all movement, and sunk about an inch into the plaster, staying in place but wobbling side to side like a throwing knife.

Bella turned her angry face on Alice. "Do not set one toe in my closet, or so help me…" She let the threat hang, not wanting to let Alice know exactly what she would do, but my wife did the worst thing in her situation.

"Oh? What would you do Bella?" A smug feeling overtook the little pixie. She apparently didn't think that Bella's anger could be directed at her. She was dead wrong.

A very brief thoughtful look came over Bella's face before she smiled evilly. Alice's face went blank, seeing a vision of what Bella would do, before gasping in horror. She sank to her knees, looking beseechingly at her newest sister.

"You wouldn't…my clothes!" Alice sounded as though she was mourning a dead puppy. Bella's plan must have been good.

"You leave my clothes alone, I'll leave your clothes alone. I may not have the same fashion sense as you Alice, but I have things I like." Bella's anger level had decreased immensely while looking at my wife, but then she turned back to her target.

"Why? Why did you put a goose in my closet? Do you know how cruel that was?! For both me and the bird. I think the poor thing bruised its beak, if that's even possible, when it decided I was entering its territory and tried to attack me. Did you know that geese fly? That it was flying around in circles trying to find a way to escape. It got dirt and feathers on everything!"

Emmett was starting to feel guilty. Like always, he hadn't thought the plan through well enough and hadn't realized that the goose would cause this much of a problem. But that didn't mean he would own up to his mistakes.

"Aw…come on Bella. It was just a bit of fun."

Bella's eyes flashed and suddenly I was reminded of the she-bitch demon woman I had thought of the first time I had seen her explode on Edward. We all visibly shrunk away as she drew in a ragged breath. "Just a bit of fun? JUST A BIT OF FUN?! HAVE YOU HEARD ANYTHING I'VE TOLD YOU?! I DON'T CARE IF IT WAS MEANT TO BE JUST A BIT OF FUN. IT WASN'T. IT WAS A SERIOUS PAIN IN MY ASS!" A devilish smile suddenly came across her face, terrifying everyone else in the room, including myself. "And you're going to clean it up."

Bella's mood was lighter and her smile grew wider at the lack of comprehension on Emmett's face. Alice burst into manic laughter, soon followed by Edward. She must have seen a vision that Edward then saw through her mind.

Confused, the rest of us turned back to Bella to see that shark like smile still in place. "You're going to wash all my clothes. And the closet. Not just the floor, but the walls and ceiling too. Oh you also have to scrub my shoes, since they're in there as well."

A look of utter horror came across Emmett's face. If there was anything that Emmett despised, it was cleaning. And even with vampire speed, it would take him hours waiting for the washer and dryer to clean all her clothes. "No. Bella. Anything but that. I'm sorry! Really! I shouldn't have done it. I didn't realize it would get anything dirty. Don't make me clean it up!"

Bella scoffed, thoroughly pleased with herself. "Of course it would get things dirty. It's an animal Emmett, they eat and get things dirty, that's all they do. And no, I like this punishment. Don't you agree Esme?"

Esme's sweet voice drifted down from the stairs. "Yes Bella. I think it's very appropriate." After a few of her outbursts, Carlisle and Esme had learned that staying away was the best option. That way they didn't feel the need to scold Bella for things she said while mad, because, usually, when she unleashed her fury on someone, it was well deserved. Such as now.

Bella smiled wider, all anger now forgotten. "Oh. And…" She trailed off as she raced up the stairs, only to return immediately with something behind her back. "You can take care of this." With the last word, Bella threw a madly honking goose as Emmett. Surprised, he shrieked in horror and bolted from the room, the goose on his tail. Who knew such an experience would leave Emmett with a fear of geese.