Disclaimer: South Park isn't mine, I wrote this story just for fun and am not making any profit out of it.
Author's Note I: I forgot how I thought of this idea… I would have made it longer, but I really have no time at all. God damned finals…
Anyway, Passover is like… the Jewish Christmas, I guess. So I had to publish it today, because it's Passover eve, with the Sedder and all… (refer to cultural notes in the end). So if everyone is doing a Christmas fic, I can write a Passover one!
Author's Note II: sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes, and incorrect usage of words and phrases. English is not my native tongue.
Author's Note III: this is probably the silliest thing I have ever written, but I hope you'll enjoy it. A happy and a kosher
Passover to all!
It is a widely known fact that Stanley Marsh and Kyle Broflovski are best friends. Stan always attributed it to the fact that he and Kyle were very much alike: in all honesty, both of them had the most common sense in a stupid town like South Park, they shared the same hobbies and taste in music, they liked the same foods, the same things amused them and if appearance was taken into account, both of them were scrawny.
Kyle's lack of body fat was probably due to his diabetes and proneness to sickness, while Stan always joked about how his missing fat was probably sent to Cartman by God; he never guessed that something was wrong with his body. Sure, he had periodic stomach aches, but they were mostly a nag, and only rarely they prevented him from doing anything. Cartman used to tell him he was probably menstruating whenever he dared to complain, but Stan always ignored him
He thought nothing of it, assumed that every other person suffers such aches, until one day, during one of those rare times when the pain got the better of him, his mother stood above him, frowning deeply and holding her chin in thought, and suggested that perhaps they should go to the doctor and make sure everything was okay. Stan refused at first, saying that it was nothing to worry about and that he would pull through it, like he always does, but then he felt like a knife was cutting him in half and doubled over in pain. His mother shook her head exasperatedly and went to set an appointment in the local clinic.
The doctor ran a few basic tests on him, nodded to himself but never voiced his thoughts – much to Stan's annoyance – and then sent him to do a blood test. The results came in about a week later, and they were conclusive. Stan shook his head in utter disbelief, feeling as if the shabby walls of the world that surrounded him collapsed at the very moment the doctor told him the terrifying news: he had Celiac.
Stan spent the rest of the day moping in the kitchen, staring up at the cupboards and sighing heavily as he thought of all the cereals and breads and cakes and cookies and… about half of the things that he loved to eat that would have to leave his digestion system for good. At first, he clung to his mother's shirt and begged her to act like it never happened, told her that he's able to live with the gluten in his body, but his mother shook her head and pried him off of her, telling him that it might have been only a slight problem up until now, but when he'll grow up it might develop into Cancer and she will not take that chance.
Stanley Marsh was positive his life came to its end.
He saw his friends at the cafeteria the following day. Cartman showed up in front of him first, - as he always made sure to be among the firsts in the lunch-line - his tray packed with various goods(?). "Hey, faggot," he greeted, spending no time in taking a full spoon of mashed potatoes into his mouth.
Stan frowned. Sometimes he deeply regretted coming out to his friends. "Hi, fatass," he replied and sighed. Cartman was too busy in his gluttony than to listen to him. The word gluttony made him think of the word gluten and he sighed again, resting his head on his crossed arms.
"Hey, dude." It was Kyle's voice this time and Stan immediately perked up, smiling brightly as his best friend came into view, sitting beside him. "Are you feeling alright?" he asked.
"Kyle!" Stan whined, grabbing a hold of Kyle's arm (and totally missing the blush it had incited on the Jewish boy's cheeks). "Kyle, you wouldn't believe what happened!"
"Eh… what?" he asked, a bit awkwardly, as he was still somewhat distracted by Stan's arm on his.
"I have Celiac!" Stan said and buried his face in the sleeve of Kyle's shirt, demanding comfort.
From in front of them, Eric Cartman huffed. "You guys, seriouslah, get a room," he said before returning to his meal.
Kenny chose to join them then, his tray the least packed of all (beside Stan's, who wasn't completely sure what he was allowed to eat, and so settled on a mere bottle of Coke). "What's the deal with him?" he asked, addressing Kyle and nodding Stan's way.
"Oh, he has Celiac," Kyle explained, trying in vain to pry Stan off of him.
Kenny nodded and took a bite of the meat on his plate. "Mm hmm. And what is Celiac, exactly?"
"A sensitivity to gluten," Kyle replied.
Kenny nodded once again. "Gluten being…?"
Kyle sighed heavily as he stroked Stan's hair slowly and awkwardly, in a loss as to what else to do. "Basically, Stan is allergic to wheat."
"That sucks, dude!" Kenny exclaimed, taking a long gulp out of his bottled water. "And you liked cakes!"
"I know!" Stan whined pathetically with his voiced muffled by Kyle's shirt, causing Kyle to roll his eyes. "There is no purpose to my life anymore!" he sobbed.
"Oh, quit being such a pussy, Stan," Kyle said, finally succeeding in prying him off. "I can barely eat sugar and you don't see me cry about it every day!"
"But you were born this way!" Stan argued. Kyle quirked an eyebrow at him and Stan, realizing what he just said, turned away and blushed. "N…nevermind," he stuttered.
"Look, Stan," Kyle said, exasperated. "It's not the end of the world, honestly. People live with it, and it's not like you can't eat anything."
"I'm deprived of anything worth eating!" Stan argued again.
Kyle frowned. "Quit it Stan. What am I supposed to say? Get your act together and get over it, it's really not such a big deal!"
Stan pouted at him, but Kyle paid him no heed and commenced eating his lunch.
"Oh, God, it's sooo good," Cartman moaned suddenly, and Stan looked up to see him munching on his bread, this evil gleam in his brown eyes. "Jesus, it's the best bread ever! here, Kenny, you can take some… and you too, Kyle, because even Jews deserve to taste it-" Kyle frowned at that and smacked Cartman's hand away- "and Stan… oh! that's right! you can't eat that!" then he burst out laughing and Stan buried his head in his arms again, feeling miserable. Cartman, of course, took his pieces of bread back, much to Kenny's dismay.
"You know," Kenny started, his mouth full. "I know what is sure to get your mind off of it!" he said, waving his fork as he spoke.
"What?" Kyle asked, as Stan was too busy being emo.
He edged closer and whispered into Stan's ear "porn."
"What!" both Stan and Kyle cried simultaneously.
"Seriously!" Kenny said. "When I'm worried, all I do is take my favorite magazine from under the bed and… you know, Stan, if you want I can recommend a few good sites-"
"No thank you," Stan said, blushing heavily and waving his arm in front of his body, signaling for Kenny to stop. The latter chuckled and then resumed eating.
"I'm doomed!" Stan whined once again, but this time no one tried to argue, as the other three were too busy stuffing food into their mouths before the break would end.
Stan lay on the couch in the living room, his arms crossed over his chest as he pouted to himself while his mother surfed the net in search for information about Celiac and various appropriate recipes. The doorbell rang. "Stanley dear, can you get that?" his mother requested from upstairs.
Stan huffed to himself and stood up, dragging his feet tiredly to the door, but he immediately brightened when he saw who rang. "Kyle!" he said.
Kyle stood there, holding a small box in his hands, blushing slightly and looking even more awkward than usual for some odd reason. "Uh… I thought… you looked so miserable today and…"
"Come in, come in!" Stan commanded and led his best friend to the kitchen, offering him something to drink. Kyle kindly refused.
Kyle sat at the table and Stan joined him, choosing the chair next to his. "I…" Kyle started, once again sounding terribly unsure of himself. "The Sedder was yesterday night, and… I don't know if I ever mentioned it, but we can't eat anything with wheat during Passover-"
"Really?" Stan asked, totally missing the point. "You really can't eat a lot of things, can you?"
Kyle chuckled, though it sounded a bit forced. "Yeah, Judaism is stupid like that," he replied. "Anyway… my mom, she bought some kosher cookies, and she baked this cake… we had a few pieces left. I dunno about the cookies, I only liked them when I was little, but the cake is good! I had the pleasure of tasting it a few times…"
Stan smiled widely and grabbed the box from Kyle's hands, revealing the goods. "Thanks, dude!" he said and immediately opened the package of cookies, wasting no time in tasting it. "It's quite good!" he said. Kyle smiled. Then Stan took a fork from one of the drawers and dug it into the cake, promptly lifting it to his mouth and moaning as the bite melted in his mouth. "Kyle, I love it! I love you!" he said, and the strangest thing happened:
He slang his arm across Kyle's shoulders and intended on delivering a chaste kiss to his cheek in appreciation, but Kyle turned his head, maybe because he wanted to tell him something, and Stan ended up kissing him on the lips instead. Stan, panicked beyond words and paralyzed all over, wanted to pull away as soon as he felt something was wrong, but then Kyle released a weak moan and pulled his collar, not letting him get away and kissing him back.
After a few seconds Kyle pulled away, looking at Stan fearfully, blushing.
"Uh…" Stan managed and scratched the back of his neck, blushing as well. "Have you… always…"
Kyle pushed his chair backwards and stood up, looking down shamefully. Stan, realizing what was about to take place, stood up as well. "No!" he cried and held Kyle's shoulders, forcing him to look at him. His eyes were filled with such uncertainty and fear that Stan was completely overwhelmed by emotions, and he decided he never wanted to see Kyle looking at him like that ever again. "Your lips," he breathed, "are they made of wheat?"
Kyle cocked his head to the side, puzzled. "What?" he asked, his voice quivering somewhat.
"Your lips," Stan repeated. "They're not made of wheat, are they?" Kyle shook his head slowly. Stan smiled. "Then why did you stop?" he asked, and before Kyle could reply Stan grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him forward, closed the gap between them and kissed him.
Well then, maybe having Celiac wasn't so bad, after all…
Cultural Note: Sedder is the meal of Passover eve. It more or less symbolizes the transfer between wheat foods and… matzos. ;;
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