A/N: Hello everyone, it's Alice! Remember me? Bella and I apologize profusely for the delay – we've been unbelievably busy what with school starting back and everything. Anyway, we'd like to thank: Lydia, William Wolvenheart, elizabeth marie cullen, AliceCullenLivesForever, pearberry14, Tess Wey, OnlyinFiction, Evanescent Romance and inkypinkyanna. Who screamed, you ask. Well, we have a poll on our profile which you can vote in, even though you're about to find out! Hope you like the chapter, I had almost too much fun writing it!
The second that Bella stumbled down the stairs to her room (it was a miracle she didn't incapacitate herself in the process), Emmett burst out laughing. The familiar sound seemed to relax everyone and things shifted from a tense silence to a comfortable chatter. Well, when I say everyone, Edward wasn't included. But my dear brother wouldn't know relaxation if it hit him over the head with a shovel.
"That wasn't a very nice thing to do to Bella, Emmett." I commented, leaning back against Jasper's chest. "I've got to warn you, I've had a few visions of her chasing after you when she's a newborn, and they're not very pretty."
Jasper snorted, kissing me on the cheek and even Edward cracked a wry smile.
"Well," Emmett reasoned. "It's about time Bella got some action."
Edward rose to his feet snarling furiously as Rosalie let out a derisive laugh. I casually stretched out an arm and pushed him down again, using a little more force than was necessary.
Jasper rolled his eyes at our antics. "Seriously, Em," he turned to face Emmett, who was doubled over laughing. "I've had enough of all of your inappropriate comments. In fact, I'll give you ten thousand dollars if you can last the whole vacation without making a single sick-minded joke."
Emmett contemplated this for a moment before smiling hugely. "I'll do that...but you aren't allowed to kiss Alice."
I seized a fistful of Jasper's shirt and glared daggers at my gleeful brother. Jasper, however, was now beaming too.
"Fine, as long as Rose only shows six inches of skin at a time."
"What?" Rosalie gasped, clutching at one of her bikini straps.
"WHAT?!" Emmett roared, apparently revolted by the idea of his wife dressing modestly.
"My turn!" I chimed in, now enjoying myself quite a bit. I turned the full force of my gleaming teeth on Edward. "You get to see Bella for eight hours a day - maximum."
Instead of yelling in anguish as I had seen him react in my vision, Edward smiled bigger than all of us put together. "But, you know what that means, Alice," he replied quietly. He had a malicious glint in his eye I didn't like the look of.
"What?" I demanded, a little scared of what the outcome might be.
Edward was now grinning so hard his face looked ready to crack in two. "No wedding planning."
I froze in place, arms sticking out from my sides, my mouth a little 'o' of pure horror. My brain tried to make sense of what Edward had just said to me. No wedding planning? Was he insane? The only reason this wedding would ever happen was because of me.
"Great, Edward, you just gave Alice a stroke." Rosalie remarked bitterly, obviously still upset about her part of the bargain.
Jasper shook my shoulders gently, all the while giving Edward a poisonous look. "Alice, honey, are you okay?" he said softly, not taking his eyes off Edward, who was laughing so hard he'd fallen off his chair.
My cell phone vibrating in my pocket brought me back to reality. I flipped it open, not bothering to check the caller ID.
"Alice Cullen." I answered automatically, and listened as the caterer blathered on about a mixed up salmon order. "Wait, what?" I asked, this news driving me over the edge. "Are you telling me that there are twenty pounds of dead fish rotting away at the church!?" I shrieked, possibly deafening the caterer on the other end.
"Um, I'm sorry, ma'am, for any troubles caused by the mistake –"
"I don't need your apologies; I need you to get that salmon out of the church, right now –"
I had been so furious with the bumbling idiot on the other line that I didn't notice Edward standing behind me until he snatched the phone out of my hand.
"Miss Cullen is unavailable right now," he said smoothly. "She will call you back at a later date." he closed the phone with a snap and threw a mocking smile my way.
"Edward." I clenched my fists. "Give me my cell phone. Right. Now."
"Didn't you hear me, sis?" he sneered the name as he dangled my phone over my head tauntingly. "No wedding planning. And that includes scaring the life out of young caterers."
"But, Edward! There is twenty pounds of salmon just sitting there in the church! It's an emergency! GIVE ME BACK MY CELL PHONE!" I jumped up; attempting to get my cell phone back, but Edward just dangled it higher.
"Hmm..." Edward put on an expression of mock-thoughtfulness. "You're obviously not going to give up. Well, that only leaves me one option..."
And, before I could do anything to stop him, Edward had tossed my one thousand dollar cell phone over the side of the boat and into the ocean.
I threw back my head and let out a high pitched scream of fury before launching myself at Edward, punching and kicking him as hard as I could.
Just as I had started clawing his face with my nails, Bella reappeared and let out a little gasp of horror. Emmett, on the other hand, howled with mirth as I attempted to rip off Edward's arm with my teeth.
Before I could do any real damage, Jasper's arms snaked around my waist, restraining me from killing my loathsome brother.
"Jazz...let...go! I...need...to...kill...Edward..." I thrashed in Jasper's arms as I struggled to get free.
"Alice, sweetheart, why don't you go downstairs?" Jasper made his tone painfully sweet, but I could feel the effort it was taking him to stay calm. "You look a little...stressed. I'll call you when we get to the resort."
I let out a huge breath I hadn't known I'd been holding and unclenched my fists. It was impossible to be angry with the waves of calmness Jasper was sending my way. I really didn't deserve someone so wonderful.
I kissed Jasper on the cheek and flitted down to my bedroom, glaring daggers at Edward as I passed him.
Upon entering my cabin, I noticed a small piece of paper lying on my bed. That was weird...Bella wasn't talking to me right now, and I doubted notes were excluded from that. I picked it up curiously and noticed it was addressed to me in my handwriting. I groaned. I knew who had sent it.
MISS ALICE 'ME, MYSELF AND I' CULLEN,
LOWER DECK OF "THE HAPPY VEGGIES",
Dear Alice, full of malice,
For all your havoc and troubles,
Hurting humans with gifts and baubles,
To the depths with your card I will send,
To double your punishment, friend.
Don't you just love holidays? If that is how you want it, no more wedding planning!
See you, little one.
-A poetic genius
P.S. One foot in the 'Boating Boutique' and I will rip your boats to shreds. And the others will help!
I could sense him behind me, no doubt wearing an ear-splitting grin. I ripped the little piece of paper in half, before turning to him.
"Six hours, Edward."
That sure wiped the smirk off his face. I smiled in satisfaction and flopped onto the bed, closing my eyes and massaging my temples.
Next thing I knew, he was beside me, an arm thrown casually around my shoulder, as if I had not attacked him in fury mere minutes previously.
I glowered up at him. The almighty smirk had returned and his eyes had that mischievous edge to them as he pulled out his own silver cell phone. I seethed in silence as he quickly typed in a familiar number. There was a crackle, and then my voicemail picked up, growing fainter with each word.
"Hi! This is Alice Cullen! I can't come to the phone right now, so I'm probably shopping, wedding planning, at school, or 'spending time' with Jasper. So, leave me your name and number and if you're important enough, I'll get back to you!"
There was a crackly beep and Edward held the phone out to me.
"Would you like to leave yourself a message?" he asked innocently, eyebrows raised.
"That's it!" I let out another angry shriek and shoved him off the bed. "I have had enough of this, Edward!"
I glanced around the room, not exactly sure of what I was looking for, until my eyes fell on a small penknife on my bedside table. I snatched it up eagerly and used it to rip a straight line down the middle of the double bed and across the carpet.
"Would you care to tell me why you're destroying our room?" he was looking at me with a half-puzzled, half-bemused expression.
"This," I indicated the side of the line I was standing on. "Is my side of the room. That is your side. You are not to cross that line, touch any of my things, or even speak to me while in this room. No exceptions. I will return you the favour."
With that, I collapsed onto the bed once again, thinking of ways to extract revenge on Edward. He was still looking at me in amusement, his shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter.
After around twenty minutes, Jasper stuck his head around the door. His eyes widened slightly at the sight of the destroyed bed and carpet, but he shrugged it off with an 'I'd-rather-not-know' expression.
"We're just approaching the-" he began, but was cut off by Emmett's loud roar of: "WE'RE HERE!"
I thought I heard Bella vomiting up some more of her lunch overhead. I grimaced. Human food itself was bad enough, but when it was partially digested...
Jasper helped me off the feather-strewn bed, looking very concerned. "We should probably get off the ship – Carlisle and Esme will be waiting."
At that, I found myself laughing. Perhaps things wouldn't be so bad after all. Just wait until Esme heard what her beloved son had been up to...
A/N: Ooh, what's gonna happen at the resort? Stay tuned to find out! And don't forget that all our lovely reviewers shall receive invisible muffins, cakes and various other pastries! Y'know you want to, click that little button!