I Was Crippled Once...


A House / Scrubs crossover

A/N: Written for an anonymous request in a fandomsecrets crossover meme.


House was late. He was always late, but today he was a bit later than even he had planned on being. He would need an excuse, definitely need an excuse... flat tire? Traffic? Boring. Hooker would probably work. Yeah, hooker that overcharged and spent the morning arguing about it... he hadn't used that excuse in at least a week. Cuddy wouldn't buy it, nor would Wilson, but it would get them to roll their eyes and drop the subject. Cuddy would probably give him extra clinic hours... no worries, he's make Cameron do them.

"You're a cripple, right?"

House stopped and turned to see a tall janitor smiling at him. "What tipped you off, John Edward? The cane, the limp, or the pathetic hopelessness in my eyes?" he asked in as exaggerated a mocking tone as he could muster.

"The cane," the janitor said. "You use it to pick up the ladies, right? The crippled thing, I mean. Tell them some woeful tale about how you got injured in World War Two. Gets them every time, right?"

"World War Two? Either you failed at history which explains your current career choice, or you think I'm trying to pick up some pretty stupid women," House said. "That or you think I'm older than I actually am, but with my boyish good looks I figure that's probably not it."

"I was banking on the stupid women," he said. He held his hand out. "Hi, I'm the new janitor. You're a doctor, right?"

House didn't shake his hand, but narrowed his eyes at him. The janitor shrugged.

"I was crippled once, back in '84," he said. "Fell off the roof of my cousin's stepdad's house. I'm pretty sure he rigged the ladder, see... my cousin's stepdad used to a trained government assassin, went crazy in Vietnam though. Started making attempts on everyone's life. Had to really watch yourself when it was his turn to cook. Nearly took out my twin brother, we had to rush him to the hospital, got his stomach pumped... it was pretty inspiring, and it's why I decided to become a doctor."

"You're a janitor."

"I work in a hospital," the janitor said with a shrug. "Close enough."

"HOUSE!" Cuddy stormed up, slapping a file into a random nurse's hand as she passed by. "You are later than usual."

"Right," House said, turning and speaking loudly and hoping the janitor got the hint that it was time for him to go away. "Hooker had a flat tire."

Cuddy rolled her eyes. "You've got three extra clinic hours this week and it'd be nice if you could show up now, I've got a patient in room one who swallowed a refrigerator magnet and the mother is in a panic," she said, then noticed the janitor. "And you, we had a patient puke in the hallways on the second floor, take care of it. Both of you, work, now." She left.

House sighed as he and the janitor glanced at each other. The janitor shrugged. "Wanna switch?"