summary – Somewhere between unsure and a hundred. AU.

disclaimer – don't own anything.

author's note – it feels like I haven't written in forever and now with the canoness of NV (all I need is DB and I'll die a happy fangirl), I'm proud to present a SC oneshot in all it's disjointed, mixed up style and crappy storyline ways.

Take My Heart

zero. Well how?

It starts out with casual drinking after the amazing (-ly horrible) wedding of Bart Bass and Lily van der Woodsen. They watch their parents dance to some cheesy song in French because that's so Lily van der (Humphrey) Bass. They pretend that they don't notice the secret glance she shoots a certain washed up singer.

They pretend that Dan is in love with Serena and not her. They pretend that Blair is falling for Chuck and not him. They pretend that their new union is not fuckeduphorribleohgodno.They pretend that it's beautiful and perfect and not cracking before it even begun.

They pretend that they won't fuck later in his room.

one. I can't recall.

There are no steps to the future. There are only back steps to the end, she figures. Senior year has only been three days and she feels ancient. She feels his eyes before she even hears him. He drawls out her name like he's had too much whiskey and wants her to come out and play.

There's no small talk between them. She doesn't look him in the eye when he talks to her. Watching Dan and Blair sneak a sweet kiss, she feels like she's in halves and pieces and she can never be whole. He (voice fucks her with raspy words) whispers a sentence like he read her mind.

"Let me put you back together."

two. staring at what was once was it all.

He's not cheesy.

(He flew her to Paris last month just to fuck her in the back of a French club.)

She's not fragile.

(She almost almost cries herself to sleep when she finds Kati Farkas leaving his room.)

They don't make love.

(They fuck gently though.)

They don't even bother with dates.

(They simply go to parties with each other.)

three. so this is where you are

Five years later.

Blair Waldorf Humphrey returns to the Upper East Side.

They fuck even harder that day.

four. and this is where I am.

Lily van der Bass becomes Lily van der Woodsen who becomes Lily van der Humphrey.

five. somewhere between unsure.

Serena always (never) wanted Blair to be her sister.

six. and a hundred.

She runs to California and he doesn't follow her. She blinks back tears when he never comes that night.

seven. short of our love.

He shows up the next morning with scotch and a suitcase.

eight. You are right where you are.

They visit the beach and he (nearly) gets attacked by a seagull.

nine. from right where I am.

Lily calls three days later.

ten. and who's to say it's wrong

Blair's pregnant.

eleven. and who's to say it's not right.

Vanessa calls five days after that. She and Nate broke up.

twelve. where we should be from now.

Vanessa calls two weeks after that. She and Nate got back together.

thirteen. and this is where I've been.

Serena van der Woodsen becomes Serena van der Bass.