Death by chocolate

Death by chocolate

In which Uchiha Itachi provides his own unique twist. Possibly crack.

I don't own Naruto. If I did, Akatsuki would have a lot more fun.

For a moment, all fighting ceased as multiple brains attempted to process what had just occurred. Elite ninja were by no means unfamiliar with grusome and gory deaths, and occasionally they came upon ones that could only be summed up as bizarre. This, however… was most definitely something else.

A few minutes earlier

Uchiha Itachi strolled along the road with his newly appointed partner, Hoshigaki Kisame. I mean, they walked slowly in a fashion that left no doubt as to their masculinity or heterosexuality. None. At all. Just ignore the fact that there are questions to the humanity of a six-foot tall person who's blue and has gills, never mind said person's gender. Anyway.

The two nukenin were returning from their first (successful, of course) mission together and both had been suitably impressed with the other's skills. This, however, meant that they had come to an important step if their partnership were to continue, and the reason that they were returning in a slow fashion, rather than racing through the foliage and possibly mussing up their very cool cloaks. (Itachi especially was fond of the red/black combination, not that he would admit it.) They had to figure out if they could possibly manage to tolerate each other for more than a day without anyone else around. And by tolerate, I mean resist the urge to Tsukiyomi Kisame to death or allow Samehada to suck out all of Itachi's chakra. Both of them agreed that it was better to figure this part out now than get used to their partner's presence and then find out that they really hated each other. It saved time and most likely some aggravation.

Unfortunately, moving so slowly allowed news of Kisame's presence to reach the ears of several Mist Hunter-nin who naturally jumped at the chance to bring down the rogue swordsman. As Itachi's presence had been overlooked by the newsmongers, the Hunters were understandably surprised to find that Kisame was not alone.

"What is it with the Swordsmen and picking up little boys?" one Hunter scoffed in disbelief, watching the (admittedly petite) teenager munching on a stick of pocky. "Is there some rule that no one talks about?"

He might have said more on the subject, except that his faint mutterings over his radio were picked up by the keen ears of the two Akatsuki who immediately launched an attack. As both sides were composed of elite and highly trained ninja, suffice it to say that the battle was both swift-paced and extremely destructive to the local surroundings. Tiny squirrels fled in terror and beavers bit their lips in jealousy at how quickly the ninja could chop a tree down.

Of particular note, however, were two things. One, Itachi was still eating his pocky as he fought, and two, the captain of the Hunter-team was fond of goading his opponents in an attempt to make them lose their cool. So, naturally, the captain insulted Itachi. More specifically, he insulted Itachi for eating such a disgusting concoction as pocky. (Though he drew it out a bit and added in a donkey for good measure. Where the donkey came in, I don't know. Nor do I want to. You can use your imagination if you really feel like trying to figure it out.)

Itachi reacted in a completely predictable fashion. He removed the pocky from his mouth and stared at it for a moment before looking at the Hunter-nin. Then his eyes spun red and he embedded the pocky in the Hunter's skull without a second thought. The Hunter dropped to the ground as his mask broke around the chocolate-covered stick.

Kisame stared at the scene, along with the Hunters. So that's why Leader-sama warned me not to insult pocky.