Disclaimer: If I owned Fullmetal Alchemist or Artemis Fowl, I would probably not be writing fanfiction. I might be though. You never know.

Fullmetal Meets Fowl

Chapter Two: Dreaming

The blackberries were ripe and perfect, and the sun was shining beautifully blue. The stars were twinkling bright white-purple, mirroring the blackberry flowers above.

"Alphonse!" Edward called, beckoning him with a hand. "Al, you sloth, everyone else is already here! Even Roy got here on time!" Roy smiled wryly at him from his seat on a large pumpkin, his lips purple with blackberry juice. His hair fell in a brackish black spray to his shoulders like tree needles. His uniform was torn and riddled with broken-off thorns from wading through the blackberries, but overall he wasn't much worse for wear. Izumi sat on the other side of the pumpkin from Roy, facing away from him as she ripped entire vines of blackberries out from their thorny protections before quickly picking off the berries and popping them in her rosy mouth.

He ran a cold hand over his own ribs, wincing at the motion.

"Al!" Edward called again with a happy laugh. His arm left arm was linked with Winry's right, her left hand snatching blackberries from their vines as Edward did the same with his right. Al was running across the star-strewn ground, following the path of the white rushing river as twinkling blue mist flew from its surface. His blond hair whipped around in the wind, and his young face was split almost in two with the size of his smile.

"Ed!" Al called in his slightly echoing voice. As he reached the blackberry meadow, he threw himself at Edward and gathered him into his arms. There were a few metallic clanking noises where he touched Edward's arm, but neither of them minded. Edward ruffled his hair, and the cacophonous tinkling and scraping it produced drew Izumi's attention to them. She flew to them from her spot on the pumpkin, and pulled them both close to her body in a grip so tight it almost hurt.

Everything hurt, but nothing more than his head. It pounded with his pulse, so loudly nothing else could…

"Fullmetal!" Roy called from the pumpkin. He lobbed a package at him, and Edward pulled away from Izumi to catch it. It was a silver gun, painted with red flames, inside a leather gun-packet.

"Thanks, Roy!"

"Here, Ed!" Al chirped, handing him a packet of powder bullets. Edward bit it to test its quality, then smiled at his brother.

"You're a live saver!"

He… had he saved Al? Had… he…?

Winry sloppily kissed his cheek and used her wrench to load the gun with some of the powder bullets.



"I… want to live…"

"You shall." Edward raised his head to see a pale boy with eyes like chips of stone.

"I don't… wanna die… like this…"

"There is no reason you would. Aside from lacking a couple of your original limbs, you seem to be a near-perfect picture of health." Edward narrowed his eyes, and Alphonse reached over and rubbed the back of his neck in an attempt to soothe him. His hand was cold.

"I don't like you," Edward decided, and shot him.

"Not Alphonse, right?"

No, not Alphonse. The other one.

"Oh. Good, I guess?"

"What's going on?" Edward screamed. Izumi placed a finger to her mouth to signal 'quiet', and then slapped him across the face with a loud, harsh sound.

"That seems out of order, don't you think."

No. You're fine. Everything's fine.




"Don't waste them," Roy said, kissing his brow.

Edward woke with a scream starting in his throat and stars in his eyes.

"Where am I? Where's Al? Al? Al!" He tried to get up, but between his current half-blindness and the handcuffs keeping his arms attached to the bed frame, this proved a difficult endeavor. "What's going on?" he gasped hysterically. He didn't dare try any alchemy; his mind was far too hazy and he was too exhausted to handle the energy properly. He'd end up mixing himself into the transmutation, likely as not.

"Calm yourself. You will not be harmed if you make no trouble," said a voice in a language he could not understand. It didn't sound like Xingese, or even Drachnan. What language could it be, what could it be saying, and why was Edward attached to a bed?

"I don't know what the hell you're saying, so start talking in a way I can understand or shove off," Edward barked, looking around frantically as his vision slowly (hurry up, dammit) cleared.

"Well, that may pose a problem," the voice said, sounding bemused. Edward snarled at it.


"Butler, do you recognize the language our guest is speaking? I find myself at something of a loss," Artemis spoke from his seat at the monitors. The intercom was currently off, but they were still capable of hearing the blond intruder's unintelligible but obviously incensed speech. Butler shook his bald head.

"It sounds vaguely Germanic, but I can't recognize the language itself. I am unsure I have heard it before."

"I also found this to be the case. We will have to speak a few words to him in every known language that you and I are not fluent in." Artemis called up a few windows on another screen, then spoke into the monitor, "Tena yistelegn." There was no special reaction to this. "Kaixo. Kia orana. Tansi. Gamardjoba. Hallo. Moïen. Asham…"

After exhausting several online references, various books, and the combined lingual knowledge of both Artemis and Butler, the young Fowl was forced to admit defeat.

Inside the "guest room", the blond young man had started biting his handcuffs, shrieking things that Artemis—despite his ignorance of the man's language—could easily guess were no longer words.

Artemis narrowed his eyes at the screen, frowning slightly. "It seems we will have to resort to extreme measures."


Next chapter: "Tongues"