Chapter 2: Children's Playthings

"Damnit, girl, what is wrong with you? Get out there!" Melina demanded, nearly pushing Mickie, Maria, and Ashley out through the curtain and onto the stage.

Ashley turned around on the stage and headed back through the curtain, but Melina pushed her back out. "You three better get your asses down to that damn ring before Stephanie fires all of us!" Melina shrieked.

Ashley didn't want to argue with the angry woman, so she led the way down the ramp. Mickie and Maria nearly clung onto Ashley as they slowly walked down the ramp, having no idea what in the world they were doing. The girls walked up the stairs and were then confused about how to get in the ring. Ashley gave the other two a confused look, seeing as she was the first in line, and opted to slide in between the bottom two ropes.

As Maria went through the ropes, she complained, "Where is the knight that is supposed to hold these open for us and assist us in entering and exiting any proximity?"

"I don't think such a knight exists in this little square," Mickie noted.

"What is that retched sound?" Maria squealed, covering her ears.

"I'm not quite sure," Ashley said.

The "retched sound" was in fact Beth Phoenix's entrance music.

"What in the holy world is THAT?" Maria gasped, pointing at Beth Phoenix.

"I don't want to fight a warrior princess," Mickie cowered.

"Who said anything about fighting?" Ashley cried.

"They look like they want to attack us with swords or something. They don't look too nice or happy right about now. And quite frankly, I'm scared of that look they're giving the three of us," Mickie explained.

"So, the mean girl, the warrior, and the…who is that?" Maria wondered, finally seeing their final opponent. "Is there something wrong with her face? And what is with her…WHAT KIND OF PLACE ARE WE IN?!"

The "disfigured" woman didn't enter the ring that currently contained the other five women, but instead opted to grab a microphone.

"Ashley, Mickie, and Maria…What poor excuses for Divas you three are. Seriously, two of you have disgraced yourselves and the cover of Playboy, and I don't even know what to say to you, Mickie."

"What's Playboy? It sounds like a children's plaything," Maria asked Ashley, but she merely shrugged because she had no response to Maria's query.

Jillian continued. "And I have a special treat for you all. I am going to sing a song about how Beth, Melina, and I are going to decimate these three pathetic girls. YOOUUU THIIIIIIIINK YOOUUU'RRRRRRE CUUUUUUUUUUTE. YOOOUUUU THIIIIIIIINK YOOOUUU'RRRRE SEXYYYYYY. YOOOOOU GOT THE LOOOOKS THAT MAAKEEE MEEEE—"

Mickie interrupted Jillian's butchering of Shawn Michael's entrance music by covering her ears and screaming, "MAKE IT STOP!"

"HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT MY SOLO!" Jillian yelled. She slammed the microphone on the ground and bull rushed Maria in the ring because Mickie jumped out of the ring.

"PRINCESS!" Ashley exclaimed. She wanted to go in and save Maria, but she was afraid of what might happen if she crossed paths with Jillian Hall. She didn't want to know if her punches hurt as much as her singing hurt everyone's ears.

"Why aren't you hitting me?" Maria whined with relief as Jillian's "punches" weren't connecting.

"Are you forgetting that this is fake? Come on, sell," Jillian urged.


"Well if you're not going to do this right, just lay there and don't move, okay?"


"If you don't, I will hurt you," Jillian growled.

"Okay!" Maria finally agreed. She lay still as Jillian quickly covered her for the three count.

Jillian, Beth, and Melina quickly rushed backstage because they wanted no part of the crap fest that had just taken place. For once, they knew the crowd wasn't booing them, but was booing the quality of the match that had just happened.

"Oh my gosh! Are you alright, Princess?" Mickie asked, rushing to Maria's aid. "I'm so sorry! I have failed you!"

"No, she didn't hurt me. And it's okay, Lady Mickie. I would have done the same thing if I were you. I don't blame you for being afraid of what that freak could have done," Maria assured her.

"Come on, let's go back to that one room again," Ashley suggested. She and Mickie helped Maria up and walked her back up the ramp.

"WHAT AM I WEARING?" Maria screamed at the top of her lungs, finally seeing herself in the full length mirror in the Diva's locker room. "Why didn't I notice this earlier? This is not how a princess dresses! I look like a strumpet in the dirty marketplace!" She was wearing black pants and a bikini top. "And my eyes…Why is there dirt all over them? And my hair is a mess! I only wear my hair in loose waves, not all straight like this! What has happened to me?"

"This is horrendous! We're dressed like that too!" Ashley screeched, running her hands down her black and pink corset.

"But at least you're wearing something that you're kind of used to," Mickie said. "I look like a moldy banana!" She looked at herself in the mirror and was not too fond of her bright yellow and blue outfit.

"I bet we didn't notice that because we were so confused. Princess, I really don't like this place," Ashley whined.

"Okay, I have an idea," Maria announced.

"Yes, Princess?" Mickie said.

"Let's just put on the most conservative things we can find and get out of here," Maria suggested.

"Let's," Ashley agreed.

"Look, do you guys know where your stuff is or not? I think you three are getting amnesia," Jillian asked, approaching the three.

Maria cowered in fear, afraid that Jillian was going to attack her again. Mickie and Ashley defensively stood in front of Maria, determined to protect her this time.

Before anyone could answer, Jillian just rolled her eyes and tossed a duffel bag to each girl. "There," she said. "You three should get some sleep. Come on, you rode with Melina and I here so let's go. We're ready. But change your clothes first. It's cold out."

Maria, Ashley, and Mickie each put on a sweatshirt and regular jeans. They were the warmest things they could find in their bags. They left with Jillian and Melina, still afraid that they would attack them, but a part of them was trusting.

As they passed a large meeting room, Stephanie McMahon stopped the five Divas. "Jillian, Melina, wait for them in the parking lot. You three," she said, pointing to Ashley, Mickie, and Maria, "my office. Now."